Comment from Rob Caudle

Exceptional

Bev,

That was a great read. I felt a bit of carlos casteneda tumbling through the tale.
I love the driving peeing on the post scenario been there. I Live here in texas now and having sought out my own Brujo [ for completely nefarious reasons} years ago I am anxious to read on. I was about to tell you how much your writing had grown(you have always been one of my faves) but I see this was written 4 years ago when did i miss this great piece? Bravo well done

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015

Hi, Rob. Thanks very much for this awesome review. Your encouragement means a lot to me!

This version has been quite heavily edited from the original. Thanks for your comment on my growth. I feel like such a rube sometimes, so that really makes me smile.

My spirituality was heavily influenced by Carlos and some of his students who wrote their own versions of the events involving Don Juan. I'm trying to keep this story as a homage to someone who was way ahead of his time and not plagiarize his concepts and experiences. In fact, I still practice the Tensegrity magical passes handed down by Carlos to his inner circle and living on in the students of his lineage. Shamanism hold quite a fascination for me. Please let me know if I ever cross the line in the subsequent posts. That would be much appreciated.

Rob, you are most kind to check out this post. Thanks again for being such a gracious reviewer/friend.

:) Bev

reply by Rob Caudle on 22-Sep-2015

Bev,
I Loved the pull of Carlos. I thought it strengthend the feel [not a plagerised thing but a common shared experience thing] Carlos had a great influence on many of our lives. So the fact that as you tell the tale many of get to relate brings more grit to the story. I think when ever we write a we hope that those that are reading it can quickly Identify because of some shared feeling or experiance. A great example is writing that invokes the the Christian spirit no one would ever think that the author was in some way plagerizing the Bible but counting on a shared experience to highten the readers understanding and involvement.
Rob

reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015

Rob, thank you so much for easing my conscience. I honestly had put the story on hold back in 2011, because I thought I was doing an injustice to a body of work that influenced a whole generation. Thank you for the comparison to religious writing. I sure feel better!!!

In fact, in the subsequent years since the original Casteneda writings, I feel physics and alternative methods of healing and spirituality have borne out many of the sorcerers' tenets that Carlos was accused of making up. I wish he'd lived long enough to see the explosion of knowledge that bears out much of what Don Juan claimed all along.

I'm so glad you're back among us. I always considered you a gracious and giving FanStory friend.

:) Bev

Comment from jpduck

Excellent

This was a highly atmospheric start to your story. This first chapter was well structured, with some back-story nicely positioned in the middle. You've caught me all right; I look forward to future chapters.

'Conjurer: To practice sleight of hand.' ('conjurer' is the practitioner; 'conjure' is the practice).


Adrian

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015

Hi, Adrian. Hey, you actually read my terms! Bless you for catching that slip.

I really appreciate the review and encouragement. I've got big plans for Dr. Morales LoL.

:) Bev

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

Hi Bev, this is a wonderful and well written opening chapter to what promises to be a wonderful story, great character well described and wonderful dialogue my friend.

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015

Hi, Eric

Thanks so much for this very generous and encouraging review. I appreciate the time you took to read this first part
of the story. Lots more to come. I'm planning in the range of 6-8 parts. These days, long/short stories seem to be the
vogue. I think it's good in some ways for us writers that readers have less time to devote to longer novels. I usually run
out of steam after about fifteen chapters of a novel LoL. Anywho, thanks again!

:) Bev

reply by Eric1 on 24-Sep-2015

You are very welcome my friend.

Comment from JW

Excellent

Well written, this short story does an excellent job of leaving the reader with many questions. Unfortunately, with this being a short story and not the beginning of a novel - they will remain unanswered.

Thanks for sharing this, Bev. JW

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015

Hi, JW

Thanks for the awesome review. I do plan to continue this story into the range of 6-8 parts. I've been learning from books on writing and through classes online that long/short stories and novellas are the rage these days. People don't have time to read a lot and they want to be entertained quickly. I promise I won't leave you without some idea of what will happen to Dr.
Morales in his dealings with the Shaman.

Always good to hear from you!

:) Bev

Comment from Selina Stambi

Exceptional

Hi Bev,
Thrilled to see you posting again! A great opening chapter (in spite of the 'confusion' as per author notes!).

The sense of 'High Noon' fear and anticipation is fabulous.

Curiosity lurked in the shadows behind tipped hat brims and scarves protecting faces ... this line just sets the stage.

Great chapter, my friend. Really enjoyed.

Love,

Sonali

p.s. Your writing style has acquired such polish since I first started reading you, Bev. Way to go!

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015

Hi, Sonali

Thank you very much for this most gracious and encouraging review. I'm touched by your comments on my writing, and really appreciate you taking the time to express them. It means a lot to me.

I like, too, the analogy to the movie, High Noon. I love that movie! Now, I have a wonderful visual to keep me on track.

Hugs, Bev

reply by Selina Stambi on 22-Sep-2015

Hugs back, dear. I mean every word. :)

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

I found this to be a very interesting read.
There was not a dull moment and I was please to see it was not as raw as I expect it to be or I wouldn't have been able to finish this story.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015

Thanks so much, Cookie. I'm glad you were able to enjoy the story. More to come!

Blessings, Bev

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Great read Bev, I was sorry to get to the end Your descriptions put us right their with him in the car, in the desert and then waiting in the square. Really enjoyed this read.
at last (least) twenty miles away

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015

Hi, Pearl. Thanks for the grand review. I appreciate you sharing what you liked about the story. And thanks for catching that Spaggie.

:) Bev

Comment from Glenn Paul

Excellent

Intriguing story. Finding the turkey sandwich under the bottles was a nice touch, made the scene come to life. All of the fears make the whole trip more dangerous in a real sense. The change in font was a surprise but I understand what you are doing with it. I look forward to reading more.

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015

Hi, Glenn. I'm sorry if that font change was in the version you read. I had quite a time getting the piece to format correctly. I did notice there was a section where the font size was larger, no matter what I tried. Thanks for persisting, and for your very kind remarks.

:) Bev

Comment from Dean Kuch

Exceptional

Oh...hell no! This guy was hoping the fence he was taking a whiz on was electrified? He's obviously never lived in the country where this is done as a dare. You see, it's EXTREMELY painful because the current travels up the stream and into your...well suffice it to say it is very unpleasant, lol.

Coahuila, Mexico, huh? Sounds desolate--maybe a place people who value their lives and want to live a nice long one avoid like the Bubonic Plague. Besides, an American in Mexico stands out like a priest in a room full of gay choir boys, if you catch my drift...

In hindsight, Perhaps Morales had wished he'd taken Elise along for the ride. In addition to the companionship he would have received, there are plenty of places in the desert to pull off the road for an undisturbed "quickie". And what better stress-reliever is there than a good old romp in the hay...or tumbleweed, as the case were? After all, with a reputation as nefarious as Senor Pasquale's, one might need some back up!

G-r-r-r-r-r-r-e-a-t wring as usual, Bev. The dialogue was crisp and very well conveyed. The storyline is intriguing and highly entertaining. I'll endeavor to do my utmost best to keep following along for the ride...

~Well done!

~Dean ;)


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 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015

Haha, Dean. I love this review! It's hilarious and full of good ideas for the future of Dr. Morales. You are the second person to point out the electrified fence thing. The other was Green Lake Girl. She was raised on a farm and you own a ranch, so I better listen to the experts.

I appreciate your grand and most generous review, Dean. Thanks for the support.

:) Bev

reply by Dean Kuch on 21-Sep-2015

Anytime, Bev. I managed to get in on the ground floor of this story. I'll do my very best to keep following along.
~Dean :)

reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015

You're most gracious, Dean. I've changed that part about the fence. It makes more sense now!

Thanks again.

Bev

reply by Dean Kuch on 21-Sep-2015

It was my pleasure, Bev...anytime. :)

Comment from Mai Mai

Excellent

I'm guessing that this piece is the end of a much longer piece I have yet to read. The piece is very well written and flows nicely. I would have liked to have seen a little more action, but I'm guessing the background info is necessary. Good job and good luck.

Mai Mai

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015

Thanks for the review, Mai Mai. Yes, this is part of a longer story.

:) Bev