The Promise
A show of devotion43 total reviews
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Nicole and Tommy, two kids with big dreams. How sweet, the dandelion ring and the cute words spoken of true kid love. Mom shot the whole honeymoon idea. Too much stress for a bride and groom. Fun story. Are you going to add more to this story? Are you published? I like children stories. Glad that I dropped into your campfire. See you again. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Nicole and Tommy, two kids with big dreams. How sweet, the dandelion ring and the cute words spoken of true kid love. Mom shot the whole honeymoon idea. Too much stress for a bride and groom. Fun story. Are you going to add more to this story? Are you published? I like children stories. Glad that I dropped into your campfire. See you again. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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I am so far from ever being published! Thank you for that kind comment. I'm glad you liked what you've read. John
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi John,
just for cute value this is so an exceptional write. This might be targeted as a children's story, but every adult, no matter their age could identify with such a time in their young lives... I know I did.
You're such a great story-teller... their is always your trade mark sign of sincerity... which I love... it really brings back thoughts and a sense of innocent times... the ones that instantly float you back in time.
Well done my Brother, really enjoyed reading this breath of fresh air.
A couple of little things you might want to look at... but did it detract? No way!
The August sun was relentless',' showering rays of heat... such a wonderful descriptive image.
Tommy nodded and they both continued to run to the house',' then entering through the back door...
"Tommy, I'm sorry," his mother replied...
Try to keep these last two moments in the same tense as the rest of story you are telling...
Always a true pleasure to read your magic mind at work... and play!
With our thoughts we create,
a time of innocence,
James.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Hi John,
just for cute value this is so an exceptional write. This might be targeted as a children's story, but every adult, no matter their age could identify with such a time in their young lives... I know I did.
You're such a great story-teller... their is always your trade mark sign of sincerity... which I love... it really brings back thoughts and a sense of innocent times... the ones that instantly float you back in time.
Well done my Brother, really enjoyed reading this breath of fresh air.
A couple of little things you might want to look at... but did it detract? No way!
The August sun was relentless',' showering rays of heat... such a wonderful descriptive image.
Tommy nodded and they both continued to run to the house',' then entering through the back door...
"Tommy, I'm sorry," his mother replied...
Try to keep these last two moments in the same tense as the rest of story you are telling...
Always a true pleasure to read your magic mind at work... and play!
With our thoughts we create,
a time of innocence,
James.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Jumbo... Thank you my brother. Your support is always encouraging and keeps my pencil and paper active!
The six is frosting on the cake, thank you again!
John
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, John.
This is such a beautiful and tender children's story. You shared so well the innocence of children. The wedding rings are perfect, and the kiss had me smiling, especially their immediate reactions afterward. I can easily see this as a plan kids would try in an attempt to keep the family from moving. Great story!
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Hi, John.
This is such a beautiful and tender children's story. You shared so well the innocence of children. The wedding rings are perfect, and the kiss had me smiling, especially their immediate reactions afterward. I can easily see this as a plan kids would try in an attempt to keep the family from moving. Great story!
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Rosalyne,
Good to hear from you! Thank you for reading and reviewing this little piece.
I always appreciate your kind words and encouragement...
Did you ever get your book published? The one with Stanley the robot....
Just curious.... John
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, John, if only I had a 6 for you, a 7 even! This was the most beautiful story I've ever read. So innocent, so lovely. Isn't it just the way a young child would act, and believe too. You must write more of these, would he come back to visit? Will he find someone else? Aww, it is so sad they had to be parted. But that is life, awful as it sometimes is. A really wonderful story, my friend. :) Sandra xsx
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Oh, John, if only I had a 6 for you, a 7 even! This was the most beautiful story I've ever read. So innocent, so lovely. Isn't it just the way a young child would act, and believe too. You must write more of these, would he come back to visit? Will he find someone else? Aww, it is so sad they had to be parted. But that is life, awful as it sometimes is. A really wonderful story, my friend. :) Sandra xsx
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Sandra, that is one of the best reviews ever written for me. Thank you!
Your words are encouraging and make me want to continue writing.
A number of reviews have mentioned doing a sequel or a continuation to the story, so I guess I'll put my thinking cap on!
Thank you again... John
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So, I am not the only one to have thought how great this story is. Put that cap on your head right now and don't even think about giving up writing!! xxx
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day John, long time no see mate. Isn't love grand? You did an outstanding job on this one mate is it so realistic and once again you managed to put a lump in my throat. I can't see the problem with the ring, that's all Delia got...that and a feral old man LOL. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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G'day John, long time no see mate. Isn't love grand? You did an outstanding job on this one mate is it so realistic and once again you managed to put a lump in my throat. I can't see the problem with the ring, that's all Delia got...that and a feral old man LOL. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Fez, my friend. Thank you for the great review. John
Comment from Nosha17
Cute story, kids just love to play act being grown-ups, so this should appeal to kids. Likeable characters, fun story line and good dialogue. I spotted couple of errors-hope you don't mind-Para 19, their sweaty arms. Para 21, Tommy nodded-you have used past tense up to this point so you should continue, Para 22, Nicole yelled. Para 28, looked, Para 31, stopped. Most enjoyable. Faye
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Cute story, kids just love to play act being grown-ups, so this should appeal to kids. Likeable characters, fun story line and good dialogue. I spotted couple of errors-hope you don't mind-Para 19, their sweaty arms. Para 21, Tommy nodded-you have used past tense up to this point so you should continue, Para 22, Nicole yelled. Para 28, looked, Para 31, stopped. Most enjoyable. Faye
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Thank you Faye got a great review and corrections. You're the best. John
Comment from Debbie Noland
You use strong characterization, natural dialogue, and gentle humor to tell this story of two friends facing an impending separation. It is neat how they pattern their "ceremony" on what they have seen adults do. It is a heartwarming story that causes the reader to wonder his thongs will turn out. In that one line you want "their" sweaty arms, not "there." Great job.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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You use strong characterization, natural dialogue, and gentle humor to tell this story of two friends facing an impending separation. It is neat how they pattern their "ceremony" on what they have seen adults do. It is a heartwarming story that causes the reader to wonder his thongs will turn out. In that one line you want "their" sweaty arms, not "there." Great job.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Debbie, thank you for that great review, encouraging words and corrections.
I do appreciate it.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Hey there John,
This one will need a sequel... About 15 years later. I loved this one and could feel the innocent sincerity as Tommy and Nicole exchanged their vows. Seven and eight, what magical years.
The promise... well done
Love, Carolyn
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Hey there John,
This one will need a sequel... About 15 years later. I loved this one and could feel the innocent sincerity as Tommy and Nicole exchanged their vows. Seven and eight, what magical years.
The promise... well done
Love, Carolyn
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Hey, I like the sequel idea... Never crossed my mind. Then again, not much does!
Thanks Carolyn, I appreciate it very much. John
Comment from Gloria ....
John, your opening is perfect, brushing the blades of grass back and forth, looking for a dandelion ring, so sweet!
LOL, awful wedded husband. That's funny and I love it.
The sun beat down on both of them making their faces gleam with sweat. What a lovely sentence of pure adoration.
Sadness, now they are going to be parted by a family move. *sigh*
This is a beautifully told story, John.
Well, well done.
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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John, your opening is perfect, brushing the blades of grass back and forth, looking for a dandelion ring, so sweet!
LOL, awful wedded husband. That's funny and I love it.
The sun beat down on both of them making their faces gleam with sweat. What a lovely sentence of pure adoration.
Sadness, now they are going to be parted by a family move. *sigh*
This is a beautifully told story, John.
Well, well done.
Gloria
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Thank you sooooo much, Gloria! Your words are special and the stars str icing on the cake.
Thank you, John
Comment from patcelaw
This was a delightful read. Children have great imaginations, but sadly comes the time in life that they lose that imagination. As a parent I always wanted my children to use their imaginations. I wanted them to determine how to make their own toys when we were to poor to buy for them. They did make some of their own toys and games.
Patricia
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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This was a delightful read. Children have great imaginations, but sadly comes the time in life that they lose that imagination. As a parent I always wanted my children to use their imaginations. I wanted them to determine how to make their own toys when we were to poor to buy for them. They did make some of their own toys and games.
Patricia
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Thank you Patricia. I am always encouraged by your reviews.
John