Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Winner"Assorted poetry
22 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Very clever! Most entertaining wordplay. I particularly enjoyed your avoidance of the obvious rhyme for truck! AmHoo seems to have been quite a girl - may she rest in peace!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Very clever! Most entertaining wordplay. I particularly enjoyed your avoidance of the obvious rhyme for truck! AmHoo seems to have been quite a girl - may she rest in peace!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Tony, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from adewpearl
good aabbb rhyming with clever rhymes
good use of enjambment
good alliteration like in booze and blow
and in drunk and drowned
good humor and social commentary
Brooke
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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good aabbb rhyming with clever rhymes
good use of enjambment
good alliteration like in booze and blow
and in drunk and drowned
good humor and social commentary
Brooke
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Brooke, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Gloria ....
Oh dear, she peed in her Jacuzzi? I knew there was a really good reason I never go in those things.
By the looks of things she bought herself some fancy digs after that lottery win. I had a truck like that once. It was a real gas-guzzler.
HA, new friends. And then the divine justice of it all, drowning in bills.
Nicely written, Bill. You have unique ideas and deliver them with graceful finesse.
Gloria
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Oh dear, she peed in her Jacuzzi? I knew there was a really good reason I never go in those things.
By the looks of things she bought herself some fancy digs after that lottery win. I had a truck like that once. It was a real gas-guzzler.
HA, new friends. And then the divine justice of it all, drowning in bills.
Nicely written, Bill. You have unique ideas and deliver them with graceful finesse.
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Gloria, for the excellent and encouraging review. Bill
Comment from krys123
Bill;
+ I enjoyed this really interesting and quite emblematic and annotated account of a ladies life and her for the demise from being drunk and doing drugs.
+ Rhyming words were very contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making them neither forced nor labored and helpful in the rhythmic flow of the poem.
+ Rhythmic meter, mixed in variable, however, the cadence, timing and tempo, along with its movement help the reading to be very easy, fluid and clear.
+ Good use of enjambment which is the running on of a concept and thought from one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Imagery was clear, distinct and exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing: "My new friends helped her spend her dough on gifts for them and booze and blow". Is that all adage are saying where there's money, there are friends.
+ Near and notable alliteration's:/"Said she"/"Booze and blow"/"drunk and drowned"/
+ Thank you for sharing and posting this Bill and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Bill;
+ I enjoyed this really interesting and quite emblematic and annotated account of a ladies life and her for the demise from being drunk and doing drugs.
+ Rhyming words were very contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making them neither forced nor labored and helpful in the rhythmic flow of the poem.
+ Rhythmic meter, mixed in variable, however, the cadence, timing and tempo, along with its movement help the reading to be very easy, fluid and clear.
+ Good use of enjambment which is the running on of a concept and thought from one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Imagery was clear, distinct and exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing: "My new friends helped her spend her dough on gifts for them and booze and blow". Is that all adage are saying where there's money, there are friends.
+ Near and notable alliteration's:/"Said she"/"Booze and blow"/"drunk and drowned"/
+ Thank you for sharing and posting this Bill and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Alex, for the thorough and painstaking review. Bill
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You are so sincerely welcome Bill.
Alex
Comment from lakeport
Winner. indeed that's a sounds like a story form the Hillbilly TV show. I enjoyed reading the story poem, God bless you. Lakeport.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Winner. indeed that's a sounds like a story form the Hillbilly TV show. I enjoyed reading the story poem, God bless you. Lakeport.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thanks, Erich, for the excellent review. Bill
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you are very welcome, lakeport
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hey, it could happen...
Amber sounds like she was not prepared in the slightest to be rich. Hell, we should be so lucky, right, Bill? I'd be willing to take a chance, how 'bout you?
~Dean
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Hey, it could happen...
Amber sounds like she was not prepared in the slightest to be rich. Hell, we should be so lucky, right, Bill? I'd be willing to take a chance, how 'bout you?
~Dean
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Dean, for giving this a look. Yes, I'd like a chance to spend money like a wild man --- or my wife.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I'd certainly give this an 'A' for uniqueness and creativity:) It was also a very fun read. It happens.
~~~Teresa~~~
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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I'd certainly give this an 'A' for uniqueness and creativity:) It was also a very fun read. It happens.
~~~Teresa~~~
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Teresa, for the 'A' and the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Poke fun at the rich. Nice. Poem flowed well between verses and action easy to follow. Picture adds depth to poem as well. Write on.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Poke fun at the rich. Nice. Poem flowed well between verses and action easy to follow. Picture adds depth to poem as well. Write on.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Brett, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from valerieellis
Excellent!! I love the bit of humor but also the emotions it evoked (sadness for such waste and stupidity). Your rhyme and rhythm flowed effortlessly and it was easy to follow and understand. Thank you for sharing :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Excellent!! I love the bit of humor but also the emotions it evoked (sadness for such waste and stupidity). Your rhyme and rhythm flowed effortlessly and it was easy to follow and understand. Thank you for sharing :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Valerie, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from jennifdrake
You don't disappoint, Bill! I have to chuckle and think the line "she had gotten drunk and drowned surrounded by her unpaid bills." Another great one! Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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You don't disappoint, Bill! I have to chuckle and think the line "she had gotten drunk and drowned surrounded by her unpaid bills." Another great one! Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Jennifer, for a terrific review. Bill