The Hangin' Tree
Beware of what you eat. It may come back to bite you...34 total reviews
Comment from JavaJunkie
Excellent storyline and I love the dialogue. I felt very old fashioned and western as I read it. I was sure I was bowlegged from riding a horse all day, and I'm quite certain that guy was chewing tobaccy!
I think this should be a strong contender in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Excellent storyline and I love the dialogue. I felt very old fashioned and western as I read it. I was sure I was bowlegged from riding a horse all day, and I'm quite certain that guy was chewing tobaccy!
I think this should be a strong contender in the contest.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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I love swimmin' with bowlegged women! Sorry, JJ, I just couldn't resist that. I apologize...
Anywho, I really appreciate you taking a gander at this 'un fer me. And, I shore 'preciate yer fine comment, too! I'm much obliged to ya!
Comment from Leineco
Interesting write - you wrangled the dialects well. Shirt, simple and to the point :-)
(Personally, and this is just "taste" - not complaint, I could have done with just one picture.
Good uck in the voting :-)
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Interesting write - you wrangled the dialects well. Shirt, simple and to the point :-)
(Personally, and this is just "taste" - not complaint, I could have done with just one picture.
Good uck in the voting :-)
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Thanks, Leieco, I truly appreciate your opinions, and I always take everyone's into serious consideration.
A few more pics don't really spoil the meat, do they? They are just the gravy, and are easily overlooked. The real meat and bones, that is the writing itself, and that comes first and foremost before anything. Many like the added pictures, saying that it breaks up the monotony a bit. I attempted to give this a graphic novel feel, if you will. Graphic novels are making a killing these days, have you seen the return numbers on these things? Fascinating!
Thanks so much again for weighing in on this with your opinions, Leineco. Much obliged, my friend!
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Understood :-)
Like I said, it was just a matter of taste :-) Being old school (i.e. old LOL) I just "prefer" my reading un-illustrated. Which, as you said, has nothing to do with the meat and bones of the writing :-)
Comment from c_lucas
Very Creative with one minor problem as mentioned below.
*****
"The lawmen tossed the rope over a Joshua tree..." (Joshua Tree -- Yucca Brevifolia- is a yucca plant and cannot support a hanging culprit) Suggest you use an old Oak tree.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Very Creative with one minor problem as mentioned below.
*****
"The lawmen tossed the rope over a Joshua tree..." (Joshua Tree -- Yucca Brevifolia- is a yucca plant and cannot support a hanging culprit) Suggest you use an old Oak tree.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Whoops! Really, Charlie? I'll change it right away, but are there oak trees in the desert? The Joshua Trees I saw while touring the Joshua tree national Park in southeastern California looked study enough to hang a man from to me. Here's a picture from the park, taken in 2007. It was taken to show the massive size in relation to a full grown man. You can't hang a man from that?
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This tree is about 5,000 years old and there are a couple low/high crotches (V's) you could get a rope. The hangee would be hugging the trunk which is far from being smooth. The Desert Oak is an arid plant.
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http://www.ehow.com/list_7410625_oak-trees-desert.html
You may have to cut and paste in the address bar.
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Got you, Charlie, and thanks!
Comment from Michaelk
Great story. Your characters were well developed and your atmosphere was good for 500 words. You did a good job of packing as much story as possible into those few words. I was completely drawn in. This reads like it's a much larger story and I would love to read more. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Great story. Your characters were well developed and your atmosphere was good for 500 words. You did a good job of packing as much story as possible into those few words. I was completely drawn in. This reads like it's a much larger story and I would love to read more. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Thanks, Michalek, and I have been considering making it into a longer series of stories. Would you be interested in reading it if I did?
I appreciate the excellent feedback, it's so important getting that from your readers in stories like this -- short, flash fiction stories, I mean. It's a vital tool in the process.
Thanks again, my friend, and as Jubal would say... "Much obliged, pardner!"
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Yes, I would most definitely like to see more. I could see you doing 500-1000 word installments. (Like I do with my novel) I think you would get several readers interested.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi....
Six Star - definitely!
I love your writing style, and the freshness to it. Proper spacing between dialogue of the different characters speaking is wonderful! Very easy read - easy to understand what is going on with your imagery as well.
Th illustrations throughout your short story enhances it as well. Very in keeping with the supernatural flash fiction.
I hope you do well in the contest - this definitely deserves it!
Cheers
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Hi....
Six Star - definitely!
I love your writing style, and the freshness to it. Proper spacing between dialogue of the different characters speaking is wonderful! Very easy read - easy to understand what is going on with your imagery as well.
Th illustrations throughout your short story enhances it as well. Very in keeping with the supernatural flash fiction.
I hope you do well in the contest - this definitely deserves it!
Cheers
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Thanks very much, Jax. I'm really glad you liked it. It was my first attempt at anything even remotely western, but I felt the setting would make for an far more interesting story than if it were set in the modern day era.
I truly appreciate your kind review, and your support, as well!
Comment from Macsween
Good work, Dean. You have penned (typed)another great story here. Satan stalks the Wild West, great stuff.
Written to your usual excellent standard and very enjoyable to read.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Good work, Dean. You have penned (typed)another great story here. Satan stalks the Wild West, great stuff.
Written to your usual excellent standard and very enjoyable to read.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Thanks, Macsween, but how id you know it was my story? I thought it was a blind entry contest. Is my name showing up somewhere on the story? If so, I'm in B-i-i-i-i-g-g trouble, LOL!
I do appreciate your encouraging review. We'll see, when all the votes are tallied up...
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Your name didn't show. I've read almost everything you've written and I am getting to know your style (the scary pictures you use were also a trigger point.)
Great story. Keep it up.
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Well that's a relief. I wonder why I'm the only one that does the pictures in the story thing? Graphic novels have made a killing lately, so why wouldn't more be breaking up the monotony a bit by adding a few pics? I've always wondered about that...
Comment from chasennov
"The Hangin' Tree" This is as good a supernatural fiction as I have read, and you did a great job making sense of it to me at all. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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"The Hangin' Tree" This is as good a supernatural fiction as I have read, and you did a great job making sense of it to me at all. Well done.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Thanks, chasennov. I'm really very pleased that you enjoyed the story, and I certainly appreciate your encouraging comments.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi the author,
Well if that was all it would need to rid us of Satan I suspect he'd have been hung and burned sometime in the Dark Ages ... Why do I have the feeling that 'Josh' has just been 'possessed' ...
One correction I think -
but for Juible, it - surely should be - but for Jubal, it ?
Patrick
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Hi the author,
Well if that was all it would need to rid us of Satan I suspect he'd have been hung and burned sometime in the Dark Ages ... Why do I have the feeling that 'Josh' has just been 'possessed' ...
One correction I think -
but for Juible, it - surely should be - but for Jubal, it ?
Patrick
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Thank you very much for your review, Patrick. I always appreciate your take on things.
The demonic entity that was Jebediah Na'tas was not Satan himself, just one of his minions. Satan has a multitude of demons to do his dirty work for him.
Joshua was not possessed, just to set your mind at ease. That cold breeze he felt was the ghost of the demon bounty hunter, Jubal Bircham as he passed through him, in his attempt to draw closer to the activities, to get a better view.
The spelling of the name "Jubile" has been changed to reflect the more common spelling.
Comment from GWinterwin
Loved your story and your pictures. Story was real enough, seemed you were right there in the saddle with ole Jebediah. This was a good one.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Loved your story and your pictures. Story was real enough, seemed you were right there in the saddle with ole Jebediah. This was a good one.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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That's great, GWinterwin. If you felt you were right there in the saddle, than that's about as good a compliment as I could hope to get. Thanks so much for your encouraging review!
Comment from N.K. Wagner
The common spelling of JUBAL is neither Jubile nor Juible. Be consistent, if not correct.
Catholics have not indulged in burning (for witchcraft or heresy) since the 17th century, about the time the Protestants were doing the same thing. Fantasy is no excuse for slander. Simply invent a new church.
The "old west" venue is fine, but Billy the kid only fetched $500. $10,000 is unrealistic.
The demon's jumping to a new host is cliche. Why not red demon eyes peeking out of the rising oily smoke? Let the reader think the demon could ride them or someone they know rather than immediately possessing a barely known character.
Don't perform for the reader - draw him in. :) nancy
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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The common spelling of JUBAL is neither Jubile nor Juible. Be consistent, if not correct.
Catholics have not indulged in burning (for witchcraft or heresy) since the 17th century, about the time the Protestants were doing the same thing. Fantasy is no excuse for slander. Simply invent a new church.
The "old west" venue is fine, but Billy the kid only fetched $500. $10,000 is unrealistic.
The demon's jumping to a new host is cliche. Why not red demon eyes peeking out of the rising oily smoke? Let the reader think the demon could ride them or someone they know rather than immediately possessing a barely known character.
Don't perform for the reader - draw him in. :) nancy
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Hah ha, well, you've obviously never seen the movie Priest have you, Nancy? I doubt it. I suppose that they were trying to slander that Catholic Church as well? And the wonderful book/film The Name of the Rose, The Order, The Da Vinci Code, John Carpenter's Vampires...the list goes on, and on. No, sorry, the Catholic Church stays. I'm not exclusive to seeing some evils in the Catholic Church -- or any organized, for that matter -- nor do I have the sole market on it. People demean Baptist, Nazarene, Church of God, Mormonism, Jehovah's Witnesses, all of the time. Why not the Catholics, they're no better than any other religion?
As far as the reward, this isn't really a Billy the Kid type character we're talking about, is it? In fact, he isn't even human, and someone knows it. Nor is it a simple branch of the Catholic Church, but a special order, an elite branch, if you will, that operates under the guise of the Catholic Church.
The Demon never jumps into anyone, where did you get that idea? The cold wind felt was the spirit of the bounty hunter, Jubal Bircham, as he passed through Josh's body to get a better look at the burning Jebediah. No demon jumping going on here, the thing is dead...toast.
As for the spelling of the name, that was addressed earlier by another reviewer, and has since been changed. Thanks for pointing that out, however, I do appreciate it.
It's hard to say everything you want to say, in just five-hundred words, but you must get in the main elements that carry the story. You're the first reviewer who'd thought the demon jumped into Joshua.
Thanks again for your indepth review and opinions. It's always appreciated.
