Littoral
Viewing comments for Prologue "Introduction"Poems about the coastline
16 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
This seems like this will be an interesting and varied read. I love the idea of you doing an introduction to garner attention. You piqued my interest. Be sure to post this introduction higher with a bigger payout to get more attention. Write reviews to earn $75.00+ FanStory dollars to post your introduction in the top twelve where it will receive at least forty reviews and earn fans. I wish you success in your well thought out project. Thanks.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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This seems like this will be an interesting and varied read. I love the idea of you doing an introduction to garner attention. You piqued my interest. Be sure to post this introduction higher with a bigger payout to get more attention. Write reviews to earn $75.00+ FanStory dollars to post your introduction in the top twelve where it will receive at least forty reviews and earn fans. I wish you success in your well thought out project. Thanks.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thank you for the sound advice and for your kind review.
Comment from Bill Schott
I am glad to get on board with the endeavor and look forward to seeing what you are posting. I have read some already. .........
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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I am glad to get on board with the endeavor and look forward to seeing what you are posting. I have read some already. .........
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Many thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
A well written summary of what the book will contain. Good luck with your book. Looks like the poems that are not yet posted will be interesting.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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A well written summary of what the book will contain. Good luck with your book. Looks like the poems that are not yet posted will be interesting.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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I think you are perhaps over generous here, I'm about to edit it quite seriously, but thank anyway.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Further feedback:
*This sentence is quite long and a bit awkward in structure. Consider revising:
The poems are concerned in many cases with the continuous war, waged between sea and land, in which first one and then the other claims victory as the tide ebbs and flows, for the most part twice a day or thereabouts.
*This ongoing warfare between our two main protagonists,(Suggest trimming this comma) effectively runs the lives of the countless sea creatures
*For thousands of years(,) men have won their living from the sea, but we are not concerned here with deep water sailors and fishermen,(no comma) so much as those who work the dangerous coastal waters, where rocks and sandbanks lie in wait for the unwary.
* We shall also be investigating the lifeboatmen(,) who have to rescue those who get into difficulties around our coasts.
*Weaker than Water dips into one of Selkie legends,(--)part of our rich, coastal folklore.
*
More recent has beeen(BEEN) the discovery of the pleasures of sea bathing, so there is a poem describing a bank holiday beach scene.
Consider revising sentence structure in the above as well as the sentence below:
As well as those who are only down for the day, there are many artists and craftspeople that live out their lives by the seashore, recording its moods in their pictures and sculpture; they also have their moment under the spotlight here.
*
There will inevitably be some aspects of the littoral that I have missed; if you can think of any(,) then please, let me know(,) and I may be able to include them in a later edition.
First review (FOUR stars)
Good intro--it needs fine tuning on spag and other small things, but the general tone, gist, content and organization are great. I look forward to perusing some of these poems.
Love the artwork you chose here. Nice.
Notes and suggestions:
*Then(,) of course(,) there is mankind to be considered.
*For thousands of years(,) men have won their living from the sea,
* Quite wordy:
There is also a rich folklore that has grown up around our coasts and I am glad to say that I have been able to set one of these old traditional tales to verse in the collection.
Consider trimming and tightening. Delete unnecessary filler words and things implied via context.
Example:
A rich folklore has grown up around our coasts. I am glad to say that I have been able to set one of these old traditional tales to verse.
*
More recently(,) humankind has discovered the pleasures of seaside holidays while(replace WHILE with AND) there are those artists and craftspeople that live their lives by the seashore(,) recording its moods in their pictures and sculpture.
* There will(,) of course(,) be those I have missed and hopefully(,) they may get themselves included in another volume or at a later date. If you can think of any(,) then please, let me know.
* the largest seaborne invasion of them all, that(WHICH) took place on the Normandy beaches in 1944.
* Awkward sentence structure:
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles. You, my readers, will decide on that, but rather because I enjoy the idea of getting to grips with them and(,) anyway, I need the practice!
Consider these alternatives:
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles (you, my readers, will decide on that) but rather because I
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles; you, my readers, will decide on that. Rather, I wrote this because I
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles--you, my readers, will decide on that--but rather because I
Good luck with your book.
Happy to re-review if you fine tune this...
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
 |
Second review
Further feedback:
*This sentence is quite long and a bit awkward in structure. Consider revising:
The poems are concerned in many cases with the continuous war, waged between sea and land, in which first one and then the other claims victory as the tide ebbs and flows, for the most part twice a day or thereabouts.
*This ongoing warfare between our two main protagonists,(Suggest trimming this comma) effectively runs the lives of the countless sea creatures
*For thousands of years(,) men have won their living from the sea, but we are not concerned here with deep water sailors and fishermen,(no comma) so much as those who work the dangerous coastal waters, where rocks and sandbanks lie in wait for the unwary.
* We shall also be investigating the lifeboatmen(,) who have to rescue those who get into difficulties around our coasts.
*Weaker than Water dips into one of Selkie legends,(--)part of our rich, coastal folklore.
*
More recent has beeen(BEEN) the discovery of the pleasures of sea bathing, so there is a poem describing a bank holiday beach scene.
Consider revising sentence structure in the above as well as the sentence below:
As well as those who are only down for the day, there are many artists and craftspeople that live out their lives by the seashore, recording its moods in their pictures and sculpture; they also have their moment under the spotlight here.
*
There will inevitably be some aspects of the littoral that I have missed; if you can think of any(,) then please, let me know(,) and I may be able to include them in a later edition.
First review (FOUR stars)
Good intro--it needs fine tuning on spag and other small things, but the general tone, gist, content and organization are great. I look forward to perusing some of these poems.
Love the artwork you chose here. Nice.
Notes and suggestions:
*Then(,) of course(,) there is mankind to be considered.
*For thousands of years(,) men have won their living from the sea,
* Quite wordy:
There is also a rich folklore that has grown up around our coasts and I am glad to say that I have been able to set one of these old traditional tales to verse in the collection.
Consider trimming and tightening. Delete unnecessary filler words and things implied via context.
Example:
A rich folklore has grown up around our coasts. I am glad to say that I have been able to set one of these old traditional tales to verse.
*
More recently(,) humankind has discovered the pleasures of seaside holidays while(replace WHILE with AND) there are those artists and craftspeople that live their lives by the seashore(,) recording its moods in their pictures and sculpture.
* There will(,) of course(,) be those I have missed and hopefully(,) they may get themselves included in another volume or at a later date. If you can think of any(,) then please, let me know.
* the largest seaborne invasion of them all, that(WHICH) took place on the Normandy beaches in 1944.
* Awkward sentence structure:
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles. You, my readers, will decide on that, but rather because I enjoy the idea of getting to grips with them and(,) anyway, I need the practice!
Consider these alternatives:
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles (you, my readers, will decide on that) but rather because I
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles; you, my readers, will decide on that. Rather, I wrote this because I
I did not embark on this collection because I believed I had mastered all these different styles--you, my readers, will decide on that--but rather because I
Good luck with your book.
Happy to re-review if you fine tune this...
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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That I will most definitely do. A most helpful review - as ever. Many thanks for your time and wisdom.
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Thanks for your gracious response :)
Comment from Gloria ....
This is going to be a great book of poetry, PG with land and sea your major protagonists. I see you've got Larry the Lobster AND a Crown of Heroic Sonnets about coxswain Henry Blogg, which I'm very much looking forward to reading.
Terrific idea and truly ambitious project. Very nice!
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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This is going to be a great book of poetry, PG with land and sea your major protagonists. I see you've got Larry the Lobster AND a Crown of Heroic Sonnets about coxswain Henry Blogg, which I'm very much looking forward to reading.
Terrific idea and truly ambitious project. Very nice!
Gloria
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thanks for the encouraging review. You have chosen to mention two titles at the opposite ends of the spectrum of seriousness there. It's going to take me a lot of reviewing in order to get the necessary certificates so, ambitiosness aside this one is going to take some time even though the poemns are already written apart from a couple of haik/Senryu. Stay tuned and thanks for your support.
Comment from thomdble
This sounds like something I may be interested in and it could give me ideas for a collection of poetry of my own. Though not of or near your own richly talented pen mine also will be heard. Good luck and I'll try to help wherever I can. Thank you
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
|
This sounds like something I may be interested in and it could give me ideas for a collection of poetry of my own. Though not of or near your own richly talented pen mine also will be heard. Good luck and I'll try to help wherever I can. Thank you
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thanks for the offer. I would really appreciate that.
