Where Lands The Albatross
Who are those that may be geniuses, yet damnedmed .32 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
The first half of this is very poorly spaced for paragraphs. It makes it unfriendly and difficult to read. Unfortunately, you'll need to correct it manually.
during the week painting in oils and watercolors, [This "begs" for a comma pause after "week".]
while he like a metaphorical lonely sardine, [as a clause, theis needs a comma after "he".
Yes, he was the man of Theron's writings: [misspell of Thoreau (good choice of quote though).]
a small open sports car [may I suggest deleting this entire line that has nothing to do with him and is, in fact, a distraction.]
Life changed in a flash, [Did you leave out an introductory paragraph before this? It's needed. What caused him to fall to the ground? What does it have to do with the Austin-Healey he was driving?]
Wow! That ending sneaked right up on me.
Again, there was a paragraph spacing error with the last line.
I deducted a star for the SPAG, including the spacing errors. If stars are important to you, you may notify me when you've made the corrections and I will give it back to you.
I REALLY did enjoy reading this. And, contrary to the way it may appear, I'm not one of the comma police.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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The first half of this is very poorly spaced for paragraphs. It makes it unfriendly and difficult to read. Unfortunately, you'll need to correct it manually.
during the week painting in oils and watercolors, [This "begs" for a comma pause after "week".]
while he like a metaphorical lonely sardine, [as a clause, theis needs a comma after "he".
Yes, he was the man of Theron's writings: [misspell of Thoreau (good choice of quote though).]
a small open sports car [may I suggest deleting this entire line that has nothing to do with him and is, in fact, a distraction.]
Life changed in a flash, [Did you leave out an introductory paragraph before this? It's needed. What caused him to fall to the ground? What does it have to do with the Austin-Healey he was driving?]
Wow! That ending sneaked right up on me.
Again, there was a paragraph spacing error with the last line.
I deducted a star for the SPAG, including the spacing errors. If stars are important to you, you may notify me when you've made the corrections and I will give it back to you.
I REALLY did enjoy reading this. And, contrary to the way it may appear, I'm not one of the comma police.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. I do not care about stars, they are generic. I want a constructive review. Thank you for your suggestions. I am going to edit my story; I will not return for hollow accolades.
Comment from sibhus
I very well written piece that not only entertains, but informs as well. In sense things have changed since than, lobotomies aren't stanard practice and patience aren't chained to walls and hosed down with fire hoses, but the stigma is still there. Now we simply turn them out onto the streets with a handful of pills, so improvement or not? A well written that I enjoyed reading very much. thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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I very well written piece that not only entertains, but informs as well. In sense things have changed since than, lobotomies aren't stanard practice and patience aren't chained to walls and hosed down with fire hoses, but the stigma is still there. Now we simply turn them out onto the streets with a handful of pills, so improvement or not? A well written that I enjoyed reading very much. thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thank you
Comment from chasennov
Who are those that may be geniuses, yet dammed . "WHERE LANDS THE ALBATROSS" This is one hell of a story you have told here. Why do people treat other people like that? I call that man's inhumanity to man. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Who are those that may be geniuses, yet dammed . "WHERE LANDS THE ALBATROSS" This is one hell of a story you have told here. Why do people treat other people like that? I call that man's inhumanity to man. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you
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Welcome.
Comment from CR Delport
That is the thing with geniuses. They are normally different and gets frowned on by the so called, "normal" people. This is interesting and well written.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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That is the thing with geniuses. They are normally different and gets frowned on by the so called, "normal" people. This is interesting and well written.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you
Comment from mikemagine
Excellent biography. "There's a fine line between..." I dunno. I don't that's always true. Everyone has their prov. demons, and their demons are what harm or destroy them. I'm really sorry that your Dad had to endure all that...So much wrong with this world! But like you say, we need to try and make differences such as educating the public about mental illness.
Peace,
Mike
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Excellent biography. "There's a fine line between..." I dunno. I don't that's always true. Everyone has their prov. demons, and their demons are what harm or destroy them. I'm really sorry that your Dad had to endure all that...So much wrong with this world! But like you say, we need to try and make differences such as educating the public about mental illness.
Peace,
Mike
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thank you
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Sure thing!
Comment from Drew Delaney
This was a sad story of your father and your relationship with him. It is always too late when the end comes. I kind of wonder, "Why are so many people today depressed and have mental health issues?"
Is there a cure for the mentally handicapped? It makes me wonder if life and its troubles are the source or if we just have had it too easy, because years ago, there were few with mental handicaps and they were usually visible.
You raise some great points here. It all is very thought provoking.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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This was a sad story of your father and your relationship with him. It is always too late when the end comes. I kind of wonder, "Why are so many people today depressed and have mental health issues?"
Is there a cure for the mentally handicapped? It makes me wonder if life and its troubles are the source or if we just have had it too easy, because years ago, there were few with mental handicaps and they were usually visible.
You raise some great points here. It all is very thought provoking.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Sonaleeka
Enjoyable reading and mind blowing writing .I am really glad getting chance to read your writing.I am not very much in to reviewing,but i love reading new stuff.
God bless!
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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Enjoyable reading and mind blowing writing .I am really glad getting chance to read your writing.I am not very much in to reviewing,but i love reading new stuff.
God bless!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Erik McGinley
This is a really nice story. I have been through half of what you have described and its a living hell.
But it does say something very important about him. Whatever he was, you loved him and I guess that means he was not a bad father.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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This is a really nice story. I have been through half of what you have described and its a living hell.
But it does say something very important about him. Whatever he was, you loved him and I guess that means he was not a bad father.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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Thank you.
Comment from adewpearl
music and flying, made everyone - drop the comma
vivid descriptive detail and insightful character development
This is so insightful and so moving and so thought provoking.
A fascinating essay with a powerful message to deliver.
Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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music and flying, made everyone - drop the comma
vivid descriptive detail and insightful character development
This is so insightful and so moving and so thought provoking.
A fascinating essay with a powerful message to deliver.
Brooke
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thank you. I use too many commas.
Comment from DionysusDeVille
I can't even begin to understand the pain of losing your parent at such a young age. I have grandparents that I wish I knew a little better, but I've heard so many tales
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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I can't even begin to understand the pain of losing your parent at such a young age. I have grandparents that I wish I knew a little better, but I've heard so many tales
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thank you