haiku (my face reflected)
haiku 5-7-517 total reviews
Comment from Julia.
Nice haiku. The last line makes a nice observation--makes me think of that Heraclitus saying "Ever-newer waters flow on those who step into the same rivers" (the panta rei philosophy, even though Heraclitus apparently never used those exact words).
One minor suggestion: do you need the word "on" in the last line? Omitting it would tighten up the line, and I don't think it would detract from the satori. Anyway, just a thought; it's still a fine poem either way.
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Nice haiku. The last line makes a nice observation--makes me think of that Heraclitus saying "Ever-newer waters flow on those who step into the same rivers" (the panta rei philosophy, even though Heraclitus apparently never used those exact words).
One minor suggestion: do you need the word "on" in the last line? Omitting it would tighten up the line, and I don't think it would detract from the satori. Anyway, just a thought; it's still a fine poem either way.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is one of the best haiku I have ever read, wonderful imagery presented, philosophical about the way life moves on, we can't stop it. good luck in the contest.
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this is one of the best haiku I have ever read, wonderful imagery presented, philosophical about the way life moves on, we can't stop it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
Comment from mermaids
Excellent use of words that captures the flow of life. Life passing on by is a fitting last line that sums up the first two. The analogy of water and reflection are perfect analogies to life.
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Excellent use of words that captures the flow of life. Life passing on by is a fitting last line that sums up the first two. The analogy of water and reflection are perfect analogies to life.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
I think this is an excellent haiku. The flowing melted water indicates the season must be spring, with ice melting and beginning to flow again. Your face reflected in the water suggests a subtle metaphor about life passing by like the water. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
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I think this is an excellent haiku. The flowing melted water indicates the season must be spring, with ice melting and beginning to flow again. Your face reflected in the water suggests a subtle metaphor about life passing by like the water. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
Comment from dmt1967
Our face weathers the time gone by and it shows, some more than others lol. I liked the message behind this poem. I hope you do well in the contest and thank you for sharing.
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Our face weathers the time gone by and it shows, some more than others lol. I liked the message behind this poem. I hope you do well in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a nice contemplative haiku that ticks all the boxes for the competition.
The flowing water for the passing of time is good imagery.
Very nicely done.
GMG
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Hi there,
This is a nice contemplative haiku that ticks all the boxes for the competition.
The flowing water for the passing of time is good imagery.
Very nicely done.
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015
Comment from TAB_that's me
Very good imagery in the two interconnected lines and then you finish with how your life (the image in the water) floats on by. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Very good imagery in the two interconnected lines and then you finish with how your life (the image in the water) floats on by. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2015