The Virus
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Emergence Written October 2014"Changing the world's attitudes
45 total reviews
Comment from CR Delport
A good introductory chapter that we meet the characters and you set the scene for what is to come. Losing one's sight must be one of the most terrible things. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2014
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A good introductory chapter that we meet the characters and you set the scene for what is to come. Losing one's sight must be one of the most terrible things. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2014
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Thank you. More coming...John
Comment from PoeticXscape
This story was exciting from the off. It sounded like a great idea for a sci fi tv show. The characters are interesting and add depth to the story.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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This story was exciting from the off. It sounded like a great idea for a sci fi tv show. The characters are interesting and add depth to the story.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Thank you very much for your input. The next chapter is coming in the next couple of days...John
Comment from chasennov
Introduction of characters The Virus 'Emergence.' This is an excellent first chapter you have created here. I trust that all the others will follow this model. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Introduction of characters The Virus 'Emergence.' This is an excellent first chapter you have created here. I trust that all the others will follow this model. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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"Dawning" comes next. Thanks for the encouragement...John
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You are most welcome, John.
Comment from Ekim777
This is a most ambitious work. We can bemoan the shortcomings of civilization, some already say that civilization as we know it is a total failure because of its short comings but when societies collapse before the wild forces of nature, the negative results are astronomical. The truth is man depends more on outside, mechanical trappings than his impoverished, inner self. And there is the rub. It shows in the characters created by our astute author. The story needs deeper characters because in a work like this, the characters are the action!
The symptom of blindness is most significant and symbolic. As Sophocles made Oedipus say; "When I could see, I was blind. Now I am blind, I can see. I hope you find my remarks helpful. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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This is a most ambitious work. We can bemoan the shortcomings of civilization, some already say that civilization as we know it is a total failure because of its short comings but when societies collapse before the wild forces of nature, the negative results are astronomical. The truth is man depends more on outside, mechanical trappings than his impoverished, inner self. And there is the rub. It shows in the characters created by our astute author. The story needs deeper characters because in a work like this, the characters are the action!
The symptom of blindness is most significant and symbolic. As Sophocles made Oedipus say; "When I could see, I was blind. Now I am blind, I can see. I hope you find my remarks helpful. -Ekim777
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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You will see some of the same future that I wrote in previous works coming up. Thanks so much for your input...John
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write and a very enjoyable story. I read fromstart to finish and found no reason to change any of it. Thanks for sharing. Mary
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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A good write and a very enjoyable story. I read fromstart to finish and found no reason to change any of it. Thanks for sharing. Mary
Comment Written 28-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Next installment is "Dawning." Thanks for your input...John
Comment from SimplyaStudent
You have a good voice, it reminds me of a book i read by Stephen King called The Stand. The plot is also a great start, and simple enough to keep up with but deep enough to want to follow.
I did however notice that your work seemed a bit... slippery?
Have you ever read something that was interesting but it felt like you couldnt get any traction? Like you couldnt sink your teeth into it? Thats how i was feeling as i read it.
Like there needed to be more variety as far as word choice is concerned. More detail:-)
For example, (if i may)
Betty was a psychologist, and stood among some of the most well respected in her field; aiding in the development of mentally troubled and challenged children.
I dont know if you can see the difference, but attention to detail is very important. Your going to hear things like "dont make it to wordy" and so on, but dont worry about that too much. Say everything you want to say, the emotions, the sounds the smells the flowers, paint a picture. :-)
Anyway, I hope i have not offended you, i do like where the first chapter is going and would like to read the next. Keep it up.:-) SS
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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You have a good voice, it reminds me of a book i read by Stephen King called The Stand. The plot is also a great start, and simple enough to keep up with but deep enough to want to follow.
I did however notice that your work seemed a bit... slippery?
Have you ever read something that was interesting but it felt like you couldnt get any traction? Like you couldnt sink your teeth into it? Thats how i was feeling as i read it.
Like there needed to be more variety as far as word choice is concerned. More detail:-)
For example, (if i may)
Betty was a psychologist, and stood among some of the most well respected in her field; aiding in the development of mentally troubled and challenged children.
I dont know if you can see the difference, but attention to detail is very important. Your going to hear things like "dont make it to wordy" and so on, but dont worry about that too much. Say everything you want to say, the emotions, the sounds the smells the flowers, paint a picture. :-)
Anyway, I hope i have not offended you, i do like where the first chapter is going and would like to read the next. Keep it up.:-) SS
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the suggestions - I heed well. John
Comment from hari anand
This is an intersting read, the concept of virus that spread faster than wildfire is novel. I like your thought here-:
"There's onething worse than being blind - having sight
and no vision."
Waiting for the mxt chapter....:)
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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This is an intersting read, the concept of virus that spread faster than wildfire is novel. I like your thought here-:
"There's onething worse than being blind - having sight
and no vision."
Waiting for the mxt chapter....:)
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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"Dawning" will be posted in the next couple of days...Thanks much for the kind review...John
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is very well penned. I very much like the concept of the story and you seem to be approaching it in a creative manner as opposed to the typical apocalypse through epidemic scenarios that are pretty worn out. I was particularly taken by the way you end this by saying time no longer matters - only the present counts which is quite a profound awakening for many. You have a small typo: "All viruses a limited life span" - should this be have a limited life span? Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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This is very well penned. I very much like the concept of the story and you seem to be approaching it in a creative manner as opposed to the typical apocalypse through epidemic scenarios that are pretty worn out. I was particularly taken by the way you end this by saying time no longer matters - only the present counts which is quite a profound awakening for many. You have a small typo: "All viruses a limited life span" - should this be have a limited life span? Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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I made the change - thanks for that. "Dawning" will be posted in the next couple of days...John
Comment from mikemagine
WOW! An intense chapter to say the least...Your user name is aptly chosen:) You are quite a thinker!! This is very well plotted and exciting and fast-paced. I think you've got a very promising book here!
I also like the quote from Helen Keller:) Remarkable woman indeed!!
Peace,
Mike
Wow!! This first version was VERY good, but you've really dialed up the tension and accelerated the pace! I give you a virtual six. Easy!
In my opinion, this rivals King's The Stand or McCammon's Swan Song! Every bit as harrowing and imaginative as those works! TBH, I think King's Stand was not really tightly written and kind of rambled at times. I think McCammon's Swan song was/is noticeably better.
Yes, your chapter might be kind of short, but you say a LOT! You KNOW what you're doing.
Keep at this!! And again, please let me know every time you're on this...Thanks!
Peace,
Mike
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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WOW! An intense chapter to say the least...Your user name is aptly chosen:) You are quite a thinker!! This is very well plotted and exciting and fast-paced. I think you've got a very promising book here!
I also like the quote from Helen Keller:) Remarkable woman indeed!!
Peace,
Mike
Wow!! This first version was VERY good, but you've really dialed up the tension and accelerated the pace! I give you a virtual six. Easy!
In my opinion, this rivals King's The Stand or McCammon's Swan Song! Every bit as harrowing and imaginative as those works! TBH, I think King's Stand was not really tightly written and kind of rambled at times. I think McCammon's Swan song was/is noticeably better.
Yes, your chapter might be kind of short, but you say a LOT! You KNOW what you're doing.
Keep at this!! And again, please let me know every time you're on this...Thanks!
Peace,
Mike
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Mike. I am taking all helpful comments to rewrite and will notify you when done. Hope you will follow. Thanks again...John
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Sure thing, John. Yes, please do notify me:)
Peace!
Mike
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Done...
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:-)
Comment from the angry bookworm
Great job introducing the characters and their backgrounds. The settings vivid and clear. The dialogue was pretty good too. What I like the most about your story is how you are including different points of view. I look forward to reading how the different characters handle the situation.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Great job introducing the characters and their backgrounds. The settings vivid and clear. The dialogue was pretty good too. What I like the most about your story is how you are including different points of view. I look forward to reading how the different characters handle the situation.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Getting to it. Thanks...John