Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "A wonderful world"Words to pass on to my children
30 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
You convey lovely images of Autumn at its most beautiful and interesting, Mary.
All very nice, but my fave stanza is the second.
Cheers, Ted
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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You convey lovely images of Autumn at its most beautiful and interesting, Mary.
All very nice, but my fave stanza is the second.
Cheers, Ted
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review, and comments, I am pleased you enjoyed it. Mary
Comment from amada
This is truly beautiful. I like the way it reads and the soft and melodious rhymes, for sure an ode to our friend Nature. Wonderful artful. A joy to read.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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This is truly beautiful. I like the way it reads and the soft and melodious rhymes, for sure an ode to our friend Nature. Wonderful artful. A joy to read.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you so much amada, I appreciate your review and comments. Mary
Comment from Jean Lutz
Both artwork and words work in harmony with nature at the finest. Late spring here and I am enjoying an early evening rain shower. Best to you with the entry.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Both artwork and words work in harmony with nature at the finest. Late spring here and I am enjoying an early evening rain shower. Best to you with the entry.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thanks Jean for the excellent review. Mary
Comment from poetbear
It has great pathos and feeling.
Reads and flows effortlessly.
Should be in a greeting card or a poster.
That is how touching it is.
Excellent write.
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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It has great pathos and feeling.
Reads and flows effortlessly.
Should be in a greeting card or a poster.
That is how touching it is.
Excellent write.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and your wonderful comments. Mary
Comment from acerisestory
This is a beautiful quatrain about nature and the change of seasons. Your rhyme scheme is quite nice, and the poem is very descriptive. Good luck with the contest. Alana
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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This is a beautiful quatrain about nature and the change of seasons. Your rhyme scheme is quite nice, and the poem is very descriptive. Good luck with the contest. Alana
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Thanks Alana for the wonderful review, Mary
Comment from BLACKDYKE
I don't know where you are situated
Jackarrie, but where I am the spring is just over the yardarm and summer
is upon us. Don't wish the year passed
too soon. This is a wonderful poem
full of nature and her ways. Colours
good, and picture good. Eric
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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I don't know where you are situated
Jackarrie, but where I am the spring is just over the yardarm and summer
is upon us. Don't wish the year passed
too soon. This is a wonderful poem
full of nature and her ways. Colours
good, and picture good. Eric
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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I am in Ireland, at present, where we get the four seasons in one day, Thank you for your kind review. Mary
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My pleasure
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Consider 8 beats/line. For ex:
A willow bends as nature poses
As late May awakens roses
Lush colour fades neath willow tree,
A welcome change for all to see.
Autumn breezes; leaf fall starting 8
The summer heat already departing 9
Fallen chestnuts lie on the grass 8
Trampled on by those who pass 7
The slanted filtered rays of light 8
Show chirping birds, a wondrous sight 8
Intrigued by it all, engaged in rapture 10
This wonderful design of Mother Nature 11
Glorious sunsets giving joy and thrills 10
As evening glow settles on distant hills 10
Night closes in, and the stars tell their story 11
Of gratitude, being part of this cosmic glory. 13
Revise and I will upgrade. Imagery is terrific but the inconsistent meter can be solved by de-cluttering the lines of garbage words...'and' 'the' etc.
Regards:
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Consider 8 beats/line. For ex:
A willow bends as nature poses
As late May awakens roses
Lush colour fades neath willow tree,
A welcome change for all to see.
Autumn breezes; leaf fall starting 8
The summer heat already departing 9
Fallen chestnuts lie on the grass 8
Trampled on by those who pass 7
The slanted filtered rays of light 8
Show chirping birds, a wondrous sight 8
Intrigued by it all, engaged in rapture 10
This wonderful design of Mother Nature 11
Glorious sunsets giving joy and thrills 10
As evening glow settles on distant hills 10
Night closes in, and the stars tell their story 11
Of gratitude, being part of this cosmic glory. 13
Revise and I will upgrade. Imagery is terrific but the inconsistent meter can be solved by de-cluttering the lines of garbage words...'and' 'the' etc.
Regards:
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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I appreciate your review Stephen, but I do not count the beats, so if I change it, I feel it will not express my feelings when I was writing it. Mary
Comment from Nosha17
Lovely lyrical lines to inspire us with images of Nature in her glory. Your rhymes worked very well and it was a smooth and enjoyable read. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Lovely lyrical lines to inspire us with images of Nature in her glory. Your rhymes worked very well and it was a smooth and enjoyable read. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Thanks, Faye, for the excellent review, I really appreciate it. Mary
Comment from krys123
Mary, a masterfully and marvelously written piece of poetry. A remarkable piece Things that shows the comforting and beauty of summer and the seasons. Every verses imagery portrays and enlightens the readers mind. The rhyming is neither forced, labored or strained and the rhythm flows smoothly throughout your poem. I have chosen to give you my last six. And it is an honor a gracious honor that is bestowed on this poem. Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for others and made a good one be always with you.
Alex
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Mary, a masterfully and marvelously written piece of poetry. A remarkable piece Things that shows the comforting and beauty of summer and the seasons. Every verses imagery portrays and enlightens the readers mind. The rhyming is neither forced, labored or strained and the rhythm flows smoothly throughout your poem. I have chosen to give you my last six. And it is an honor a gracious honor that is bestowed on this poem. Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for others and made a good one be always with you.
Alex
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Wow Alex I am thrilled you enjoyed my poem so much. I love your review and comments. Mary
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You are most sincerely welcome Mary
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting and beautiful poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. Nature is indeed wonderful and terrible at the same time. We have to learn to live with the consequences no matter what nature brings.
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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This is yet another interesting and beautiful poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. Nature is indeed wonderful and terrible at the same time. We have to learn to live with the consequences no matter what nature brings.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Thank you Tommes for the excellent review.
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Not a problem