When You Least Expect It...
A family vacation interrupted34 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Blanks
When You Least Expect It...is a fiction story that reads like true crime. You are correct that it would be more timely as domestic terrorism now. I know a little bit about this, as I was an FBI agent in New York City for many years.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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When You Least Expect It...is a fiction story that reads like true crime. You are correct that it would be more timely as domestic terrorism now. I know a little bit about this, as I was an FBI agent in New York City for many years.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you Thomas, I can imagine as an FBI agent you have seen a lot of domestic terror. New York City has so much going on. I really appreciate the review.
Beth
Comment from Sankey
What a great piece of fiction. I wish you well in the contest. Let me know how it goes. Or is the contest long gone? Sometimes these old posts still show a contest that is not happening anymore.
One spag. "Yep, but it('s) none of our affair,"
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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What a great piece of fiction. I wish you well in the contest. Let me know how it goes. Or is the contest long gone? Sometimes these old posts still show a contest that is not happening anymore.
One spag. "Yep, but it('s) none of our affair,"
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you for a great review. The contests was over years ago so long past. I'm glad you like it. I have written fiction in quite a while.
Beth
Comment from Tara Maxfield
The theme of the story served as the reminder intended and the technical aspects were great. My problem with the work was believability in the situation. The string of coincidences that built the plot just didn't satisfy the believability of it for me. A terrorist who made that kind of investment in the room's contents would not house it in a Craigslist rented location in control of some random person in my opinion. The story has much potential, and just needs some revision to achieve it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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The theme of the story served as the reminder intended and the technical aspects were great. My problem with the work was believability in the situation. The string of coincidences that built the plot just didn't satisfy the believability of it for me. A terrorist who made that kind of investment in the room's contents would not house it in a Craigslist rented location in control of some random person in my opinion. The story has much potential, and just needs some revision to achieve it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your thought, I appreciate the review and comments. This was a after thought by the guy who had no further units to rent on Craig's list. I'm sure the terrorist wouldn't have gotten through Craig's list, but I guess I didn't make that clear enough.
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I overthink things, too, so be aware of that. It can cripple the writing process, because I shoot holes in everything. Do know that I really enjoyed your style and ease of word flow. You've definitely got talent (in my humble opinion!)
Comment from lyenochka
Wow, this was fabulous storytelling, Beth!! You really got my heart racing about the situation, wondering when the terrorists might come. You also hit home with a mom's concern over her son in the military but the danger could be really very close to home, too. Super job with this! Virtual six!
One comment:
son's safety was preying heavily on my mind. ("preying heavily" was unusual as I've only heard "weighing heavily on my mind." Perhaps you wanted a more aggressive hunter tone?)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Wow, this was fabulous storytelling, Beth!! You really got my heart racing about the situation, wondering when the terrorists might come. You also hit home with a mom's concern over her son in the military but the danger could be really very close to home, too. Super job with this! Virtual six!
One comment:
son's safety was preying heavily on my mind. ("preying heavily" was unusual as I've only heard "weighing heavily on my mind." Perhaps you wanted a more aggressive hunter tone?)
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you Helen, A lot of my older stories were fiction, but lately I've mostly written non-fiction. I pulled out one of the older ones to tide me over until I had something else ready to post. I'm so glad you liked it.
Beth
Comment from Spitfire
I'm sorry I didn't read this earlier. You have been such a faithful reviwer. This held my attention with its well-thought out plot. I especially liked the ending. There's no such thing as coincidence. You had me believing this was n0n-fiction.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2012
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I'm sorry I didn't read this earlier. You have been such a faithful reviwer. This held my attention with its well-thought out plot. I especially liked the ending. There's no such thing as coincidence. You had me believing this was n0n-fiction.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the review. I'm sorry it was no longer paying points. I'm glad you found it interesting.
Beth
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh so true. We have enough terrorism right here in the US. We don't need to go looking for it. I enjoyed reading your short story and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Oh so true. We have enough terrorism right here in the US. We don't need to go looking for it. I enjoyed reading your short story and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Thank you Barbara, I really appreciate your review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Jina Sarma
A very lovely story is written by you. I loved the title of story. Beginning to end I am very impressed with your story telling ability. You have very good skill of writing. Keep your journey on good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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A very lovely story is written by you. I loved the title of story. Beginning to end I am very impressed with your story telling ability. You have very good skill of writing. Keep your journey on good luck.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the lovely comments. I'm pleased that your liked the story.
Beth
Comment from 3boysmom
After watching horror movies with my kids the past few nights, this hit the spot. Very creepy. Unlike the horror movies I have been watching, this is a reality we know all too well.
I do not have any suggestions at all. Very good story.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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After watching horror movies with my kids the past few nights, this hit the spot. Very creepy. Unlike the horror movies I have been watching, this is a reality we know all too well.
I do not have any suggestions at all. Very good story.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your review and comments. I'm glad you like it.
Beth
Comment from ajdevore
Boy you sure know how to build suspense. I could not stop reading. And although I don't believe in such things, one does have to wonder why that window was broken and what would have happened it it hadn't been. I agree. Brent will return home safely. All my best,
Anna
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Boy you sure know how to build suspense. I could not stop reading. And although I don't believe in such things, one does have to wonder why that window was broken and what would have happened it it hadn't been. I agree. Brent will return home safely. All my best,
Anna
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Thank you Anna, I really appreciate the six star review. I really enjoyed reading your comments.
Beth
Comment from megg_2020
What a good story! It was written very, very well. It kept me engrossed and my heart picked up speed a time or two. You have a good gift of narrative and a knack for telling a story quickly without boring a reader. Very well done.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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What a good story! It was written very, very well. It kept me engrossed and my heart picked up speed a time or two. You have a good gift of narrative and a knack for telling a story quickly without boring a reader. Very well done.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the six star review. I really appreciate those affirmative comments. I'm so glad you liked it.
Beth