Littoral
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Gale Warning"Poems about the coastline
22 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Gynt,
As always, you write with such finesse... Of course, you know your last one has caught my heart, and so it is with trepidation with which I review your Gale Warning. lol
I found it lovely, of course, though not heart touching, which is fine... it wasn't about that, was it?
I had a little bit of a tongue problem on this line:
'Their brass so bright you could there see your face in'
I find that the word "there" perhaps is the word out of sequence for me... but i'm not sure... it just felt awkward.. that doesn't meant it's not a fine piece of poetry, because it is. Quite.
I shall have to read it over and over (five times isn't enough?) to get that line to sit right with my tongue... or I shall need tongue therapy.. perhaps that's what I need?
Anyway, you never disappoint me... or you haven't yet, anyway!
and so... well done!
Puss the Cat
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Gynt,
As always, you write with such finesse... Of course, you know your last one has caught my heart, and so it is with trepidation with which I review your Gale Warning. lol
I found it lovely, of course, though not heart touching, which is fine... it wasn't about that, was it?
I had a little bit of a tongue problem on this line:
'Their brass so bright you could there see your face in'
I find that the word "there" perhaps is the word out of sequence for me... but i'm not sure... it just felt awkward.. that doesn't meant it's not a fine piece of poetry, because it is. Quite.
I shall have to read it over and over (five times isn't enough?) to get that line to sit right with my tongue... or I shall need tongue therapy.. perhaps that's what I need?
Anyway, you never disappoint me... or you haven't yet, anyway!
and so... well done!
Puss the Cat
Comment Written 18-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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You've hit on the flaw trhat is there. I know what I mean but I can't get it to sit right and end with face in . Never mind, most others seem to have found no problem. But I know it's there - and so do you. Thanks for picking it up. I'll keep looking at it.
Comment from Treischel
A seaside picture of a moored boat in the harbor sets the stage for this nautical villanelle poem. Perfectly executed with repeated transitions deftly crafted to convey a safe harbor in a stormy setting. Glad you explained the pronunciation of boatswain or I'd have had issues. I can see where basin and boatswain would drive you to the feminine, which you accomplished well. I've always liked the villanelle format. I think it would be interesting to do one in an 11- 7 tempo. I just might. 11-7-11 11-7-11 11-7-11 11-7-11 7-7-11-11.
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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A seaside picture of a moored boat in the harbor sets the stage for this nautical villanelle poem. Perfectly executed with repeated transitions deftly crafted to convey a safe harbor in a stormy setting. Glad you explained the pronunciation of boatswain or I'd have had issues. I can see where basin and boatswain would drive you to the feminine, which you accomplished well. I've always liked the villanelle format. I think it would be interesting to do one in an 11- 7 tempo. I just might. 11-7-11 11-7-11 11-7-11 11-7-11 7-7-11-11.
Comment Written 18-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Have a go! Thank you for this really splendid review anbd the magnificent six stars. You're a real friend.
Comment from patcelaw
I enjoyed the read, I found it not only well written but educational in a way about the boats that go to sea. Many blessings for a good week, Patricia
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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I enjoyed the read, I found it not only well written but educational in a way about the boats that go to sea. Many blessings for a good week, Patricia
Comment Written 18-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I am very grateful. Glad you found it both enjoyable and educational.
Comment from Ben Colder
I was thinking of the song, Sailing, by Whiterker. You author notes , the cut and past did you in. Nothing wrong with this French Twist. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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I was thinking of the song, Sailing, by Whiterker. You author notes , the cut and past did you in. Nothing wrong with this French Twist. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 18-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Thank you for this encouraging review.
Comment from Benny Beeharry
This cute writing is beautiful to read. It reads like a song with its own refrain. The language is simple and keeps close to the subject the gale warning. Very beautiful to read. Great.
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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This cute writing is beautiful to read. It reads like a song with its own refrain. The language is simple and keeps close to the subject the gale warning. Very beautiful to read. Great.
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 18-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Many thanks for this complimentary review. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from jmdg1954
I honestly don't know the styles of poetry so I read them for "face value".
I enjoyed your poem from the start to the end keeping my attention.
John
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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I honestly don't know the styles of poetry so I read them for "face value".
I enjoyed your poem from the start to the end keeping my attention.
John
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Thank you for your honest and sympathetic review. If people like yourself can like the stuff at face value I must be getting something right.
Comment from Sis Cat
Gripping poem about gale warnings made me feel the perils of boaters and fishermen at sea. Great structure and rhymes, but I appreciated the mood of danger most.
Only spags are that I suggest you replace the semi colon after "boatswain" with a comma. And "you could there see your face in" sounds clunky and forced, because I want to put "there" last to read more smoothly.
I enjoyed your ode to the dangers of the sea. Thank you for sharing. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Gripping poem about gale warnings made me feel the perils of boaters and fishermen at sea. Great structure and rhymes, but I appreciated the mood of danger most.
Only spags are that I suggest you replace the semi colon after "boatswain" with a comma. And "you could there see your face in" sounds clunky and forced, because I want to put "there" last to read more smoothly.
I enjoyed your ode to the dangers of the sea. Thank you for sharing. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this. Thank you also for your suggestions. Unfortunately the form of the vilanelle restricts ones freedom somewhat.
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I understand. I am amazed by the structure and may want to attempt one myself someday. Thank you for the inspiration.
Comment from walbc
omg, you have chosen a most difficult poem to write! How you managed it I do not know. Your poem is crafted with the hand of a skilled poet. It is a wonderful piece of writing! Well done. warm regards, wendy.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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omg, you have chosen a most difficult poem to write! How you managed it I do not know. Your poem is crafted with the hand of a skilled poet. It is a wonderful piece of writing! Well done. warm regards, wendy.
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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You ar far too kind, Wendy but thank you for your review and for these six stars. They are greatly appreciated.
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Ya very welcome, GYNT.
Comment from Joan E.
The vivid contrasts in the artwork established the mood well for your villanelle. I admired your rhymes and repeats plus your capturing the approaching storm. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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The vivid contrasts in the artwork established the mood well for your villanelle. I admired your rhymes and repeats plus your capturing the approaching storm. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Thank you so much for this thoughtful review.
Comment from victor 66
This is a very sophisticated poetic format that is beyond my ability to appreciate fully. However, I did like it. You mentioned Dylan Thomas. I was thinking of Francis Drake who said something to the effect that he understood other people's feelings for land, but he much preferred to be at sea. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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This is a very sophisticated poetic format that is beyond my ability to appreciate fully. However, I did like it. You mentioned Dylan Thomas. I was thinking of Francis Drake who said something to the effect that he understood other people's feelings for land, but he much preferred to be at sea. Best wishes.
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my work.
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You are most welcome, Pantygynt