My Favorite Wife Part Two
A Story About Domestic Violence.18 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
A delightful ending. Also love the twist to this story--the husband stabbing himeself and blaming her.Oh how we love some drama in the humdrum of life.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
  |
A delightful ending. Also love the twist to this story--the husband stabbing himeself and blaming her.Oh how we love some drama in the humdrum of life.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
-
Glad you were not disappointed.
Comment from RJFunston
Good evening,
This is a very interesting story, you managed to capture my attention from the very beginning and it didn't stop. Your opening was perfect, a great way to seize the readers curiosity and hold it. You continued forward and went it came to the ending, you nailed it. Very nicely written.
Have a good one,
Robert
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
|
Good evening,
This is a very interesting story, you managed to capture my attention from the very beginning and it didn't stop. Your opening was perfect, a great way to seize the readers curiosity and hold it. You continued forward and went it came to the ending, you nailed it. Very nicely written.
Have a good one,
Robert
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
-
I dont know if you read the part one. Thanks for the review
Comment from donaldww
This is a fun story. Are you going to add and episode for whey she visits?
I found some SPAGs for you to look at.
last week[']s episode
she [will] shed some light on this, so I [can] be myself again.- change to would, could
human nature gone [array]. - astray
"It's a Flushing thing[,]" [m]y husband said.
He winked at his brother, who nodded. Together they shared a secret laugh that was privy to only the two of them.
(He winked at his brother, who nodded and shared a secret laugh.)
Apparently[,] my late mother-in-law
I rose and said[,] "We are having dessert in an hour."
(I excused myself. "We are having dessert in an hour." I went . . .)
police arrived, [h]e stated that
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
|
This is a fun story. Are you going to add and episode for whey she visits?
I found some SPAGs for you to look at.
last week[']s episode
she [will] shed some light on this, so I [can] be myself again.- change to would, could
human nature gone [array]. - astray
"It's a Flushing thing[,]" [m]y husband said.
He winked at his brother, who nodded. Together they shared a secret laugh that was privy to only the two of them.
(He winked at his brother, who nodded and shared a secret laugh.)
Apparently[,] my late mother-in-law
I rose and said[,] "We are having dessert in an hour."
(I excused myself. "We are having dessert in an hour." I went . . .)
police arrived, [h]e stated that
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
-
Thanks so much for this intense edit, Glad you liked it.
Comment from Carole Rosa
Joann, This is a good fiction story, but something similar happened to me in real life. I was cleared of it, but people are desperate when they think of hurting themselves just to get even with another person. Joann, Your story is well written and exciting. Carole
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
|
Joann, This is a good fiction story, but something similar happened to me in real life. I was cleared of it, but people are desperate when they think of hurting themselves just to get even with another person. Joann, Your story is well written and exciting. Carole
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
-
Thanks there is a lot of truth here
Comment from christianpowers
Hi again Joann,
This is great suspense. You've built up the tension like a true master. Hitchcock would be proud.
Here's a few edits... (I left out my objections to the 'fury' of vague and impostent modifiers in the second sentence.)
>>> Here I almost peed.<<< This is weird. I think it needs to be qualified somehow.. Maybe 'Here I overcame the startled response of peeing in my pants.' That's not very good either, but I think it's better. I almost peed seemed too abrupt. What are you an excited puppy? lol
>>> I chewed my nails and sat wondered when was the last time I saw her. <<< 'sat' not needed, and get rid of 'was'. 'wondered when I saw her last.' is fine.
>>> I rose and said."We are having...<<< 'rose' is awkward. Try 'stood'. It's much more common, and less distracting.
>>> and hide all of the knives.<<< get rid of 'of'. The sentence has more impact without it.
Great job. I'll read the next when it's out.
Christian
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
|
Hi again Joann,
This is great suspense. You've built up the tension like a true master. Hitchcock would be proud.
Here's a few edits... (I left out my objections to the 'fury' of vague and impostent modifiers in the second sentence.)
>>> Here I almost peed.<<< This is weird. I think it needs to be qualified somehow.. Maybe 'Here I overcame the startled response of peeing in my pants.' That's not very good either, but I think it's better. I almost peed seemed too abrupt. What are you an excited puppy? lol
>>> I chewed my nails and sat wondered when was the last time I saw her. <<< 'sat' not needed, and get rid of 'was'. 'wondered when I saw her last.' is fine.
>>> I rose and said."We are having...<<< 'rose' is awkward. Try 'stood'. It's much more common, and less distracting.
>>> and hide all of the knives.<<< get rid of 'of'. The sentence has more impact without it.
Great job. I'll read the next when it's out.
Christian
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
-
You read two before one, try to get it , while its still worth a few cents.Thanks for the review
-
Nope, I read them in order. Take a look. I've already reviewed the first part. And I just realized you ended it. I don't think it's over. You've never satisfied the mystery here.
Christian
-
Hey you are right, ...
Comment from alexisleech
I do hope there's going to be more! As you say, there's two sides to every story. This all read beautifully, but I think there's something missing in this sentence 'As I made my way back into the kitchen to brew a fresh pot of coffee for dessert.' I think you have to tell the reader what she was doing 'as' she made her way to the kitchen.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
|
I do hope there's going to be more! As you say, there's two sides to every story. This all read beautifully, but I think there's something missing in this sentence 'As I made my way back into the kitchen to brew a fresh pot of coffee for dessert.' I think you have to tell the reader what she was doing 'as' she made her way to the kitchen.
Alexis x
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
-
Ok I will think of something, it did end to quick, thanks for the review.
Comment from P1
owing Michel she --- Michelle
p to him and plunge it into his thigh for the hell of it? ======plunged
this was a very powerful story and you showed the mixed emotion very well. i enjoyed the read. nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
|
owing Michel she --- Michelle
p to him and plunge it into his thigh for the hell of it? ======plunged
this was a very powerful story and you showed the mixed emotion very well. i enjoyed the read. nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
-
So true, and sad, Thanks for the review
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, joann, you did a great job wriitng this second part about the woman who was fascinated with television crime shows and wanted to know all about the stabbing and whether it was true or not and invited the woman and her kids to stay with her
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
|
this is very well written, joann, you did a great job wriitng this second part about the woman who was fascinated with television crime shows and wanted to know all about the stabbing and whether it was true or not and invited the woman and her kids to stay with her
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2013
-
Thanks It was fun to write too.