Soul mates
Just some floating thoughts20 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
good alliteration in seen sides
good assonance of long I sounds in light/time
good alliteration in made for me
a thoughtful look at what makes this relationship work :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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good alliteration in seen sides
good assonance of long I sounds in light/time
good alliteration in made for me
a thoughtful look at what makes this relationship work :-) Brooke
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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thank you for the review
Comment from kiwijenny
Thanks for this closeness ... So scarily attached I feel him like I feel me....is my favorite line. And also I know insistently that he was made for me not because we are the same But because we are different. Yay .good work
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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Thanks for this closeness ... So scarily attached I feel him like I feel me....is my favorite line. And also I know insistently that he was made for me not because we are the same But because we are different. Yay .good work
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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thank you for the review
Comment from zeldasmith
I liked this poem. It's like the feeling you get when you are with your spouse or significant other for so long. You can feel pain, desire, etc. almost as if you live in each others body. But the three letter phrase that I had to read a few times over before I could read the line smoothly is.." so scarily attached"....maybe you could use another word in place of scarily...one that won't change your description. That's my only critique. Good write.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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I liked this poem. It's like the feeling you get when you are with your spouse or significant other for so long. You can feel pain, desire, etc. almost as if you live in each others body. But the three letter phrase that I had to read a few times over before I could read the line smoothly is.." so scarily attached"....maybe you could use another word in place of scarily...one that won't change your description. That's my only critique. Good write.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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I tried different words there but none gave the meaning i wanted to show so I couldn't use them thanks for your review
Comment from Ekim777
What is this thing called soul? We live by the light of our conscious personalities But our souls are so much larger. The soul is the larger brighter projection of our unconscious. Our minds seem to be a small island in a vast sea where all real meaning resides. And when we meet a kindred spirit, there is a mutual self projection, a recognition . Some say that if the personality is the masculine in a man; the soul is his feminine part. The bible relates of the friendship between David and Jonathan, a friendship ending with Jonathan's demise.
"I am distressed for thee my brother Jonathan. Thy love for me was wonderful, surpassing the love of woman. Friendship can be something special. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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What is this thing called soul? We live by the light of our conscious personalities But our souls are so much larger. The soul is the larger brighter projection of our unconscious. Our minds seem to be a small island in a vast sea where all real meaning resides. And when we meet a kindred spirit, there is a mutual self projection, a recognition . Some say that if the personality is the masculine in a man; the soul is his feminine part. The bible relates of the friendship between David and Jonathan, a friendship ending with Jonathan's demise.
"I am distressed for thee my brother Jonathan. Thy love for me was wonderful, surpassing the love of woman. Friendship can be something special. -Ekim777
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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wow i wasn't thinking that deep into but yes i agree with you thank you for the review
Comment from webfoot
you've captured the soul mate experience in a meaningful way.
Especially the line "not because we're the same but because we're different" is so true
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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you've captured the soul mate experience in a meaningful way.
Especially the line "not because we're the same but because we're different" is so true
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2013
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thank you for the review and kindness
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you're very welcome Keimosoble
Comment from donette1914
it must be so nice to find a sole mate to love each passing morning with each fiber. beautiful photo and very romantic and it was a pleasure to read
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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it must be so nice to find a sole mate to love each passing morning with each fiber. beautiful photo and very romantic and it was a pleasure to read
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the review
Comment from Terry wrote
This is a pretty little poem, and could be about a spouse, a friend, or a son. True love does become a part of our identity, and one often feels what the other is feeling, whether they are together or not. Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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This is a pretty little poem, and could be about a spouse, a friend, or a son. True love does become a part of our identity, and one often feels what the other is feeling, whether they are together or not. Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Your welcome I thought of many different people as I wrote this
Comment from JB Lynn
UPDATE: I love the changes you made! Beautiful turn with the "scarily attached" line. Thanks for encouraging me to come back and re-read.
This is very sweet and I liked some of the imagery and I thought I would share some of my thoughts.
"so scarily attached" - I get what you're saying here, but it feels a little awkward, I think because the word "scarily" is problematic for me. Maybe because the line above is so short. Most of your lines are similar in length but these two stand out because they're so short, yet they don't feel like they're a pair. Maybe the line "to see" could be moved up to the line above?
"Still I love him with each fiber, every single bit of me" - The last part of this line is vague and would be stronger if you gave us something concrete to better illustrate it. Kind of like "from my head to my toes" (though that particular one is a little too trite, I think, for a soul mate poem.
Also, "not because were the same" the word "were" should have an apostrophe to become "we're" like you have in the final line.
Great choice in the image, by the way. It pairs nicely with your piece.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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UPDATE: I love the changes you made! Beautiful turn with the "scarily attached" line. Thanks for encouraging me to come back and re-read.
This is very sweet and I liked some of the imagery and I thought I would share some of my thoughts.
"so scarily attached" - I get what you're saying here, but it feels a little awkward, I think because the word "scarily" is problematic for me. Maybe because the line above is so short. Most of your lines are similar in length but these two stand out because they're so short, yet they don't feel like they're a pair. Maybe the line "to see" could be moved up to the line above?
"Still I love him with each fiber, every single bit of me" - The last part of this line is vague and would be stronger if you gave us something concrete to better illustrate it. Kind of like "from my head to my toes" (though that particular one is a little too trite, I think, for a soul mate poem.
Also, "not because were the same" the word "were" should have an apostrophe to become "we're" like you have in the final line.
Great choice in the image, by the way. It pairs nicely with your piece.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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I made a few tweaks i would ;ove it if you could re read it and tell me if you liked it better this way
Comment from Cry the Vile Rebel
very passionate declaration of love. I like the depth of feeling and just the honesty of this poem. second to lost line We're needs an apostrophe.
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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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very passionate declaration of love. I like the depth of feeling and just the honesty of this poem. second to lost line We're needs an apostrophe.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Thank you for reviewing glad you liked it
Comment from SteveY
Excellent job with this one. Who doesn't like the whole idea of soulmates? I think this one could have had a cool picture to go with it to add to its luster!
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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Excellent job with this one. Who doesn't like the whole idea of soulmates? I think this one could have had a cool picture to go with it to add to its luster!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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i just added a picture thank you for the tip
