More than a shirt
A reason to fight - 300 words49 total reviews
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, well done, a sterling effort. Congratulations on your win which is well deserved. You wrote a very powerful short story-- very effective and no doubt the sentiments would be endorsed by many, Giddy
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Oh, well done, a sterling effort. Congratulations on your win which is well deserved. You wrote a very powerful short story-- very effective and no doubt the sentiments would be endorsed by many, Giddy
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from Sean A. Chai
Wonderful job on this piece. It's sad to say this is happening somewhere. Cultural diversity is all well and good as long as ALL diversities are recognized. I had a conversation with a policy maker (PDD is the term) two years ago, when she was going on about how wonderful the government is for recognizing all the various cultures. The only question I posed for her was: where is the national male Caucasian month? I'm not male. I didn't have a big stake in the question, but isn't that selectively discriminating by exclusion? I got a blank look and silence in response.
As far as the prose, I have to ask: why where the other classmates standing around like statues and the principal so submissive? It's been a while since high school, but I remember students gathering around fighters and loudly singing "happy birthday" so they could continue to watch the fight. The principal would never have let it go on if he knew about it.
Not sure the comma is needed after "but" in the last paragraph.
Excellent job on this. Congratulations on winning the contest.
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Wonderful job on this piece. It's sad to say this is happening somewhere. Cultural diversity is all well and good as long as ALL diversities are recognized. I had a conversation with a policy maker (PDD is the term) two years ago, when she was going on about how wonderful the government is for recognizing all the various cultures. The only question I posed for her was: where is the national male Caucasian month? I'm not male. I didn't have a big stake in the question, but isn't that selectively discriminating by exclusion? I got a blank look and silence in response.
As far as the prose, I have to ask: why where the other classmates standing around like statues and the principal so submissive? It's been a while since high school, but I remember students gathering around fighters and loudly singing "happy birthday" so they could continue to watch the fight. The principal would never have let it go on if he knew about it.
Not sure the comma is needed after "but" in the last paragraph.
Excellent job on this. Congratulations on winning the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am applauding you for writing this. It does seem that we are in a minority for loving our country. But we must be tolerant of others while they are NOT tolerant of us. Good luck with the contest.
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I am applauding you for writing this. It does seem that we are in a minority for loving our country. But we must be tolerant of others while they are NOT tolerant of us. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from janalma
Actually, this made me so mad that I couldn't enjoy the writing. Makes my blood boil the way things are going in this country. Good story that stirs the emotions. We need more writers like you.
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Actually, this made me so mad that I couldn't enjoy the writing. Makes my blood boil the way things are going in this country. Good story that stirs the emotions. We need more writers like you.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
I felt his coarse laces slap my swollen cheek.[Good specificity here in your image, only to be improved by removing the "I felt". This is the narrator's story. You don't need "I felt."]
But, I was flexible. [Good irony with this line.
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I felt his coarse laces slap my swollen cheek.[Good specificity here in your image, only to be improved by removing the "I felt". This is the narrator's story. You don't need "I felt."]
But, I was flexible. [Good irony with this line.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
Comment from Pyrrho
Ola, Lancelot. I see that you won the prize. Well done you. You take a slap at political correctness which I feel cannot be slapped hard enough. So I commend you for that as well.
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Ola, Lancelot. I see that you won the prize. Well done you. You take a slap at political correctness which I feel cannot be slapped hard enough. So I commend you for that as well.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
Comment from Cajungirl
Such a well-written believable story. This was indeed a fantastic response to the writing prompt. A well-deserved win, Congratulations.
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Such a well-written believable story. This was indeed a fantastic response to the writing prompt. A well-deserved win, Congratulations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
Comment from Gracie619
Everything about this story is precise and, of course, I appreciate the message it conveys. Very good story in so few words. The meaning comes across quite well. You certainly have what it takes! :) Keep writing.
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Everything about this story is precise and, of course, I appreciate the message it conveys. Very good story in so few words. The meaning comes across quite well. You certainly have what it takes! :) Keep writing.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I hate seeing imagines of our flag being banned. My family uses the flag to help us remember all the family members who have lost their life's' in war. I make no apologies for this. I respect other peoples flags. They can respect mine. Great work.. Good luck in the contest. It is not just a flag.
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I love the picture. I hate seeing imagines of our flag being banned. My family uses the flag to help us remember all the family members who have lost their life's' in war. I make no apologies for this. I respect other peoples flags. They can respect mine. Great work.. Good luck in the contest. It is not just a flag.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
Comment from Ric Myworld
News stories of the Latin Kings seem to be broadcast all over the country. Selling drugs and peddling hookers in broad daylight in grocery store parking lots, while the police avoid confrontation. Recently, two fathers were shot execution style in front of their distraught children and wives in their apartment complex parking lot, next door to the offices where I was earlier in the day. Great job on the story, it just hit a nerve as there have been 14 shootings in my small town over the last three weeks and five of the dead are young women. It's time to clean up all the gang activity and their indoctrination of innocent youth taught to see them as heroes, and to make our streets safe again. Sorry for the rant. :-)
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News stories of the Latin Kings seem to be broadcast all over the country. Selling drugs and peddling hookers in broad daylight in grocery store parking lots, while the police avoid confrontation. Recently, two fathers were shot execution style in front of their distraught children and wives in their apartment complex parking lot, next door to the offices where I was earlier in the day. Great job on the story, it just hit a nerve as there have been 14 shootings in my small town over the last three weeks and five of the dead are young women. It's time to clean up all the gang activity and their indoctrination of innocent youth taught to see them as heroes, and to make our streets safe again. Sorry for the rant. :-)
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
