I Feel Fine
a short free verse24 total reviews
Comment from mfowler
This is short but very powerful.
It took me a moment to appreciate that it is probably about domestic violence.
Stanza 1 suggests that she is taking a blade from her back, but I'm reading that metaphorically as any kind of physical or emotional abuse.
Stanza 2 speaks of that stoic attitude victims often get and try to see everything as being OK, normal.
Stanza 3 is pretty blunt. He will hit again.
She feels fine. Right, but it fits the prompt perfectly.
Excellent free verse.
Thanks Deb, for another terrific challenge. The writers are jumping in with amazing diversity in their work.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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This is short but very powerful.
It took me a moment to appreciate that it is probably about domestic violence.
Stanza 1 suggests that she is taking a blade from her back, but I'm reading that metaphorically as any kind of physical or emotional abuse.
Stanza 2 speaks of that stoic attitude victims often get and try to see everything as being OK, normal.
Stanza 3 is pretty blunt. He will hit again.
She feels fine. Right, but it fits the prompt perfectly.
Excellent free verse.
Thanks Deb, for another terrific challenge. The writers are jumping in with amazing diversity in their work.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Hi Mark :) Thank you so much for your great feedback. I appreciate it :)
Thanks also for taking part in the contest, it was a close vote eh?! Yours was a wonderful entry - I am getting round to reviewing - had a godawful busy weekend! Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi Debra ...
How true those words in your accompanying graphic. Betrayal is one of the hardest blows to take.
And i think many people are like the subject of your poem ... they just take the onslaught because they don't know how to let go of a friendship. Your words are painful but so true for so many people. As always, a great write!
Good luck. Hugs ...
Alan
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Hi Debra ...
How true those words in your accompanying graphic. Betrayal is one of the hardest blows to take.
And i think many people are like the subject of your poem ... they just take the onslaught because they don't know how to let go of a friendship. Your words are painful but so true for so many people. As always, a great write!
Good luck. Hugs ...
Alan
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Hello Alan,
Thank you for your great insightful feedback and the good luck wishes. I appreciate both :)
Hope this reply finds you well....
Kindest regards as always, Debra x
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Always my pleasure!
Comment from Patti R.
A tough topic.
The picture of your big eyes gave me shivers.
You're okay, right?
Right.
The trick is easing the blade out.
The poem is excellent.
A bit scary.
I like it.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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A tough topic.
The picture of your big eyes gave me shivers.
You're okay, right?
Right.
The trick is easing the blade out.
The poem is excellent.
A bit scary.
I like it.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Hi Patti,
I'm good, thank you for checking :)
I'm learning..... distancing myself is the key - but not too far. It's a fine balance.
Thank you for stopping by,
love, Debra x
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Absolutely.
NIce free verse
Short but made a very strong point.
Like turning the other cheek?
Nicely done for the contest entry
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Absolutely.
NIce free verse
Short but made a very strong point.
Like turning the other cheek?
Nicely done for the contest entry
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Barb :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from RichardFann
Like the juxtaposition of capitals card and poem.
Has someone betrayed you?
That is the question every reader will ask.
Every reader will lie awake and ask.
Every reader will toss and turn, wondering....
pondering...
who is this b*st4rd who so casually is making life hell
for you?
9898(*&*(9878
Now for something completely different, lighthearted too:
I do not know how to set up a competition, but if I could
the briefs for the story would be:
A. No more than 200 words.
2. This is your chance to name those b*st*rds who have given you hell and exactly how they did it.
3. A well deserved prize for them, a sticky end.
4. The winner gets a crustard pie in the post to use it at will.
All typos deliberate.
The next competition will be a typos competition.
The briefs for this will be:
A. No more than 200 words as usual.
2. A typo in the story changes its direction.
eg He swallowed a laced drink and dyed instantly. The dring was contaminated with cochineal, but it should have been cyanide. He went bright red, but he lived a day longer than expected. [ all typos deliberate].
Hope this comment has cheered you up.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Like the juxtaposition of capitals card and poem.
Has someone betrayed you?
That is the question every reader will ask.
Every reader will lie awake and ask.
Every reader will toss and turn, wondering....
pondering...
who is this b*st4rd who so casually is making life hell
for you?
9898(*&*(9878
Now for something completely different, lighthearted too:
I do not know how to set up a competition, but if I could
the briefs for the story would be:
A. No more than 200 words.
2. This is your chance to name those b*st*rds who have given you hell and exactly how they did it.
3. A well deserved prize for them, a sticky end.
4. The winner gets a crustard pie in the post to use it at will.
All typos deliberate.
The next competition will be a typos competition.
The briefs for this will be:
A. No more than 200 words as usual.
2. A typo in the story changes its direction.
eg He swallowed a laced drink and dyed instantly. The dring was contaminated with cochineal, but it should have been cyanide. He went bright red, but he lived a day longer than expected. [ all typos deliberate].
Hope this comment has cheered you up.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Hi Richard :) You never fail to cheer me up....!
I think those contests would fill up instantly and be really good fun - you should sponsor them for sure - only FSD$3 to set up too.
Let me know if you struggle with setting them up and I'll help you :)
Thanks for the great feedback..... although I'm sure nobody really gives 2 hoots who it is who repeatedly stabs me in the back! Also, really appreciate the 6 stars :)
Debra x
Comment from ravenblack
I never thought of that. That you can't be betrayed by enemies for the simple reason that they are just that- enemies. Easing that blade out with a smile while crying inside- been there many times. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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I never thought of that. That you can't be betrayed by enemies for the simple reason that they are just that- enemies. Easing that blade out with a smile while crying inside- been there many times. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Hi ravenblack :) Thank you for your empathetic feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both! Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from Tatarka2
Wow. This was so powerful, and such a unique and original use of the song title. The beginning quote is perfect, and really puts the poem in perspective. This is very well done.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Wow. This was so powerful, and such a unique and original use of the song title. The beginning quote is perfect, and really puts the poem in perspective. This is very well done.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for your great feedback :) Kindest regards, Debra
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You know, you are right. They do come from your 'friends' and not your enemies. Sad. Your poem touches many, I would think. I seems to me to be the way of things these days. Nicely done, my friend. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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You know, you are right. They do come from your 'friends' and not your enemies. Sad. Your poem touches many, I would think. I seems to me to be the way of things these days. Nicely done, my friend. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, Sandra, for your great feedback and good luck wishes :) Kindest regards, Debra xx
Comment from patcelaw
This is short and a rather dark work. You say it is biographical so I am assuming you endured abuse. If that be the case my heart aches for you, I was abused by both my parents as a child. Patricia
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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This is short and a rather dark work. You say it is biographical so I am assuming you endured abuse. If that be the case my heart aches for you, I was abused by both my parents as a child. Patricia
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Hi Patricia, Thank you so much for your great feedback, I'm sorry about the abuse you endured as a child - heartbreaking...x Kindest regards, Debra
Comment from gypsycaravan
It's amazing that the little phrase "I feel fine" actually means the exact opposite. I love the saying on your graphic. How true. Great poem, Debra.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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It's amazing that the little phrase "I feel fine" actually means the exact opposite. I love the saying on your graphic. How true. Great poem, Debra.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Hi gc, Thank you so much for your great feedback :) Kindest regards, Debra x