The Waters Off Rigel Part 2
Short Story15 total reviews
Comment from Hadria
Keep going, keep going, Mikey, I really want to get inyo that wormhole with these people. Right now our Newspapers are full of an Irish Astronaut who has signed up to go to Mars in the full knowledge that he will never come back.
Para. 3, first line, maybe put in 'so' - "So also was his good friend...."
"fitted" instead of 'fit' in para. 4
5th para. from the end, just a typo "whatever our mission".
i really like these guys!
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Keep going, keep going, Mikey, I really want to get inyo that wormhole with these people. Right now our Newspapers are full of an Irish Astronaut who has signed up to go to Mars in the full knowledge that he will never come back.
Para. 3, first line, maybe put in 'so' - "So also was his good friend...."
"fitted" instead of 'fit' in para. 4
5th para. from the end, just a typo "whatever our mission".
i really like these guys!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
Comment from 24chas
I really like the fact that you have such a diverse team put together so far. And also, it seems there are no hidden agendas that I can see. Another well written chapter.
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I really like the fact that you have such a diverse team put together so far. And also, it seems there are no hidden agendas that I can see. Another well written chapter.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
Comment from crzypnter
So now we know that the quest is explorers searching for the so called light at the end of the tunnel for I like the reference to Gilligan's Island for I too am guilty of that one and lusted over Mary Ann
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So now we know that the quest is explorers searching for the so called light at the end of the tunnel for I like the reference to Gilligan's Island for I too am guilty of that one and lusted over Mary Ann
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Mike, another very good read that is interesting and keeps your attention.
it was about questing for the light. --- questing? Don't you think this would sound better? : it was about the quest for light.
She was probably the most purely smart of the entire group. --- sounds awkward ... how about: Her intelligence came naturally, and she out-shined the entire group.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Mike, another very good read that is interesting and keeps your attention.
it was about questing for the light. --- questing? Don't you think this would sound better? : it was about the quest for light.
She was probably the most purely smart of the entire group. --- sounds awkward ... how about: Her intelligence came naturally, and she out-shined the entire group.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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OMG! Thank you. I am trying not to write in the passive voice. Hahaha. So, I am writing in the insane voice instead!! Those are perfect. I feel like I did trying to write Sonnets. Eventually my brain just started working. Cross your fingers. mikey
Comment from country ranch writer
Now you blame it on the dog wow what a wimpy one admit it you just wanted to see if everyone was paying attention and reading your stuff.
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Now you blame it on the dog wow what a wimpy one admit it you just wanted to see if everyone was paying attention and reading your stuff.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014