haiku (Bridge of the Gods)
haiku - 17 syllables or under22 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
I've never heard of this bridge, Val, as I'm sure most haven't Unfortunately, that cuts down the audience who would 'see' it as vivid imagery.
I think it's a shame you couldn't, due to syllable restrictions, add, 'below' to last line as I think that would make the image clearer. On the other hand, that would destroy the 'short/long/short' format required.
Anyway, a most enjoyable write, and I wish you luck in the contest.
Cheers, Ray
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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I've never heard of this bridge, Val, as I'm sure most haven't Unfortunately, that cuts down the audience who would 'see' it as vivid imagery.
I think it's a shame you couldn't, due to syllable restrictions, add, 'below' to last line as I think that would make the image clearer. On the other hand, that would destroy the 'short/long/short' format required.
Anyway, a most enjoyable write, and I wish you luck in the contest.
Cheers, Ray
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Ray. I changed the word "mighty" to river, as I received a few reviews that had never heard of the Columbia. I'm hoping that will make it clearer. Thank you for the suggestions and generous review, as this one just popped into my head and I had to write it "as is" I don't usually go "on and on" in author's notes, but as I said the "spirit" moved me.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Tell me, is there a vision of the salmon jumping in the picture, or is it just the cloud shape? I can't quite tell from the picture. Have not seen the Columbia River, and wouldn't have known about the history or significance, so it was interesting to learn. It looks like a beautiful river, and your haiku about it is strong. My best wishes with your entry, Giddy
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Tell me, is there a vision of the salmon jumping in the picture, or is it just the cloud shape? I can't quite tell from the picture. Have not seen the Columbia River, and wouldn't have known about the history or significance, so it was interesting to learn. It looks like a beautiful river, and your haiku about it is strong. My best wishes with your entry, Giddy
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Giddy. I'm not sure about the "salmon jumping" I'll have to take another look. I lived in the Northwest and the Columbia is such a part of culture and legend there, that I had to write this. I thank you for this very thoughtful and insightful review.
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
syllable count with the contest format
your chosen words portray your write well
good alliteration in
salmon, spawn
flows well
cheers..Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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good luck in the contest
syllable count with the contest format
your chosen words portray your write well
good alliteration in
salmon, spawn
flows well
cheers..Smoothiecool
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you, I'll need all the luck that I can get with this one.
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you & me both LOL
welcome to review ..SC >> Faye
Comment from MisinformedPoet
An elegant haiku that resonates well even without the added cultural/geographic 'heads-up' from the author. My only comment is, perhaps you could have have used a less-expected word than 'mighty'?
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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An elegant haiku that resonates well even without the added cultural/geographic 'heads-up' from the author. My only comment is, perhaps you could have have used a less-expected word than 'mighty'?
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you, I changed "mighty" to "river," as many did not know about the Columbia and I thought it would make a clearer image. Which really surprises me, and I'm glad you didn't need the author's notes. I rarely write them, but felt a need this time.
Comment from rjuselius
this is a nice one! all be it that i didn't understand it before i read the author's notes but as i read them the more powerful the message was!
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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this is a nice one! all be it that i didn't understand it before i read the author's notes but as i read them the more powerful the message was!
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Rebekka.
Comment from Eternal Muse
A beautiful haiku, Val, unique and amazing. I admit, I would be lost without your author notes, as I had no notion, of course, what Chinook was. What a powerful and romantic name - "Bridge of the Gods".
I only have one question. Is "the" [mighty Columbia] absolutely necessary? Just a question.
Thank you for entering, good luck in the booths, love, Y.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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A beautiful haiku, Val, unique and amazing. I admit, I would be lost without your author notes, as I had no notion, of course, what Chinook was. What a powerful and romantic name - "Bridge of the Gods".
I only have one question. Is "the" [mighty Columbia] absolutely necessary? Just a question.
Thank you for entering, good luck in the booths, love, Y.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you, yeltel. I changed "mighty" to "river" as I felt it made the image clearer. I lived in the Northwestern U.S. for over twenty years, and the Columbia is the core of legend and culture there. Thank you, also, for sponsoring another wonderful contest.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I wasn't familiar with that lovely bridge, Val, although I did know a little about salmon and your reasons for inclusion in your well written haiku. Bridge of the Gods. What a captivated name!
Well done, my talented friend. Best of luck to you!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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I wasn't familiar with that lovely bridge, Val, although I did know a little about salmon and your reasons for inclusion in your well written haiku. Bridge of the Gods. What a captivated name!
Well done, my talented friend. Best of luck to you!
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you Dean. I love the word "talented" it made my day, though I had to look over my shoulder. LOL
Comment from dennis0530
The author writes about a man-made structure that connects two separate land masses.
Having named it Bridge of the Gods is bestowing on the bridge a supernatural quality which enable people and vehicles to move across the mighty river.
This poem presents images of the man-made and the natural. While the bridge spans the river to avoid its turbulence, salmon thrives in it to rear its young.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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The author writes about a man-made structure that connects two separate land masses.
Having named it Bridge of the Gods is bestowing on the bridge a supernatural quality which enable people and vehicles to move across the mighty river.
This poem presents images of the man-made and the natural. While the bridge spans the river to avoid its turbulence, salmon thrives in it to rear its young.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Well, you are one of the "few" that really "got" this haiku. What a well written and insightful review. I'm honored you gave it so much time.
Comment from krys123
Val, I enjoyed this really free flowing haiku where your picture that you have chosen definitely compliments your poem so much. Your first two lines are interconnected and within your first two lines I can see a definite imagery that is very descriptive and expressive. Your third line or Satori Is written down collectively to fulfill the necessary requirements for this haiku. Thank you for sharing am posting this for everyone and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Val, I enjoyed this really free flowing haiku where your picture that you have chosen definitely compliments your poem so much. Your first two lines are interconnected and within your first two lines I can see a definite imagery that is very descriptive and expressive. Your third line or Satori Is written down collectively to fulfill the necessary requirements for this haiku. Thank you for sharing am posting this for everyone and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Alex, another wonderful review. I'm honored.
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You are so sincerely welcomed Val
Comment from DanielEkine
The scenery of this artwork takes my breath away. How inviting and soothing. This is a gratifying haiku. Very imposing in a wanting way. The rhyme of this poem is non-accidental.
The bridge, it really is.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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The scenery of this artwork takes my breath away. How inviting and soothing. This is a gratifying haiku. Very imposing in a wanting way. The rhyme of this poem is non-accidental.
The bridge, it really is.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you for this wonderful review. I try to keep haiku to a real place.