Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "I Love A Gal With Brains"A collection of sonnets
32 total reviews
Comment from angelface2
OH that is a horror sonnet all right. UGH. good thing the picture was not any more dramatic, or I would not have read it. Oh, Mikey, it is well written as a sonnet, but why be so gory? No never mind. I know that is what you like to do. :>D Miss Sally
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OH that is a horror sonnet all right. UGH. good thing the picture was not any more dramatic, or I would not have read it. Oh, Mikey, it is well written as a sonnet, but why be so gory? No never mind. I know that is what you like to do. :>D Miss Sally
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from reconciled
Ya know that reads kind of disgusting Mike, but written remarkably well ...sure proof some children were birthed in hell. Jeffrey Dommer disposition...bug love Michael
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Ya know that reads kind of disgusting Mike, but written remarkably well ...sure proof some children were birthed in hell. Jeffrey Dommer disposition...bug love Michael
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was really gross. I enjoyed it nonetheless. The tone made it read with a gallant air, yet the text wa anything but. Great imagery and the emotional feeling was all over the place. Fun stuff. Gretchen
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This was really gross. I enjoyed it nonetheless. The tone made it read with a gallant air, yet the text wa anything but. Great imagery and the emotional feeling was all over the place. Fun stuff. Gretchen
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from l.raven
ya kill me Michael...you love a girl with brains...yum...yum...I have got to vote you...love the wording...to many good lines to pick one...most be something wrong with me...made me laugh...right from the title...so very well thought of and very well written...luff Linda xxoo
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ya kill me Michael...you love a girl with brains...yum...yum...I have got to vote you...love the wording...to many good lines to pick one...most be something wrong with me...made me laugh...right from the title...so very well thought of and very well written...luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from Donya Quijote
Yuk to say the least but from my perspective and I, being far from an expert in the genre of the sonnet, find that this horrifying poem is grossly done. As to brains and the eating thereof, I wonder how many zombies regretted munching down on those maddened by infected cows?
Disgusting wishes to you in this contest. I think you will do just fine...
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Yuk to say the least but from my perspective and I, being far from an expert in the genre of the sonnet, find that this horrifying poem is grossly done. As to brains and the eating thereof, I wonder how many zombies regretted munching down on those maddened by infected cows?
Disgusting wishes to you in this contest. I think you will do just fine...
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from Drew Delaney
Disgusting but well written. I am not in for blood and gore, at least not yet. LOL
The picture looks familiar. Anybody I should know? Have a great week and take time to digest. Drew
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Disgusting but well written. I am not in for blood and gore, at least not yet. LOL
The picture looks familiar. Anybody I should know? Have a great week and take time to digest. Drew
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from closetpoetjester
LOL Nice short horror film, and in pentameter too. Now, my main tip is next time you're hungry, dial up some take away...it's MUCH easier to clean up haha
A sickeningly pleasurable read for me. I can't stand horror movies but this virtual gore was just palatable enough for the senses. Excellent rhymes in "ballet" and "bouquet" not sure if this is a typo "groteque"...maybe insert an "s"
Also, this line felt heavy in the middle at "entrails"...and it felt a tiny bit clunky.
I FEED on ENtrails WITH unBRIDEled GLEE.
A tiny suggestion and small grammar change:
I feed on (your) entrails (,) unbridled glee.
OR
My feast on your entrails, unbridled glee.
Just run it by your ear, that's all I ask.
I believe the colon or semi colon could also be used where comma is. Still, I'm no punctuation expert, just a meter freak like you. Not sure if it COULD be a pronunciation difference with enTRAILS
Still, a super poem and although I'm NOT a fan of blood and guts, I am a fan of damn well written poetry. Please have a sixer for this bloody feast. Now go lick the gore off those fingertips and get to work on your next serve. LOL...maybe the dodgy contest judges??? LMAO
Cheers P
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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LOL Nice short horror film, and in pentameter too. Now, my main tip is next time you're hungry, dial up some take away...it's MUCH easier to clean up haha
A sickeningly pleasurable read for me. I can't stand horror movies but this virtual gore was just palatable enough for the senses. Excellent rhymes in "ballet" and "bouquet" not sure if this is a typo "groteque"...maybe insert an "s"
Also, this line felt heavy in the middle at "entrails"...and it felt a tiny bit clunky.
I FEED on ENtrails WITH unBRIDEled GLEE.
A tiny suggestion and small grammar change:
I feed on (your) entrails (,) unbridled glee.
OR
My feast on your entrails, unbridled glee.
Just run it by your ear, that's all I ask.
I believe the colon or semi colon could also be used where comma is. Still, I'm no punctuation expert, just a meter freak like you. Not sure if it COULD be a pronunciation difference with enTRAILS
Still, a super poem and although I'm NOT a fan of blood and guts, I am a fan of damn well written poetry. Please have a sixer for this bloody feast. Now go lick the gore off those fingertips and get to work on your next serve. LOL...maybe the dodgy contest judges??? LMAO
Cheers P
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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I slurp her eyeballs--gastronomic glee!
Aren't you glad you had me look at it? Ha! I think my California accent which is very lazy and slurred when pronouncing things is a factor sometimes when a line doesn't read correctly. A word like "totally" is virtually two syllables the way we pronounce it, totly. If I'm not thinking about it I'll through a word in pronounced like that. I'm not sure the judges are edible. :) Thanks for catching grotesque, I never would've noticed. What a great review. I love the revised line. Thanks for suggesting I take a look. It took me a year to get this meter in my brain. Yes, I love it now!! mikey
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LOL
Well your meter was exceptional so you had me fooled as a regular meter head where it just rolls off the tongue.
I LOVE the new line.
Nuthin like a bit of team work. Yes I'm GLAD I had you take a look.
Thanks for your gracious and amusing response and I agree about the entrails...I think it might be two heavies...as in DUM DUM as in EN TRAILS...
Much enjoyed this Mikey, well done again.
P
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Yuk, Mikey, that was really gory, I thought you wrote this really well, but I hope you never come near me, my brains are amazing!! Hehehe, and they are not for sale! Lovely bedtime poem. LOL. :) Sandra
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Yuk, Mikey, that was really gory, I thought you wrote this really well, but I hope you never come near me, my brains are amazing!! Hehehe, and they are not for sale! Lovely bedtime poem. LOL. :) Sandra
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from country ranch writer
You little heathen you know you are a brain drain on ones life shush I think I hear Dean coming you way stealthy wanting a sip of the nectar you a want engorge on. Now he is going to hunt you down for stealing another brain you know its his favorite thing. One day I shall see your brain in a jar upon his shelf begging to be released and he will say Not!
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You little heathen you know you are a brain drain on ones life shush I think I hear Dean coming you way stealthy wanting a sip of the nectar you a want engorge on. Now he is going to hunt you down for stealing another brain you know its his favorite thing. One day I shall see your brain in a jar upon his shelf begging to be released and he will say Not!
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
Comment from pattipac
LOL, Mikey, your sure know how to feast on the innocent beauties of this world, my man. Wooing them with with polite attention and compliments, then having your way with her in more ways than one. Excellent word-choice and rhyme-scheme make this one a winner.
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LOL, Mikey, your sure know how to feast on the innocent beauties of this world, my man. Wooing them with with polite attention and compliments, then having your way with her in more ways than one. Excellent word-choice and rhyme-scheme make this one a winner.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
