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Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Price of Freedom"A Flash Fiction Collection
40 total reviews
Comment from Winslow
Dear Writer,
I like this story and its message, but didn't like the ending. Losing two front teeth is serious and a major injury. If Jason would have wrestled the boy(s) or even hit one of them with his fists it would not have been so bad. Too much violence in response to bullying is not the proper course.
Regards,
A Fanstorian
I see you put it in the commentary/philosophy category. On that basis I would change the over reaction of Jason. Throwing a chair into the other's face is too extreme and is putting down bullying by using a tool which can and did result in a serious injury (even if it is fiction.)
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Dear Writer,
I like this story and its message, but didn't like the ending. Losing two front teeth is serious and a major injury. If Jason would have wrestled the boy(s) or even hit one of them with his fists it would not have been so bad. Too much violence in response to bullying is not the proper course.
Regards,
A Fanstorian
I see you put it in the commentary/philosophy category. On that basis I would change the over reaction of Jason. Throwing a chair into the other's face is too extreme and is putting down bullying by using a tool which can and did result in a serious injury (even if it is fiction.)
Comment Written 30-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you. You know Jason and the whole tale is fiction, right?
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I thought it was fiction, but fiction mirrors reality. I thought it well written but it still sends a wrong message to those reading it. I will change my rating to a five since I should not base my rating on whether I agreed with the actions of the character(s) or not but on the quality of the writing. You are an excellent writer and that is what I should rate this piece on.
Winslow
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You, know I have thought a lot about this piece from all the messages I have gotten. I think it was too controversial or I should have placed more warnings on it.
Comment from Bina1
I think I would be in the wrong if I agreed with how the ending came about. But an excellent story, thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest, a fine entry. I really enjoy the relationship between the boy and Grandpa!
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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I think I would be in the wrong if I agreed with how the ending came about. But an excellent story, thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest, a fine entry. I really enjoy the relationship between the boy and Grandpa!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you vey much
Comment from pbroussard209
Awesome, being a mother of three and ex military I loved the story. The way the schools are set up now its a breeding ground for bullies. The teachers are afraid of the students and the rules tie their hands. Last year a teacher at my daughters high school got fired because he lost it and threw a hammer through the window near a bully. And a couple of years ago a twelve year old boy in my neighborhood committed suiside because of being bullied. Its got to stop and the parents need to give schools back the power to do something, as well as stop being their child's friend and start being parents.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Awesome, being a mother of three and ex military I loved the story. The way the schools are set up now its a breeding ground for bullies. The teachers are afraid of the students and the rules tie their hands. Last year a teacher at my daughters high school got fired because he lost it and threw a hammer through the window near a bully. And a couple of years ago a twelve year old boy in my neighborhood committed suiside because of being bullied. Its got to stop and the parents need to give schools back the power to do something, as well as stop being their child's friend and start being parents.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you vey much. I really appreciate the great review and comments.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well you got my first sixer out of me for the week. Why, you ask? Well, for a lot of reasons...
The first being the military might that Jason's Grandpa Willie addressed his grandson as "Cadet". I felt that was very endearing, having been in the military myself. I'm sure he did it to instill a sense of confidence in his young charge.
The second, and primary reason this garnered such a high rating in my opinion, was the subject matter; bullying. It's a common problem faced by far too many students in our schools today. Kids just seem to grow more cruel as time goes by.
The writing and dialogue were crisp and believable. The moral of the story was true, and a good one.
An excellent read, very well done.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Well you got my first sixer out of me for the week. Why, you ask? Well, for a lot of reasons...
The first being the military might that Jason's Grandpa Willie addressed his grandson as "Cadet". I felt that was very endearing, having been in the military myself. I'm sure he did it to instill a sense of confidence in his young charge.
The second, and primary reason this garnered such a high rating in my opinion, was the subject matter; bullying. It's a common problem faced by far too many students in our schools today. Kids just seem to grow more cruel as time goes by.
The writing and dialogue were crisp and believable. The moral of the story was true, and a good one.
An excellent read, very well done.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you vey much. I'm honored to get your first six of the week.
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My pleasure...
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Wonderfully and interestingly written. Sometimes the worm has to turn, the fight is on. Defending a nations must be done by individuals willing to defend themselves. Good for Grampa Willie and 'Cadet Jason.' good luck, Carolyn
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Wonderfully and interestingly written. Sometimes the worm has to turn, the fight is on. Defending a nations must be done by individuals willing to defend themselves. Good for Grampa Willie and 'Cadet Jason.' good luck, Carolyn
Comment Written 29-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you vey much
Comment from Alexander Bridge
Excellent work, your are right the length seemed to be just right, "every word needed".
Now I am trying to learn to do these reviews, so a little constructive criticism:
It is obvious from the beginning that the old man does not particularly like his son-in-law and at first I thought that there was some domestic abuse involved. Then it was pacifist vs. military man.
The way you eventually interpret there relationship is that the young man comes out as a loser, the old man military maniac and the daughter/wife character is just a woman and they do not matter.
I am definitely over-interpreting this and exaggerating and I want you to know I liked the story and the ending and I agree with the old man, but I also understand the other point of view and I felt the woman was a little lacking.
By all means reply to this, I want to hear your thoughts if you have any.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Excellent work, your are right the length seemed to be just right, "every word needed".
Now I am trying to learn to do these reviews, so a little constructive criticism:
It is obvious from the beginning that the old man does not particularly like his son-in-law and at first I thought that there was some domestic abuse involved. Then it was pacifist vs. military man.
The way you eventually interpret there relationship is that the young man comes out as a loser, the old man military maniac and the daughter/wife character is just a woman and they do not matter.
I am definitely over-interpreting this and exaggerating and I want you to know I liked the story and the ending and I agree with the old man, but I also understand the other point of view and I felt the woman was a little lacking.
By all means reply to this, I want to hear your thoughts if you have any.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much. You're the first to get that the Dad was a Pacifist. Karen job was a buffer. between father and son and husband and her father. She also subtly moved the pieces into place. She distracted the dad and allowed her son to be advised by grandpa. She was a mix between the two men, sort of like a U.N.
Comment from Terror2s
I loved this. I have been both a victim as a child and a teacher when bullying has occurred. The only error I noticed was a comma before "because". I was taught "because" never has a comma preceding it. T2
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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I loved this. I have been both a victim as a child and a teacher when bullying has occurred. The only error I noticed was a comma before "because". I was taught "because" never has a comma preceding it. T2
Comment Written 29-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much, I will look into that.
Comment from marijmd
Well that is a tough lesson - I hate that the price of freedom is often paid with an act of violence - but it seems to be the nature of our species.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Well that is a tough lesson - I hate that the price of freedom is often paid with an act of violence - but it seems to be the nature of our species.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much. Natural in the animal kingdom too, and a few plant life.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
This is really a very good story. Unfortunately one gets pushed to the point where they have to take a stand in order to stop the tormentor. Great piece. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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This is really a very good story. Unfortunately one gets pushed to the point where they have to take a stand in order to stop the tormentor. Great piece. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much. I really appreciate the awesome six star review.
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I love this story. Well told and very believable. My nephew was bullied, so I sympathize with the story. The Grandfather gave good advice. The story was the perfect length. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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I love this story. Well told and very believable. My nephew was bullied, so I sympathize with the story. The Grandfather gave good advice. The story was the perfect length. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much