Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Breakfast"Shorter stories
17 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
By gum! You did it, Bill. You teased the reader into believing he was reading about a young lad who had a distaste for eating eggs.
I must say, my suspicion was aroused by his crawling on his belly under what I assumed was a table to be with his little friend, Mickey. But there still weren't enough clues to provide the Aha moment until the next to the last line when his Mom ate the Robin. That pointed this cotton-headed reader toward the aha found in the word "slithered".
Very clever, Bill.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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By gum! You did it, Bill. You teased the reader into believing he was reading about a young lad who had a distaste for eating eggs.
I must say, my suspicion was aroused by his crawling on his belly under what I assumed was a table to be with his little friend, Mickey. But there still weren't enough clues to provide the Aha moment until the next to the last line when his Mom ate the Robin. That pointed this cotton-headed reader toward the aha found in the word "slithered".
Very clever, Bill.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Jay, for the upbeat review. I tried to lay in enough post-reading clues to make the re-read interesting.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
This was a creepy story about lizards and a hungry mom. LOL
I like your 100 word scary story. I know it is very hard to write a whole story with only 100 words. Good job!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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This was a creepy story about lizards and a hungry mom. LOL
I like your 100 word scary story. I know it is very hard to write a whole story with only 100 words. Good job!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thank you, GBR, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Very nicely done. You tell us a strong story with just a few words. I would suggest working on showing a bit more - adding dialogue would help but I think you challenged yourself not to use it - overall a very creative job. I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Very nicely done. You tell us a strong story with just a few words. I would suggest working on showing a bit more - adding dialogue would help but I think you challenged yourself not to use it - overall a very creative job. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Michael, for the excellent review and suggestion. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
Poor Mickey. I hope it wasn't THE Mickey--as in Mickey Mouse! Good grief, kids everywhere will be heartbroken if it was. Not to mention Disney, Inc. They'll be forced to find another iconic mascot to replace him. Do you realize how much money that will cost--all of the promotion and getting the "word out?" Why, it'll be devastating to the entire Disney franchise!
See, while I fully realize that Sydney is a snake, as is his mother, just because little Syd is eating robin's eggs does not have to mean that Mickey is (or was, as the case were) a robin himself. I mean, c'mon. Snakes eat mice too, you know?
Heh-heh...
Good stuff, Bill... ~Dean
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Poor Mickey. I hope it wasn't THE Mickey--as in Mickey Mouse! Good grief, kids everywhere will be heartbroken if it was. Not to mention Disney, Inc. They'll be forced to find another iconic mascot to replace him. Do you realize how much money that will cost--all of the promotion and getting the "word out?" Why, it'll be devastating to the entire Disney franchise!
See, while I fully realize that Sydney is a snake, as is his mother, just because little Syd is eating robin's eggs does not have to mean that Mickey is (or was, as the case were) a robin himself. I mean, c'mon. Snakes eat mice too, you know?
Heh-heh...
Good stuff, Bill... ~Dean
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thanks for reviewing this, Dean. I figured the name Mickey would start some synapses firing.
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You're more than welcome, Bill. It did for me, LOL...
~Dean :)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
LOL! This is really good, Bill. When you realize they're snakes, it's fun and you don't even mind that mom is about to eat Mickey's whole family. LOL!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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LOL! This is really good, Bill. When you realize they're snakes, it's fun and you don't even mind that mom is about to eat Mickey's whole family. LOL!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Phyllis, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from krys123
Bill;
-Believe this: I truly loved your short story because it was an unusual fun story and it was quite inventive and truly ingeniously creative. Your imagination is so resourceful.
-The imagery is exquisitely expressive as it is vivid and demonstratively descriptive.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you forever.
Alex
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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Bill;
-Believe this: I truly loved your short story because it was an unusual fun story and it was quite inventive and truly ingeniously creative. Your imagination is so resourceful.
-The imagery is exquisitely expressive as it is vivid and demonstratively descriptive.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you forever.
Alex
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Alex, for the excellent review. Bill
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You are so sincerely welcome Bill
Comment from scd41
What a terrible breakfast Sydney had and his mother did not hesitate to swallow Sydney's friend Mickey.The bizarre world of wildlife has been cleverly narrated in just 100 words. Robins are so beautiful and they drew my sympathy as their eggs were going to be devoured by Sydney.
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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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What a terrible breakfast Sydney had and his mother did not hesitate to swallow Sydney's friend Mickey.The bizarre world of wildlife has been cleverly narrated in just 100 words. Robins are so beautiful and they drew my sympathy as their eggs were going to be devoured by Sydney.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the excellent review. Bill