A Time To Die
An Act of kindness by an enemy contest entry26 total reviews
Comment from janalma
Well written. Tho, I could hardly read it. Your description of the evil David and of his maniacal actions are too graphic for words. Good characterization of the cop too.
One nit...
Bloody, twisted and dismembered teen bodies drifted pass(past) his eyes
Can't say I enjoyed it, but it is well done.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Well written. Tho, I could hardly read it. Your description of the evil David and of his maniacal actions are too graphic for words. Good characterization of the cop too.
One nit...
Bloody, twisted and dismembered teen bodies drifted pass(past) his eyes
Can't say I enjoyed it, but it is well done.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the story. The mercy or act of kindness seems to be for the monster. It is not. The act of kindness for his next victims. You shoot mad dogs. Great work.
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I love the picture. I love the story. The mercy or act of kindness seems to be for the monster. It is not. The act of kindness for his next victims. You shoot mad dogs. Great work.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from mjac777
their youth remained (spelling)
Minor flaws that editing will take care of.
Really good story with an amazing twist at the end.
I read a lot of crimes novels and this was really compelling.
Well done.
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their youth remained (spelling)
Minor flaws that editing will take care of.
Really good story with an amazing twist at the end.
I read a lot of crimes novels and this was really compelling.
Well done.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from TheWriteTeach
This was well written. Everything you wrote moved the story forward, making for a smooth flow. This seemed to get off to a slow start, and didn't catch my interest until Marcus broke down the door. Once you got my interest, I was hooked and couldn't read fast enough to learn what happened next. This could easily be expanded into a short story or even a book. Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
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This was well written. Everything you wrote moved the story forward, making for a smooth flow. This seemed to get off to a slow start, and didn't catch my interest until Marcus broke down the door. Once you got my interest, I was hooked and couldn't read fast enough to learn what happened next. This could easily be expanded into a short story or even a book. Nicely done. Good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much. Yes, the start concerns me too. I tried to make it as short as possible. It was needed to set the scene and atmosphere.
Comment from sibhus
Great details that give a very vivid picture of such a seemy act. A really twist act of mercy on the dectives part that fills the requirements for the prompt that makes for an excellent entry. good job and good luck with the contest.
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Great details that give a very vivid picture of such a seemy act. A really twist act of mercy on the dectives part that fills the requirements for the prompt that makes for an excellent entry. good job and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this story, I found it a little slow at first, but it gathered momentum, becoming a very interesting story, it was intense, and you managed to maintain the tension to the finish, the characters were clearly defined and believable, I enjoyed it till the slightly surprising end, well done, well written, good luck, blessings, Roy.
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I enjoyed this story, I found it a little slow at first, but it gathered momentum, becoming a very interesting story, it was intense, and you managed to maintain the tension to the finish, the characters were clearly defined and believable, I enjoyed it till the slightly surprising end, well done, well written, good luck, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage effectively in your opening - love the windshield wipers
you'll live, you demented bastard - add comma for direct address
Excellent detail that conveys the emotions well of both the detective and the sick killer
a most dramatic confrontation between them, which works back story in well
This one really leaves the reader feeling sick at such sick violence and at the corruption of the rich and powerful
Brooke
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You set the stage effectively in your opening - love the windshield wipers
you'll live, you demented bastard - add comma for direct address
Excellent detail that conveys the emotions well of both the detective and the sick killer
a most dramatic confrontation between them, which works back story in well
This one really leaves the reader feeling sick at such sick violence and at the corruption of the rich and powerful
Brooke
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from mfowler
You've done a masterly job here, building a picture of a troubled monster and the inner conflict felt by the cop over the killer's actions and jibes. Morality is flipping in the air like a slow motion coin, but you put us out of our misery on learning of the fat killer's death. You leave that wonderful after-taste, directed by the prompt. Is Simmons really, truly doing the man a favour, or is he appeasing his anger and bitterness at the job which pits him against such human trash? I suspect that thi story has been waiting to be written. The prompt gave you the moment. Great stuff; very entertaining.
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You've done a masterly job here, building a picture of a troubled monster and the inner conflict felt by the cop over the killer's actions and jibes. Morality is flipping in the air like a slow motion coin, but you put us out of our misery on learning of the fat killer's death. You leave that wonderful after-taste, directed by the prompt. Is Simmons really, truly doing the man a favour, or is he appeasing his anger and bitterness at the job which pits him against such human trash? I suspect that thi story has been waiting to be written. The prompt gave you the moment. Great stuff; very entertaining.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from Erik McGinley
Nice story. It's all in the ending which wasn't quite the cliché I was expecting.
It's maybe a matter of preference but your really don't need the "AH" x2 that you put in there. It really does not read like a scream and your description of the scream fills it in better than the "AH" does.
When I was a kid I wrote something the same way and my teacher said, "You shouldn't do that. It makes your story read like a comic."
Well I didn't agree with that then, because the real reason is the one I just gave you ;)
Nice story. Good luck in the competition.
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Nice story. It's all in the ending which wasn't quite the cliché I was expecting.
It's maybe a matter of preference but your really don't need the "AH" x2 that you put in there. It really does not read like a scream and your description of the scream fills it in better than the "AH" does.
When I was a kid I wrote something the same way and my teacher said, "You shouldn't do that. It makes your story read like a comic."
Well I didn't agree with that then, because the real reason is the one I just gave you ;)
Nice story. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from djsaxon
Shocking, fast paced, and extremely well penned. The characters are clearly drawn as is the physical environment. Dialogue is strong and "awful". The resolution held no surprise but was inevitable. A very original spin on the contest premise. Cheers - DJ
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Shocking, fast paced, and extremely well penned. The characters are clearly drawn as is the physical environment. Dialogue is strong and "awful". The resolution held no surprise but was inevitable. A very original spin on the contest premise. Cheers - DJ
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014