Comment from MelReyn

Excellent

My father also spent some time in the hospital and it is not easy. I can relate to this poem quite well. Especially the line "it frighened me to see him there." It was well done. Good work!

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012

Thank you Mel for your kind review, it is difficult but hopefully there will be some light soon. :) Jaq x

Comment from santapola

Good

what a terrible thing to happen, this is very sad it go to show how we should show our love and care all through our lives and not just at the end

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 Comment Written 24-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012

Thank you santapola for your very kind review. We should indeed look after those close to us. :) Jaq x

Comment from RaymondJohn

Excellent

You tie the message to the graphic very well. Seeing someone very sick is extremely hard. More so when they are iin a hospi8tal. You have the beat and the rhyme. You should have a very good chance in the contest. Ray.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012

Thank you very much for your kind review Ray. Yes it is very hard at the minute but things will get better. :) Jaq x

Comment from wordsareus

Excellent

This is really nice poem. You followed the rhyme scheme correctly for a tetrabreve. I read the rules and it doesn't look that easy. Well done.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012

Thank you so much wordsareus I just thought I'd give it a bash and I had my Dad on my mind anyway. :) Jaq x

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Exceptional

Hello my friend I fully understand how you feel my mum is home now but she has this mask now like the picture I have seen mum like this sorry I am crying . I hope your dad gets well soon regards Jill

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012

Thank you so much Jill, much appreciated :) Jaq x

Comment from Earl of Oxford

Excellent

No mention by be of meter here, Jaq, as it's irrelevant in such a sad, from-the-heart and moving write.

I hope this special man is free of pain and senses your love for him.

All the best to him, you and all the family.

Ray

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 Comment Written 24-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012

Cheers Ray, he's had a wee setback but hopefully we will get him home again soon. :) Jaq x

reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012

Yeah the metering is awful Ray, just trying out this new style :) xx I will ask your advice soon my friend. :) JAq x

reply by Earl of Oxford on 24-Oct-2012

I've seen a lot worse meter, Jaq. As said, in some poems, especially shorties, it's irrelevant compared to the dramatic and moving content. I just realised this is a contest entry, and one I've also reserved a spot for. I'm completely uninspired and can't even think of a theme, let alone some words. Anyway, good luck to yours. xx