The Price of Chemical Warfare
one/nine/one poem16 total reviews
Comment from rjuselius
"child
dies breathing evil air - anyone
care?"
something that has come so mundane, we have lost the way. your poem is a great social commentary and i hope one day we shall be equal: all different, all equal"
thank you for sharing such a delicate poem!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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"child
dies breathing evil air - anyone
care?"
something that has come so mundane, we have lost the way. your poem is a great social commentary and i hope one day we shall be equal: all different, all equal"
thank you for sharing such a delicate poem!
rebekka x
Comment Written 31-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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It is sad isn't it? Thank you for "getting" the essence of my poem.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very wwell written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this 1 9 1 poem about the deplorable situation in syria. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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this is very wwell written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this 1 9 1 poem about the deplorable situation in syria. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 31-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Thank you, and yes it is a deplorable situation with no easy answer.
Comment from Glasstruth
For 11 syllables you made the most of it. I just wonder if the word, "evil" would be the best choice? It tells me instead of showing. But then the title explains it. Thanks for sharing. Les
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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For 11 syllables you made the most of it. I just wonder if the word, "evil" would be the best choice? It tells me instead of showing. But then the title explains it. Thanks for sharing. Les
Comment Written 31-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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I believe "evil" is appropriate, and I only wish I had a stronger word. Yet, I really appreciate your input it is always important to me to get honest reviews. Also, thank you for the excellent review.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Very apt write for these terrible atrocities happening in Syria. Politics aside no-one wants to see this happening. An emotional 1 - 9 - 1 write.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Very apt write for these terrible atrocities happening in Syria. Politics aside no-one wants to see this happening. An emotional 1 - 9 - 1 write.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Thank you, and no wants to see war either but turning our heads away is not an answer. Thank you for the great review.
Comment from adewpearl
Your poem is in excellent 1/9/1 syllable count.
good air/care rhyme
one does have to wonder about who cares as so many people are arguing that it's none of our business, we should just look the other way and not do anything to upset the apple cart. Brooke
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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Your poem is in excellent 1/9/1 syllable count.
good air/care rhyme
one does have to wonder about who cares as so many people are arguing that it's none of our business, we should just look the other way and not do anything to upset the apple cart. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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The sad thing is we've become a society of isolation but if we think this atrocity won't be on our doorsteps soon we are naïve. Thank you for the great review.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
SUPERB!
First review (FOUR stars)
Excellent commentary on the current situation with a true to form entry for this contest. The stumble (reason for four) is in the phrasing of line two. Without punctuation it makes the reader have to 'think about' the pause which should come between AIR and ANYONE. Suggest using a dash:
child
dies breathing evil air(--)anyone...
care?
I like how it also rhymes.
Potent presentation to suit the tone and tenor of your highly relevant theme,
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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Second review
SUPERB!
First review (FOUR stars)
Excellent commentary on the current situation with a true to form entry for this contest. The stumble (reason for four) is in the phrasing of line two. Without punctuation it makes the reader have to 'think about' the pause which should come between AIR and ANYONE. Suggest using a dash:
child
dies breathing evil air(--)anyone...
care?
I like how it also rhymes.
Potent presentation to suit the tone and tenor of your highly relevant theme,
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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thank you for the suggestion I'll look at it
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Will be happy to revise the rating on a second review after changes, if made...so please let me know.
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I just changed it if you would like to look at it again. I THINK it works better now. Your call
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On my way...look for a second review in a few mins.
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Thank you for changing your review. I always appreciate your input. Hugs