tanka (as breeze swirls)
tanka19 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
It's that beautiful time of year again. The leaves do fall gracefully and when they blow back up from the ground, it is like dancing.
Nice alliteration:
-performed with precision between passionate
Nice enjambment.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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It's that beautiful time of year again. The leaves do fall gracefully and when they blow back up from the ground, it is like dancing.
Nice alliteration:
-performed with precision between passionate
Nice enjambment.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much, Ellen. Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Debbie,
This is a well penned tanka - syllables under 31 well done.
Your imagery in this one I really liked.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
"as breeze swirls 3
golden leaves float gracefully 7
memories of dance moves 6
once performed with precision 7
between passionate lovers" 7 / total 30
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Dear Debbie,
This is a well penned tanka - syllables under 31 well done.
Your imagery in this one I really liked.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
"as breeze swirls 3
golden leaves float gracefully 7
memories of dance moves 6
once performed with precision 7
between passionate lovers" 7 / total 30
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much, Maureen. Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
as breeze swirls 's' alliteration LOVE 'swirls'
golden leaves float gracefully 'g' alliteration
memories of dance moves excellent allegorical aside
once performed with precision 'p' alliteration
between passionate lovers Love this line 'passionate'
Well done in 30 syllables.
Regards:
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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as breeze swirls 's' alliteration LOVE 'swirls'
golden leaves float gracefully 'g' alliteration
memories of dance moves excellent allegorical aside
once performed with precision 'p' alliteration
between passionate lovers Love this line 'passionate'
Well done in 30 syllables.
Regards:
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Stephen~Debbie
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Well deserved. Just posted poem #12 on Americana..."Pelham Hall'. Thanks.
With Respect: Steve C
Comment from RalphNater
Very interesting. I see this as a reflective yearning. Falling leaves reminding someone of what they used to be able to do. Great work and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Very interesting. I see this as a reflective yearning. Falling leaves reminding someone of what they used to be able to do. Great work and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much~Debbie
Comment from Cindy Warren
This makes me think that the romance has ended with the summer. It's kind of bittersweet. The picture and color scheme is perfect for it.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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This makes me think that the romance has ended with the summer. It's kind of bittersweet. The picture and color scheme is perfect for it.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much~Debbie
Comment from SteveY
Oh my gosh you are a romantic aren't you? Holy smoke this is just too good and you did it all in these few lines. You are an amazing talent!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Oh my gosh you are a romantic aren't you? Holy smoke this is just too good and you did it all in these few lines. You are an amazing talent!
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much, my friend. Glad you enjoyed it~Debbie
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
Interesting the thought pattern that makes up a tanka, defintely something neither one of us could do but you have managed to do a grand job of writing one. Very enjoyable and pianted a very clear picture in the readers mind. We are tag teaming for a few minutes before Miss Evelyn goes to therapy. God loves you and so do we.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Interesting the thought pattern that makes up a tanka, defintely something neither one of us could do but you have managed to do a grand job of writing one. Very enjoyable and pianted a very clear picture in the readers mind. We are tag teaming for a few minutes before Miss Evelyn goes to therapy. God loves you and so do we.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much~Debbie
Comment from Paul Sienicki
What an awesome poetry with the use of metaphors of nature and dancing to depict the movements of lovers. I really enjoyed this poem and the photo. Nothing to add or subtract. Well done.
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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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What an awesome poetry with the use of metaphors of nature and dancing to depict the movements of lovers. I really enjoyed this poem and the photo. Nothing to add or subtract. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much~Debbie
Comment from James Chaima Phiri
Old age brings wonderful memories. Dances, songs, stories all come to memory. Golden leaves, yes, golden hair or golden mind is clearly seen in wise words and deeds. I love this sweet poem.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Old age brings wonderful memories. Dances, songs, stories all come to memory. Golden leaves, yes, golden hair or golden mind is clearly seen in wise words and deeds. I love this sweet poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much~Debbie