Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

I enjoyed reading -Mayhem at Maple Crescent-You wrote it well, I was disappointed when I got the end, wanting to know more about the story. Good job!

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015

Hmmm, well, as to the rest of the story - you'll have to ask someone else, I don't know! Thanks for your very much appreciated comments :)
Craig

Comment from Janet7053

Excellent

This really held my attention except for the SPAG which can interrupt flow.
I tried to edit for you, in order of occurrence, some of the things that jumped out at me.
pajama

area of his skin instead of flesh.

children's toys
'Electrocution Barbie'

room, the complete set of Sesame...
personally; decent...folk.

post-par tum depression
radio in an APB - take out the word for

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 Comment Written 09-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015

Thanks so much for reviewing my story, and for your helpful comments. I've implemented some, but not all of the changes you suggested. I do appreciate all assistance:

pajama - pyjama is the accepted spelling in my country. I could change it to suit a largely US audience, but then I'd have to change other things - such as "organisation" to "organization" etc.

area of his skin instead of flesh. - I originally had skin, then changed it. It's now back to skin.

children's toys - corrected, thank you.
'Electrocution Barbie' - corrected, thank you.

room, the complete set of Sesame... corrected
personally; decent...folk. - I haven't changed this as I've already used the word decent at the beginning of the sentence. I'm hoping not too many are offended (after all, it turns out they've done nothing wrong).

post-par tum depression - as far as I know, these are synonyms?

radio in an APB - take out the word for - corrected, thanks

Again, thanks for your comments, and the rating, which are both much appreciated.
Craig

reply by Janet7053 on 09-Jun-2015

I always forget many writers are from England. Your points are well taken.

Have a great evening