Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

Hey, I can't wait to read the rest. One SPAG:Yeah," Holly aggreed (agreed). I suspect the lesson will be about being a team, not an individual.

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks Shari. I saw the spag and still forgot to correct it! 8-)

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

What a good job.....I can't wait for the sequel........
This is so typical of teenage kids.....self inflated sense.....
Well done....be humble lest you stumble.....
God bless

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks. I am trying to develop my story telling skills. 8-)

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Uh oh, I'm with Becca's Mom - Cynthia is in for a tumble. The coach is undoubtedly picking on her because she NEEDS it - she is part of a team, and she's not giving it her best so the others wind up being punished because of her.

Not a word out of place that I could see; flawless and kept my interest from tart to finish!

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks, Dawn. I am trying to improve my story telling skills so any input will be appreciated. 8-)

reply by Dawn Munro on 11-Jul-2014

LOL - ummm, make that from (s)tart to finish, would you? (My keyboard is sticking AGAIN.

Nope, as I said in the review, I saw nothing to change. It's great!

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Boxergirl;
I enjoyed reading this story of Cynthia and the rest of the girls running in the basketball court at during scrimmage and practice. However I think Cynthia needs a little bit of an attitude adjustment.
Your imagination was really inventive and creative and quite ingenious too. Your imagery was very inventively expressive and brilliantly descriptive throughout your story.
Thanks for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much. Still have a lot to learn about the art of story telling. 8-)

reply by krys123 on 11-Jul-2014

You are so sincerely welcome and I thought you did a fine job.

Comment from NurseBarb

Excellent

Great short story that kept my interest through the entire read. Very good descriptions of Cynthia and her lack of seriousness during practice and the fact that she is full of herself. She definitely needs a reality check.

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much. 8-)

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

You have a good story here. The only problem I can see is that the characters are too old for the intended audience. They should be roughly the same age as the reader. I'd put them in about seventh grade.

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks Cindy. I appreciate your input. I will take a look at your suggestions! 8-)

Comment from DionysusDeVille

Excellent

Yes ms. thing definitely needs all kinds of attitude adjustments. Very realistic because there are a lot of star players who act like this

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 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

It sounds like Cynthia just doesn't get. I've known many people like that. This is a great short story. It is well written with great dialog. A good beginning, plot and ending.
Teresa

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 Comment Written 10-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014

Thanks, Teresa. This is just Part I of two or three parts, no sure yet. 8-)