The White Chameleon
Short Story26 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
A fun, loosey-goosey read, Mikey.
Well, I'm a poet who funds their poetry by selling mass quantities of murder mysteries. [Poet must agree with the singular "his"]
But that's a story for another time. [But it's damn well put!]
Well, Mikey, you've established the premise, shown us the characters, opened some questions ... but it's not a standalone as it is now.
The description of his ex-wife's eye (or was it his wife's ex-eye?) was brilliant!
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A fun, loosey-goosey read, Mikey.
Well, I'm a poet who funds their poetry by selling mass quantities of murder mysteries. [Poet must agree with the singular "his"]
But that's a story for another time. [But it's damn well put!]
Well, Mikey, you've established the premise, shown us the characters, opened some questions ... but it's not a standalone as it is now.
The description of his ex-wife's eye (or was it his wife's ex-eye?) was brilliant!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Nosha17
This is one of your way out stories, I am not quite sure. The prospective characters sound interesting; maybe, if they had a crime to solve or commit their best side would appear. Reminds me a bit of those Chandler detective stories, with the slick-talking Philip Marlowe showing the dame a good time. (I heard one or two of his plays on BBC radio recently and they were really good. The guy who played Marlowe was an Englishman, Toby Stephens, Maggie Smith's real life son)A female Marlowe might be good. These are just my thoughts, maybe I got it wrong. Faye
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This is one of your way out stories, I am not quite sure. The prospective characters sound interesting; maybe, if they had a crime to solve or commit their best side would appear. Reminds me a bit of those Chandler detective stories, with the slick-talking Philip Marlowe showing the dame a good time. (I heard one or two of his plays on BBC radio recently and they were really good. The guy who played Marlowe was an Englishman, Toby Stephens, Maggie Smith's real life son)A female Marlowe might be good. These are just my thoughts, maybe I got it wrong. Faye
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from pattipac
LOL, Loosey Goosey, or Juicy Lucy has no idea what a night of fun might mean to her. Not sure her attraction to Tony's pet mouse, or her weird personality will cause her to be a character or a victim in Tony's next novel. For her sake she had better pray for a character roll. Can' t wait to read your next installment! Sounds like you have the making of a fun-filled murder novel here, my friend.
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LOL, Loosey Goosey, or Juicy Lucy has no idea what a night of fun might mean to her. Not sure her attraction to Tony's pet mouse, or her weird personality will cause her to be a character or a victim in Tony's next novel. For her sake she had better pray for a character roll. Can' t wait to read your next installment! Sounds like you have the making of a fun-filled murder novel here, my friend.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from angelface2
Hi Mikey. This is a good stand alone story, but it has good possibilities for a great novel, too. I personally think she should be Juicy Lucy, but that is not a serious point. The rat was a thrilling introduction! Not that I like rats! Heavens! Just keep him in his cage, whatever you do. :>D Miss Sally
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Hi Mikey. This is a good stand alone story, but it has good possibilities for a great novel, too. I personally think she should be Juicy Lucy, but that is not a serious point. The rat was a thrilling introduction! Not that I like rats! Heavens! Just keep him in his cage, whatever you do. :>D Miss Sally
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from emrpoems
Hi Mike,
I am no expert writer but I do know a good story when I read one and there is nothing that you write that's not professional and enjoyable.It would be a great idea to continue this story you kept me engage right to the end
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Hi Mike,
I am no expert writer but I do know a good story when I read one and there is nothing that you write that's not professional and enjoyable.It would be a great idea to continue this story you kept me engage right to the end
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from thunderrumble
Nice work. You've laid the groundwork for the underlying psychology of your main character quickly and clearly while also making it interesting. It definitely makes me want to keep reading.
You've got him using a distinctive, flowing patter with his internal dialog.
One thing, just for something to consider... His voice IS the character, much more than his appearance because it's his voice continuously filling the reader's imagination as the narrator; it might be nice to have a few tidbits to know what I should be imagining. Is he Patrick Stewart, or Marv from Sin City? Is he Antonio Banderas, or the Inconceivable Guy from Princess Bride?
Maybe the first drink is to wash some of the rocks from his already gravelly voice... maybe Goosey has to tilt her head to hear his soft speech... maybe Gallahad never seems to have trouble with hearing him from across the room despite the low pitch... Goosey could ask about his accent.
Just something to consider to give recognizable voice to such distinctive dialog.
Very very readable. Good luck with is.
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Nice work. You've laid the groundwork for the underlying psychology of your main character quickly and clearly while also making it interesting. It definitely makes me want to keep reading.
You've got him using a distinctive, flowing patter with his internal dialog.
One thing, just for something to consider... His voice IS the character, much more than his appearance because it's his voice continuously filling the reader's imagination as the narrator; it might be nice to have a few tidbits to know what I should be imagining. Is he Patrick Stewart, or Marv from Sin City? Is he Antonio Banderas, or the Inconceivable Guy from Princess Bride?
Maybe the first drink is to wash some of the rocks from his already gravelly voice... maybe Goosey has to tilt her head to hear his soft speech... maybe Gallahad never seems to have trouble with hearing him from across the room despite the low pitch... Goosey could ask about his accent.
Just something to consider to give recognizable voice to such distinctive dialog.
Very very readable. Good luck with is.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Acquired Taste
I think this has definite possibilities for going forward as I would like to read more about Antonio Goldwater Balderamous. Three names - most serial killers have three names and I can see this guy killing then writing a story about it.
Am interested what horrific accident befell his first wife. Gotta be a connection with her violet eyes. Perhaps they're sitting in a jar by his computer (along with Dean's heart.)
A prologue is fine - would rather like to see this as a finished piece. Interesting, engaging and enjoyable - begs for additional story. Jean
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I think this has definite possibilities for going forward as I would like to read more about Antonio Goldwater Balderamous. Three names - most serial killers have three names and I can see this guy killing then writing a story about it.
Am interested what horrific accident befell his first wife. Gotta be a connection with her violet eyes. Perhaps they're sitting in a jar by his computer (along with Dean's heart.)
A prologue is fine - would rather like to see this as a finished piece. Interesting, engaging and enjoyable - begs for additional story. Jean
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from gypsycaravan
You have a book with this title? What do you do? Write titles and then start the book? Interesting, mikey. Do continue this one. Lucy and Tony might think about a Bonnie and Clyde thing instead of doing away with Lucy. What do ya think? I, too, have been avoiding the prompts lately and letting the fans review. The blind entries just kind of die in the voting booth arena. It definitely needs some revamping.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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You have a book with this title? What do you do? Write titles and then start the book? Interesting, mikey. Do continue this one. Lucy and Tony might think about a Bonnie and Clyde thing instead of doing away with Lucy. What do ya think? I, too, have been avoiding the prompts lately and letting the fans review. The blind entries just kind of die in the voting booth arena. It definitely needs some revamping.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Actually, I joined intending to post all of the work I had written throughout my life. Somehow it is all sitting on the shelf and I've written all new pieces since I've been here. I wrote a book entitled "The White Chameleon" about five years ago that gathers dust on my shelf. :) I borrowed the title for this as the story is similar to the stories in the book. Not sure what to do with this. Maybe team them up. They are distinct. mikey
Comment from Michaelk
I think it definitely has potential. You start out making your Tony character both likable and identifiable. He speaks of the darkness if his first wife, yet by the end the reader can see a glimpse of the darkness in him.
You seem to hint at him being an actual serial killer who writes about a serial killer. Maybe you could have a strong female detective hunt him down using the clues from his books.
I know you could turn this into a novel, look what you did with Vision and Sound.
Great story, looking forward to chapter two.
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I think it definitely has potential. You start out making your Tony character both likable and identifiable. He speaks of the darkness if his first wife, yet by the end the reader can see a glimpse of the darkness in him.
You seem to hint at him being an actual serial killer who writes about a serial killer. Maybe you could have a strong female detective hunt him down using the clues from his books.
I know you could turn this into a novel, look what you did with Vision and Sound.
Great story, looking forward to chapter two.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Sankey
Interesting read again my curiouser than curiouser friend or fiend or?? Always wonder where we are going with your strange mine and weird pen? Now some West coast spags....tells m(e?)y true
couple (of)aspirin
lazy Westies...a couple (of)aspirin will do, Tony."
when bathed in the dawn's early (light?).
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Interesting read again my curiouser than curiouser friend or fiend or?? Always wonder where we are going with your strange mine and weird pen? Now some West coast spags....tells m(e?)y true
couple (of)aspirin
lazy Westies...a couple (of)aspirin will do, Tony."
when bathed in the dawn's early (light?).
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015