Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill
100 Word Story18 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
Well done author.you created tension from the start. Enough in a short piece like this to keep the reader hooked.
John
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Well done author.you created tension from the start. Enough in a short piece like this to keep the reader hooked.
John
Comment Written 04-Apr-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a nice variation on the old Jack and Jill nursery rhyme. I am not sure about the contraction of 'we all', to 'we'll'. It reads a little awkward.
Good luck in the contest.
GMG
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Hi there,
This is a nice variation on the old Jack and Jill nursery rhyme. I am not sure about the contraction of 'we all', to 'we'll'. It reads a little awkward.
Good luck in the contest.
GMG
Comment Written 04-Apr-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
Very well done. One of the few to tell an actual story. Much of the bsck story is easily filed on based on the exchange between Jack and Jill. Nice job building tension so quickly. Exceptional. A winner.
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Very well done. One of the few to tell an actual story. Much of the bsck story is easily filed on based on the exchange between Jack and Jill. Nice job building tension so quickly. Exceptional. A winner.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
Comment from Cajungirl
lol, Jill should have stayed away from that hill. You have done a fantastic job telling a great story in only 100 words and meeting the criteria of the writing prompt; characters, setting, conflict and what a resolution. hahahaha
Best of luck in the contest.
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lol, Jill should have stayed away from that hill. You have done a fantastic job telling a great story in only 100 words and meeting the criteria of the writing prompt; characters, setting, conflict and what a resolution. hahahaha
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is a wildly creative one-hundred-yard-dash flash fiction entry for the contest. Quite an interesting, mysterious new outlook for the Jack and Jill story. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
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This is a wildly creative one-hundred-yard-dash flash fiction entry for the contest. Quite an interesting, mysterious new outlook for the Jack and Jill story. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
Comment from Bill Schott
It's amazing how this story matches my own story. I took a future wife to the very same place in my uncle's barn that I had taken her sister a month earlier. Nice story.
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It's amazing how this story matches my own story. I took a future wife to the very same place in my uncle's barn that I had taken her sister a month earlier. Nice story.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, a fascinating piece of flash fiction. Or would this be considered micro flash?
You have an interesting way of bringing the reader to disclosure and the climax. Only until the next to the last line did I know he would be killing Jill.
Good job, Mr/mrs/ anonymity.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Hey, a fascinating piece of flash fiction. Or would this be considered micro flash?
You have an interesting way of bringing the reader to disclosure and the climax. Only until the next to the last line did I know he would be killing Jill.
Good job, Mr/mrs/ anonymity.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
Comment from Jacob Collins
This is a great contest entry, you certainly set the scene well and put a dark twist on the rhyme: Jack and Jill went up the hill. I couldn't spot any faults with your writing. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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This is a great contest entry, you certainly set the scene well and put a dark twist on the rhyme: Jack and Jill went up the hill. I couldn't spot any faults with your writing. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015