The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "High School Beginning"Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
21 total reviews
Comment from mystic me
That is quite an interesting story line you have going there. I think it needs a little more editing though. Otherwise it is a good story.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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That is quite an interesting story line you have going there. I think it needs a little more editing though. Otherwise it is a good story.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Hi thanks what kind of editi9ng are you suggesting? Are you averse to too many commas as I know some editors are. As someone pointed out a long time ago we still need to do more editing and stuff more and more of course appreciate all the help. Thanks again for the review. There is more to this chapter coming about later pets and stuff.
Comment from allborn66
This is a very interesting chapter. School has changed. I could understand why you didn't like it. It's amazing what our memories can do.
Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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This is a very interesting chapter. School has changed. I could understand why you didn't like it. It's amazing what our memories can do.
Barbara
Comment Written 11-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Thanks again for coming through my book much appreciated. I can see a lot of folks went through much the same as I did especially where only one parent and so on. These days you are weird if you have both parents as the opposite is more then norm these days.
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What really frustrated me on this issue was back when I was going to college I decided to write a paper about growing up with a deceased parent. I could not find any research done on the subject, even though I grew up in the Vietnam era. Research on this topic did not really start until after the 9/11 attacks. It seemed very irresponsible to me.
Barbara
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Yeah well I was the same growing up with out a Dad not due to war or anything but my Mo0ther would have had to go to court against my Dad to get support and he threatened her if she did. I am always amazed at how God provided for us through those difficult, as I can see, now, years.
Comment from 22allgood
Another good chapter of your book. I don't know how you remember all the details but I guess sometimes things stay in your head if it is a vivid memory. I had a bit of trouble understanding the part about the high school you went to. The story was interesting though and showed that school years at times were tough.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Another good chapter of your book. I don't know how you remember all the details but I guess sometimes things stay in your head if it is a vivid memory. I had a bit of trouble understanding the part about the high school you went to. The story was interesting though and showed that school years at times were tough.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Thanks Government school now a teacher training place sigh! I have had a lot of it written down for years on the puter that has helped. Appreciate your review.
Comment from mfowler
I enjoyed your reminisces. It brought back great memories for me (Qld in the 50's). Avoiding the cane was a major concern for boys back then. I think that it would be helpful to add a few notes in the Author section about Australian ideas back then eg dreaded asbestos dilemma. There are a lot of readers who would appreciate clarification.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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I enjoyed your reminisces. It brought back great memories for me (Qld in the 50's). Avoiding the cane was a major concern for boys back then. I think that it would be helpful to add a few notes in the Author section about Australian ideas back then eg dreaded asbestos dilemma. There are a lot of readers who would appreciate clarification.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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Ok than ks for the look in and review comments will go into more detail trying to find the correct term for the Asbestosis Meso fileoma or something old dictionary here might do a search tomorrow. My Dad built our house in Ryde from Fibro because in the war time there were no bricks same for all the other houses he built see my earlier chapters if you like if not already read. Actuyally when my Dads left us in 1959 he moved to North Queensland was doing a lot of work for Carrier Air Conditioning in Aitkenvale, Townsville early 60's..Thanks for being first cab off the rank in the latest edit of School Days.
Comment from ReaThomas
Another superb chapter! This is progressing nicely, with more snippets of your humour. You have such a likeable personality, even in your writing. Again, I would remove as many semicolons as possible - this will tighten your chapter considerable. One more thought I had was:
On a 'funny??' side this particular girl I am speaking of...
One piece of punctuation is always enough. I would be inclined to write this sentence as:
On a funny (?) side, this particular girl I am speaking of...
It conveys that you are asking the audience if they share your humour, but also looks neater to the reader. What do you think? I hope you don't mind my suggestions. Feel free to discard any you don't agree with! :)
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Another superb chapter! This is progressing nicely, with more snippets of your humour. You have such a likeable personality, even in your writing. Again, I would remove as many semicolons as possible - this will tighten your chapter considerable. One more thought I had was:
On a 'funny??' side this particular girl I am speaking of...
One piece of punctuation is always enough. I would be inclined to write this sentence as:
On a funny (?) side, this particular girl I am speaking of...
It conveys that you are asking the audience if they share your humour, but also looks neater to the reader. What do you think? I hope you don't mind my suggestions. Feel free to discard any you don't agree with! :)
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Thanks for dropping by and advice appreciated. hang around ok Chapter 2 is coming later when we get home from the physiotherapist
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Just noticed this advice on the punctuation goingn in now to fix. I also did another edit to Chapter 1 above if you would like to drop by
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed reading this addition to your life story. In the US, you never here about students being caned. It sounds terribly painful. In this country back when your story was written, students were paddled and the licks where on your bottom. How big was the cane and what part of your body was hit. I picture a cane as being a large stick unlike a switch which is just a leafless twig. You mention Ecclesiastes. Our pastor is just finishing that book after preaching sermons from there for over three years. I about know it by heart. LOL There is a lot of wisdom there.
Beth
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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I enjoyed reading this addition to your life story. In the US, you never here about students being caned. It sounds terribly painful. In this country back when your story was written, students were paddled and the licks where on your bottom. How big was the cane and what part of your body was hit. I picture a cane as being a large stick unlike a switch which is just a leafless twig. You mention Ecclesiastes. Our pastor is just finishing that book after preaching sermons from there for over three years. I about know it by heart. LOL There is a lot of wisdom there.
Beth
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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hi Beth yeah well Solomon wrote it so there hehe. Pity he sinned and threw in with the Queen of Sheba later on..my favourite story is the two women arguing over whose a baby rightfully was and he said well we can cut it in half and give you half each so of course the real Mother came forward. The Cane was probably a piece of dried sugar cane if that gives you the idea and it was applied to the hand/s. We ran an ACE School at our church years ago and they used the Paddle for discipline there. I guess the Paddle was an American invention. Probably just as painful on the behind though. Thanks for the review there are changes coming seems I might need to reverse the order back so that Chapter 2 will be on my medical Problems maybe you and others can let me know if that is a good idea or not.
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This chapter has now been moved Chapter 2 is coming
Comment from Norbanus
Greetings, my tangental friend
You move ahead quite well
The journal style to the end
your story for to tell
Methinks 'twould help it overall
to add a spot of two
of incidents you can recall
with details through and through
I'd like to hear the fear and pain
from those who shared that awful cane.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2013
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Greetings, my tangental friend
You move ahead quite well
The journal style to the end
your story for to tell
Methinks 'twould help it overall
to add a spot of two
of incidents you can recall
with details through and through
I'd like to hear the fear and pain
from those who shared that awful cane.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2013
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Hi mate your certainly a poet if you really know nit hehe. D you want me to get some of the other kids to add something but this is about me remember.
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This chapter has now been moved Chapter 2 is coming as you said it did move a bit fast have taken that on board I do hope a lot of my Medical stuff dies nor bore you...my own sister is NOT interested in my medical problems! But they do relate as you will see and I think you hinted at earlier. The change is all your fault mate hehe..thanks.
Comment from joneau2
Your story is quite good, light hearted and amusing. As you indicated, you have a habit of wandering a bit ... losing focus. Also, you don't say what your affliction was at the time, nor of the girl's affliction (I believe that's important to the reader to place matters into perspective).
However, you do write very well.
Oh, several catches: "Well! There you are..And I wager ..." and "would be:"what goes around comes around". Also, "got the cane , but he was good..." There's more, so I suggest you do some more editing.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2013
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Your story is quite good, light hearted and amusing. As you indicated, you have a habit of wandering a bit ... losing focus. Also, you don't say what your affliction was at the time, nor of the girl's affliction (I believe that's important to the reader to place matters into perspective).
However, you do write very well.
Oh, several catches: "Well! There you are..And I wager ..." and "would be:"what goes around comes around". Also, "got the cane , but he was good..." There's more, so I suggest you do some more editing.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2013
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OK thanks for that as another reviewer said edit edit edit
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This chapter has moved as per your question you will see more of the answers in the new Chapter 2 ok. It was always there I just thought folks mnight not want to get bored with Medical stuff but the fact is I had problems from very early days.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a frank and honest addition to your autobiography. I like this story and the way that you talk about God in this story. You were a cute little boy at school. I liked this story a lot.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2013
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This is a frank and honest addition to your autobiography. I like this story and the way that you talk about God in this story. You were a cute little boy at school. I liked this story a lot.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2013
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Thanks mate. I count it a privilege to have folks like you on board. I was thinking of having a list of people to write to who are following my book but if you are a fan and I think you are already you get notified when new stuff is added right? I was glad FS got the chapters around the right way after I did the edit and changed the Second Chapter title a bit. Long way to go yet. Thanks again
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Yes, I get the notifications all right. I will try to keep up with it, but I'm going home tomorrow, so I will take a break for a few days. Back to the home country for a while. :-)
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If you like e-mail me and I can put you on my e-mail list for fans of my book sankey48@yahoo.com.au
What is your homeland I think you said Irish Republic? Was that right?
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Yes, Republic of Ireland.
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Hi Thomas I have moved the chapter down the real Chaopter 2 is coming some said it was a pretty quick move from birth to School always had Chapter 2 but thought as my Sister does people would not be interested in my Medical history but it is relevant.
Comment from madhatter1977
Hey Sankey, interesting read my friend. Good quality writing but there's a lot of reminiscing. More drama needed I feel but the details are excellent and bring it to life. Your knowledge of the city you live in is really interesting. However, back to the drama. Is this an autobiography or a story? For example, about the headmaster. How did it feel to be singled out for nothing? Was it unfair? Yes it was. Describe the emotion, show it to the reader - the way it made you and the others feel. You set up so many strands in this prologue that are going to be expanded on later, but you need more immediate storytelling and crucially, as I've found with one of my recent stories reviewed on here, dialogue too. Yep, I've made the same mistake there and am learning from it. If you include more dialogue it will bring out character and drama. I don't mean the 4 stars to put you off - the writing is good, but more focus on the storytelling, whether it be autobiography or story. Good luck with it, Hatter
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reply by the author on 22-Aug-2013
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Hey Sankey, interesting read my friend. Good quality writing but there's a lot of reminiscing. More drama needed I feel but the details are excellent and bring it to life. Your knowledge of the city you live in is really interesting. However, back to the drama. Is this an autobiography or a story? For example, about the headmaster. How did it feel to be singled out for nothing? Was it unfair? Yes it was. Describe the emotion, show it to the reader - the way it made you and the others feel. You set up so many strands in this prologue that are going to be expanded on later, but you need more immediate storytelling and crucially, as I've found with one of my recent stories reviewed on here, dialogue too. Yep, I've made the same mistake there and am learning from it. If you include more dialogue it will bring out character and drama. I don't mean the 4 stars to put you off - the writing is good, but more focus on the storytelling, whether it be autobiography or story. Good luck with it, Hatter
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2013
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Hi mate I appreciate your review. This is a Autobiography not a Novel. I don't know if they have another way to categorise it. But I will take on board what you are recommending ok. This is Chapter 2 I don't know how it became a Prologue.
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You're welcome Sankey. Dialogue is hard to write but show through a memory how that teacher was a sadist! I'd definitely read that and it'd resonate with people I've met in my life. Keep at it mate, we're all learning, otherwise we'd be earning millions!
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Hi as I said it is a Autobiography on my life. My family once said "Who would want to read about your life" but my sis in law gave me a book about Workshops for people writing biographies and the author of the book said and I quote..loves this "Everyone's story is interesting to someone! That has really encouraged me. Let me also say thanks for the ideas I will elaborate on "Derringer" a bit more. Actually an old friend from that class I alluded to (she had 'Dislexia' and was also treated woefully by Dureen told me some of the things they did to try and pay him back for his hurtful stuff he did to them like putting pillows in the piano hehe.
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That's the detail to start with Sankey - that'd be a hell of an introduction! Well done and yes, everyone's interesting. You are as is everyone on the site who wants to write. Believe in yourself and the rest will come. Hatter
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have taken above comment on board you will see it at beginning opf Chapter one chapter 2 has also been moved new 2 is coming hope Medical stuff does not bore you but it sort of goes with all this as well.