2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "haiku ( happy hummingbird )"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
34 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
What a beautiful photo of a blue rose. I enjoyed your haiku, but I'm afraid roses do not have nectar, so there wouldn't be any hummingbirds sipping nectar from the rose in your poem. Sorry. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy :-)
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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What a beautiful photo of a blue rose. I enjoyed your haiku, but I'm afraid roses do not have nectar, so there wouldn't be any hummingbirds sipping nectar from the rose in your poem. Sorry. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy :-)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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sure, thank you
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You're so very welcome :-)
Comment from Chrissy710
A clever Haiku and god image and colour scheme. I like your reference to no bar tab at dusk quite and impact with this and made me smile . Good luck with the contest Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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A clever Haiku and god image and colour scheme. I like your reference to no bar tab at dusk quite and impact with this and made me smile . Good luck with the contest Cheers Christine
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Chrissy
Comment from Julia.
Hummingbirds are fascinating to me. I like the concrete imagery in the first two lines of this: hummingbird, roses, dawn. Not sure what you are touching in the third line, though? Is this a reference to a spouse, child, etc?
Also, haiku are meant to capture a moment in time. I think the poem would be stronger if you eliminated "love to" in the first line. As written, the first two lines make more of a general statement about hummingbirds than describe a specific act at a specific time. If the lines were just "hummingbirds / kiss the blue roses at dawn" then that better describes a single moment. Just something to think about...
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Hummingbirds are fascinating to me. I like the concrete imagery in the first two lines of this: hummingbird, roses, dawn. Not sure what you are touching in the third line, though? Is this a reference to a spouse, child, etc?
Also, haiku are meant to capture a moment in time. I think the poem would be stronger if you eliminated "love to" in the first line. As written, the first two lines make more of a general statement about hummingbirds than describe a specific act at a specific time. If the lines were just "hummingbirds / kiss the blue roses at dawn" then that better describes a single moment. Just something to think about...
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much, I appreciate your feedback :)
Comment from Dean Kuch
While I love the presentation, and your interconnecting lines worked well together, I'm not too sure I grasped the connection between your satori and the previous two lines, Gypsy. I get the subtle "kigo" and how nature pertains. But there wasn't that Ah-ha! moment we've come to love and expect form haiku poetry.
Sorry if the connection went completely over my head. But this read more like 5-7-5 poetry to me.
Still, that's only my opinion. I do wish you well in the contest. :)
~Dean
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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While I love the presentation, and your interconnecting lines worked well together, I'm not too sure I grasped the connection between your satori and the previous two lines, Gypsy. I get the subtle "kigo" and how nature pertains. But there wasn't that Ah-ha! moment we've come to love and expect form haiku poetry.
Sorry if the connection went completely over my head. But this read more like 5-7-5 poetry to me.
Still, that's only my opinion. I do wish you well in the contest. :)
~Dean
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Dean, I will have to go over and see how I can fix it. I did receive a notice from the CEC but they didn't clarify which haiku. I hope they mean this one. Thank you for the review my friend.
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I'm sure it was this one, gypsy. Your spider haiku looked just fine to me. In fact, I think you're going to win! :)
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Thank you Dean, I appreciate your concern and helpfull feedback. I asked Tom and that's the one. I changed it, I hope it is okey now. :)
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I'll check it out and let you know in your inbox, Gypsy. I'm no expert, but I have studied the form a bunch over the past year.
Comment from Glasstruth
Blue, the color of the blues, also of sweetness as well. Love how all this is covered in blue. The last line reaches out to the reader saying "it's a lonely world" That it is at times. Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Blue, the color of the blues, also of sweetness as well. Love how all this is covered in blue. The last line reaches out to the reader saying "it's a lonely world" That it is at times. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Les, I really appreciate your generous review.
Comment from rjuselius
this is a beautiful haiku dear anonymous! i like the sad side of nature where you are born and die alone wishing for company.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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this is a beautiful haiku dear anonymous! i like the sad side of nature where you are born and die alone wishing for company.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Rebekka, I really appreciate your generous review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi - this is a lovely haiku in 5/7/5 form capturing a moment in time very well. Nice alliteration in line 2. Appropriate, stand alone line, as a blue rose is rare and you could say lonely. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Hi - this is a lovely haiku in 5/7/5 form capturing a moment in time very well. Nice alliteration in line 2. Appropriate, stand alone line, as a blue rose is rare and you could say lonely. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Dorothy, I really appreciate your generous review.
Comment from honeytree
The art work is very special for these words
I guess life can be lonely for many within our world
Maybe a spark of happiness can shine through one day
Honeytree
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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The art work is very special for these words
I guess life can be lonely for many within our world
Maybe a spark of happiness can shine through one day
Honeytree
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Honeytree, I really appreciate your generous review. I really appreciate the 6 stars
Comment from Emily George
Blue roses and the blue background are very good aesthetic wise. Good alliteration in the second line with happy hummingbirds. I wish you luck with the contest
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Blue roses and the blue background are very good aesthetic wise. Good alliteration in the second line with happy hummingbirds. I wish you luck with the contest
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Emily, I really appreciate your generous review.
Comment from TAB_that's me
Beautiful imagery in your flower haiku. beautiful picture too but it is the words that count. Good luck in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Beautiful imagery in your flower haiku. beautiful picture too but it is the words that count. Good luck in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you Teresa :)