Littoral
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Pantoum on a Bank Holiday Beach"Poems about the coastline
15 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
Incoming tide invests sand castle's battlement.
Squealing children jump for joy on holiday.
Young lovers in each other's arms, each in their element.
Golden sands touched rainbow-speckled by humanity.
Well done. I agree the pantoum is perfect for this holiday beach scene
God bless
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Incoming tide invests sand castle's battlement.
Squealing children jump for joy on holiday.
Young lovers in each other's arms, each in their element.
Golden sands touched rainbow-speckled by humanity.
Well done. I agree the pantoum is perfect for this holiday beach scene
God bless
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this.
Comment from Maritza M. Mejia
Good way to write a Pantoum. Long time I didn't see one.
Good work.
I love the story line in the poem and the imagery.
My favorite lines: "Incoming tide invests sand castle's battlement.
Squealing children jump for joy on holiday."
Congratulations!
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Good way to write a Pantoum. Long time I didn't see one.
Good work.
I love the story line in the poem and the imagery.
My favorite lines: "Incoming tide invests sand castle's battlement.
Squealing children jump for joy on holiday."
Congratulations!
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Thank you for your complimentary review.
Comment from kintesiegel
This is such a tricky form and you pulled it off beautifully. The action of the crowds of swimmers and sunbathers become fluid just as if I were sitting there among them. I like the colors that you brought out of the sea and the texture of life with the ham sandwich. You even gave the poem a little humor with the lady and her bikini. Nicely done overall. There is a typo in the title. The title is kind of meaningless to me.
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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This is such a tricky form and you pulled it off beautifully. The action of the crowds of swimmers and sunbathers become fluid just as if I were sitting there among them. I like the colors that you brought out of the sea and the texture of life with the ham sandwich. You even gave the poem a little humor with the lady and her bikini. Nicely done overall. There is a typo in the title. The title is kind of meaningless to me.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Thanks for your kind and thorough review. Is your query about the title because the term Bank Holiday is not one with which you are familiar? Yes the H should be upper case and I shall add a note to the effect that in the UK a Bank Holiday is the term we use for what the rest of the world terms a Public Holiday. The term grew up because it was a day when even the banks were closed.
Comment from tfawcus
I have written a whole collection of pantoums but none so effective as this. You are right - the wandering eye roving to and fro across the scene fits perfectly with this form, making the repetitions natural. I read and re-read the first line. The rainbow speckles are perhaps the multi-coloured bathing costumes, towels and beach umbrellas seen from a distance? The art of your poem lies in the complete, stand-alone image in each line - what the eye sees before it moves on. I'd have given this a six if I had not already been so profligate with them. My store is empty.
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reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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I have written a whole collection of pantoums but none so effective as this. You are right - the wandering eye roving to and fro across the scene fits perfectly with this form, making the repetitions natural. I read and re-read the first line. The rainbow speckles are perhaps the multi-coloured bathing costumes, towels and beach umbrellas seen from a distance? The art of your poem lies in the complete, stand-alone image in each line - what the eye sees before it moves on. I'd have given this a six if I had not already been so profligate with them. My store is empty.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Praise indeed in the first line of your review. Yes, you are right about the first line. The eye is assaulted by the colous of the crowds on the beach and then starts probing the detail. Many thanks for the compliments and for reading and reviewing so thoroughly. I really value your comments.
Comment from I am Cat
All that, on the side of the road?
wow... i'm going to come sit with you someday... enjoying the sights and sounds.
I was there... I was. Hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting... I was there.
And you are right... the trick is to NOT expect that line to come back... not to say, "damn, here it comes again"...
Seems I have much to learn.
Well done my friend... well done.
The brain surgeons have nothing on you.
:)
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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All that, on the side of the road?
wow... i'm going to come sit with you someday... enjoying the sights and sounds.
I was there... I was. Hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting... I was there.
And you are right... the trick is to NOT expect that line to come back... not to say, "damn, here it comes again"...
Seems I have much to learn.
Well done my friend... well done.
The brain surgeons have nothing on you.
:)
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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I really am thrilled that you like this. I wish you could come and sit with me it would make the time flash past. I have to admit that I didn't wright this by the side of the road, though I have written stuff while working and will continue to do so on the quieter counts.