Bedtime stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Bella, the cow"Many bedtime stories for children.
17 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
Lovely story. Good visual imagery. Good target audience, children.... but I read it too. Well thought out. Creative. Expressive. Good dialogue. Nice work.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Lovely story. Good visual imagery. Good target audience, children.... but I read it too. Well thought out. Creative. Expressive. Good dialogue. Nice work.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your kind and nice review. Have a lovely week , Ine. Thanks very much for the lovely six, the first one ever for a story.
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You worked for it. Enjoy.
Goodnite :)
Comment from misscookie
I enjoyed reading your write.
I found it to be a pleasant read.
It captured my attention from the start and how the dog had so much fun on a farm.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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I enjoyed reading your write.
I found it to be a pleasant read.
It captured my attention from the start and how the dog had so much fun on a farm.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your kind and nice review. Have a lovely week , Ine
Comment from judiverse
This is a cute children's story that would have lots of appeal. The language is appropriate for children, and Roxy is adorable. She certainly is feeling like the queen of the farm, and you do a great job of having the dog chasing chickens and the cat. You have a great point with the cow standing her ground, and her loud Moo teaches Roxy a lesson. We consistent with your tenses. Most of the time you keep to present tense, but once in a while you lapse into past tense. Also, use spacing to indicate your paragraphs. judi
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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This is a cute children's story that would have lots of appeal. The language is appropriate for children, and Roxy is adorable. She certainly is feeling like the queen of the farm, and you do a great job of having the dog chasing chickens and the cat. You have a great point with the cow standing her ground, and her loud Moo teaches Roxy a lesson. We consistent with your tenses. Most of the time you keep to present tense, but once in a while you lapse into past tense. Also, use spacing to indicate your paragraphs. judi
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your kind and nice review. Have a lovely week , Ine
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You're so welcome, Ine, and hope you're feeling better. judi
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You're welcome. judi
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Very cute, Ine! Roxy's a bad dog. LOL!
Looks like you're having fun with this. Well done.
Av
They go to the chicken coop and scatter() the corn on the ground.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Very cute, Ine! Roxy's a bad dog. LOL!
Looks like you're having fun with this. Well done.
Av
They go to the chicken coop and scatter() the corn on the ground.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your kind and nice review. Have a lovely week , Ine
Comment from Ryanrunsxc16
I did like that there was a constant character throughout the piece and that it was relatively easy to read, however that's kind of where I stopped finding it interesting. There were grammatical errors littered throughout the piece as well as the story not really having any moral or plot. It kind of just seemed like Roxy was going around running after things and then we discovered a cow was too big for her. Some tips to improve the story would first and foremost be to clean up the grammatical issues, but secondly to think about how you want to drive the plot to get a bigger return at the punchline. Best of luck!
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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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I did like that there was a constant character throughout the piece and that it was relatively easy to read, however that's kind of where I stopped finding it interesting. There were grammatical errors littered throughout the piece as well as the story not really having any moral or plot. It kind of just seemed like Roxy was going around running after things and then we discovered a cow was too big for her. Some tips to improve the story would first and foremost be to clean up the grammatical issues, but secondly to think about how you want to drive the plot to get a bigger return at the punchline. Best of luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks
Comment from hvysmker
Some animals think they own the place and do what THEY want.
Reminds me of Jeff Mouse. He lived at my place for 2 1/2 years. At first, he was afraid of me because I tried to catch him. I did get hold of him once and threw him out, deep in a cornfield.
He was back that night. I know it was the same mouse, no doubt.
I had an old cat I inherited from my father. the cat, for some reason, never came into my bedroom, so for the first few months, Jeff stayed in that room. He often made messes I had to clean up.
After he caused about $39 in damages in my pantry, I stopped trying to catch him and began feeding him instead. After that, he didn't damage anything. Jeff also became used to me, no longer afraid.
When he found the old cat had no interest in catching him, Jeff took over the house as his own, even walking around the living room in front of my and the cat. He knew he was safe from us.
He got along with my pet ratties, kept in a large cage. He'd even rub noses with them. He did get angry when I let the ratties out to play on the couch.
A couple of times I saw Jeff standing near the couch on his hind legs, posturing and seeming to growl at their invasion of HIS home. I'll call out, "Jeff" and he'd jump down.
Charlie
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Some animals think they own the place and do what THEY want.
Reminds me of Jeff Mouse. He lived at my place for 2 1/2 years. At first, he was afraid of me because I tried to catch him. I did get hold of him once and threw him out, deep in a cornfield.
He was back that night. I know it was the same mouse, no doubt.
I had an old cat I inherited from my father. the cat, for some reason, never came into my bedroom, so for the first few months, Jeff stayed in that room. He often made messes I had to clean up.
After he caused about $39 in damages in my pantry, I stopped trying to catch him and began feeding him instead. After that, he didn't damage anything. Jeff also became used to me, no longer afraid.
When he found the old cat had no interest in catching him, Jeff took over the house as his own, even walking around the living room in front of my and the cat. He knew he was safe from us.
He got along with my pet ratties, kept in a large cage. He'd even rub noses with them. He did get angry when I let the ratties out to play on the couch.
A couple of times I saw Jeff standing near the couch on his hind legs, posturing and seeming to growl at their invasion of HIS home. I'll call out, "Jeff" and he'd jump down.
Charlie
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your kind and nice review. Have a great and blessed Sunday, Ine
Comment from MizKat
Hi Ine,
This is a cute little story. You're really great at writing them too. You sure are a talented lady and I always enjoy reading your work.
Kat
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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Hi Ine,
This is a cute little story. You're really great at writing them too. You sure are a talented lady and I always enjoy reading your work.
Kat
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your kind and nice review. Have a great and blessed Sunday, Ine
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Thanks Ine.