Comment from me_tudor

Excellent

This was a good poem. You did a great job creating a visual of what the experience would be like. I think I'll pass, I hate waking up freezing cold. :)

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

It really was a lot of fun--but chilly~Thanks~Debbie

Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart

Excellent

This is very interesting and something I think every one of the last two generations should experience for at least two weeks. Number one I think it would be fun and number two i think it would build up an appreciation in them for the things they do have. Great poem. God loves you and I do too.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

I agree wholeheartedly with that. I had such a great time there and truly didn't want to leave. Have a blessed day~DEbbie

reply by Evelyn Fort Stewart on 12-Aug-2013

There really is a place like this?

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

yes, I spent my 13th Christmas there~~~ Debbie

Comment from JW

Excellent

In reading about how your Christmas was spend, I can easily understand why you would not have a desire to return home.

What you have describe here sounds absolutely wonderful.

Thanks for sharing this. JW

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

It was a truly wonderful break from the hustle and bustle of what we usually think of Christmas as. Take care, my friend~Debbie

Comment from mumsyone

Excellent

Much better, Debbie!

Hi Debbie,

I hope you can make sense of my notes here. I've only mentioned the things I would change, but I'll also put the entire piece in a PM, to show how it reads when it's all together. Use what you like and disregard what you don't. And if you want more help, or have a question, just ask. I'll be gone most of the morning, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Looking forward to reading what you come up with!

Hugs,
Lois

We reach the log cabin. Wood-burning stove and outhouse.

Christmas Eve Day, dinner tasks assigned.

Bread bakes, butter churns. I use lard in handmade pie crusts; wash hands in basin, using homemade soap; haul wood; and pump water.

I would omit this sentence altogether, as it isn't needed. However, if you do keep it, just remove the comma and go with the dash:
Wilderness replaces civilization, -- a hundred years vanished.

From the forest, a perfect pine chopped down and dragged inside. We string popcorn and cranberries, decorate the tree by lantern's light. Cider. Wood-burning stove. Stories.

Teens sleep upstairs with handmade quilts. Overnight snowfall. Cold awakening.

Wood stove revived, we exchange homemade gifts and do chores. Dinner, and the best apple pie ever.

Christmas ride on snowy trails. Sore bottoms. No luxuries. No desire to return home.

tightly closed blossom
unfolds its petals
true gift revealed

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

Thanks so much, Lois-you are such a great help!!! Debbie

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Hey, Debbie, I like your haibun of revelation. Coming
to realize the rewards of shared time, shared work, reaffirmed connections. I yearn to smell the breads and pies, the handmade soap, the scents and sounds of the horses. I want to know what the cider tastes like, feel the cocoon of a hand-stitched quilt.
Sorry you missed the contest, Debbie. It filled up fast.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

Thanks so much, Lee. I was amazed how many haibun writers we have since I see so very few posted. I am sure there will will be another contest soon. Or I guess I could start one...

Thanks so much for the kind and thoughtful review~Debbie

Comment from Deborah Marie

Excellent

Lovely habiun and photo choice. Well penned with nice progression, rhythm and flow for an excellent read. Nice set-up and color scheme too. Thanks for sharing, Deb

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

Thank you so very much~Debbie

Comment from MzNiki

Excellent

What a great depiction of Christmas! I could smell the pies cooking in the oven, LOL! A great picture you coupled this write with as well. Thank you for this contribution....it's never too early to start day dreaming about Christmas! Keep up the groovy work my friend (*_*)!

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

Thank you so much, my friend~Debbie

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Hi Debbie. The images are strong in this haibun, as is the flow and feeling of immediacy, which are all important points for haibun. I enjoyed it very much.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

Thanks so much, Dawn. It is still a work in progress. Glad you enjoyed it~Debbie

reply by Dawn Munro on 12-Aug-2013

I did, very much.

Comment from DanielEkine

Excellent

What a remarkable finish to a gorgeous poem. Beautiful work by the author. My best part, "once tightly closed
blossom unfolds its petals
true gift revealed."

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

Thank you so very much~Debbie

Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Hi Debbie,
You are a pro at this format now. Well penned and no issues my end. Creative topic, strong connection for the reader to the work itself.
Lovely job.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2013

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013

Thanks so much for the very kind comments, my friend. Have a beautiful day~DEbbie