Tiny Tales of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "~ A Succulent Affair. ~"Multi-authored book of flash/micro horror fiction
21 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well this tale is pretty disturbing and disgusting all rolled into one.
A very good atmospheric write, and it's not over for Luca yet...
Nicely penned.
GMG
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Hi there,
Well this tale is pretty disturbing and disgusting all rolled into one.
A very good atmospheric write, and it's not over for Luca yet...
Nicely penned.
GMG
Comment Written 07-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Thank you GMG. I did proceed with some caution with only two swear words included. To be disturbing is the goal.
Your review is much appreciated... :) Mel.
Comment from mfowler
Well, that was quite a ride, especially for Luca. You've certainly captured revenge by the demons very effectively. Your description of the succubus's vacuuming vagina as it sucked the man parts off Luca was exhilarating. You write well and your story makes for great flash. Straight into the action, a revelatory moment to explain the action and then straight into it with a sweet denouement to complete. Very entertaining.
One spag:
his fake pidgin English; well rehearsed spiel ...you only need a comma between 'English' and 'well'.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Well, that was quite a ride, especially for Luca. You've certainly captured revenge by the demons very effectively. Your description of the succubus's vacuuming vagina as it sucked the man parts off Luca was exhilarating. You write well and your story makes for great flash. Straight into the action, a revelatory moment to explain the action and then straight into it with a sweet denouement to complete. Very entertaining.
One spag:
his fake pidgin English; well rehearsed spiel ...you only need a comma between 'English' and 'well'.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Thank you mfowler, I shall see to that spag. I'm pleased you found my story entertaining.
Your kind review is much appreciated. :) Mel.
Comment from Michaelk
Wow! There was not much subtlety in that revenge story. But then 500 words doesn't leave much room for subtlety.
Great story, 'The hunter becomes the hunted'. He deserved it. The kicker is now after being tortured to death, he has to endure whatever torture Kim is about to dish out.
Excellent tale of horror, well done.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Wow! There was not much subtlety in that revenge story. But then 500 words doesn't leave much room for subtlety.
Great story, 'The hunter becomes the hunted'. He deserved it. The kicker is now after being tortured to death, he has to endure whatever torture Kim is about to dish out.
Excellent tale of horror, well done.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Thank you Michaelk, yes, you noticed that I have left the story open, just in case I exorcise a sequel to the screen, lol.
Your kind review is much appreciated. :) Mel.
Comment from amahra
Very entertaining. I thought he should have suffered longer and the gore slowly drawn out. But what does that say about me. Smile. Great job.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Very entertaining. I thought he should have suffered longer and the gore slowly drawn out. But what does that say about me. Smile. Great job.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Thank you amahra, had the word limit been 1,000 instead of 500 then his agony might have stretched out for days, lol.
Your kind review is much appreciated. :) Mel.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is very well penned and though it is not at all my kind of genre it was engaging and held my attention until the end. Nicely done and I thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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This is very well penned and though it is not at all my kind of genre it was engaging and held my attention until the end. Nicely done and I thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Thank you Angel. Yes this is a first for me, a departure from my usual style.
Your kind review is much appreciated. :) Mel.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I enjoyed reading ~ A Succulent Affair. ~ and I love the art work, Dean strikes again. I thought it was well written and the characters well developed. Good form.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed reading ~ A Succulent Affair. ~ and I love the art work, Dean strikes again. I thought it was well written and the characters well developed. Good form.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you Gypsy, for the kind review and taking the time. I'm glad you liked it.
:) Mel.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, write hand blue, you did an excellent job writing this story about the man who got his just desserts in the end. a sweet taste of love makes the pain more excrutiating. lol.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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this is an excellent write, write hand blue, you did an excellent job writing this story about the man who got his just desserts in the end. a sweet taste of love makes the pain more excrutiating. lol.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you sweetwoodjax, for the kind review and taking the time. I'm glad you liked it.
:) Mel.
Comment from Jay Squires
I enjoyed this story. Except for some punctuational things, it reads smoothly and is quite entertaining.
A hidden baseball bat stands by the door. [For some reason "hidden" struggles with "stands by the door". After reading on, I don't see a reason for "hidden" at all.
"How did....?" [An ellipsis for an incomplete sentence can only have three dots, with one of them being the punctuation. In this case two dots and the question mark. That said, the ellipsis is used for a trailing off of speech, not an interruption, as this is. You should consider using a double dash instead.]
"What?" unable to comprehend, fear grips him ["unable" should be capped.]
Slurping the spurting blood like a greedy pig at a trough. [There's an image for you! Actually a very good image!]
That Luca can't seem to catch a break, Mel.
A good read.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed this story. Except for some punctuational things, it reads smoothly and is quite entertaining.
A hidden baseball bat stands by the door. [For some reason "hidden" struggles with "stands by the door". After reading on, I don't see a reason for "hidden" at all.
"How did....?" [An ellipsis for an incomplete sentence can only have three dots, with one of them being the punctuation. In this case two dots and the question mark. That said, the ellipsis is used for a trailing off of speech, not an interruption, as this is. You should consider using a double dash instead.]
"What?" unable to comprehend, fear grips him ["unable" should be capped.]
Slurping the spurting blood like a greedy pig at a trough. [There's an image for you! Actually a very good image!]
That Luca can't seem to catch a break, Mel.
A good read.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you Jay, yes I agree, I'll remove 'hidden' and see to the rest right away.
Yeh! That poor Luca, my eyes water at the thought. lol.
I always enjoy and learn something from your much appreciated reviews. :) Mel.
Comment from sibhus
Great details that really set the scene. And what a horror story be without some very descriptive gore, ha, ha, You've done an excellent job with this flash piece. Short to the point without a wasted word that really creates an atmosphere of pure evil. The dialogue is good as well, it has a very natural feel to it. The pidgin English was an interesting touch.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Great details that really set the scene. And what a horror story be without some very descriptive gore, ha, ha, You've done an excellent job with this flash piece. Short to the point without a wasted word that really creates an atmosphere of pure evil. The dialogue is good as well, it has a very natural feel to it. The pidgin English was an interesting touch.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you sibhus, this is a first for me, an experiment in terror. The pidgin English I included to try and inject some character into Luca. Not easy with only five hundred words to play with. I'm so pleased that you liked it.
Your review is much appreciated :) Mel.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh my!!! I think you've been taking lessons from Dean and you learned very well. You did a good job writing this story.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Oh my!!! I think you've been taking lessons from Dean and you learned very well. You did a good job writing this story.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you Barbara, I have to own up to being influenced by Dean, who of course created the striking artwork. I enjoyed the editing process, reducing 868 words down to 490 a good exercise. I'm so pleased that you liked it.
As always your reviews are appreciated. :) Mel.
