The Ripple Effect
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Childhood of Dreams"A couple's tour about England takes many turns....
23 total reviews
Comment from Lee Leon
This was a good read. I didn't understand the 'sprawled like a snow angel' (why?), but the description of the boy in the bath was quite magical. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
LL
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This was a good read. I didn't understand the 'sprawled like a snow angel' (why?), but the description of the boy in the bath was quite magical. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
LL
Comment Written 23-Nov-2005
Comment from mswritealot
Wonderful introduction and descriptive into a dream. Your words flowed with reality and animation and they blended beautifully. The only reason for a four is that I didnt find it outstanding. I did think it was excellent
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Wonderful introduction and descriptive into a dream. Your words flowed with reality and animation and they blended beautifully. The only reason for a four is that I didnt find it outstanding. I did think it was excellent
Comment Written 22-Nov-2005
Comment from Veronica Grace
The stirrings of some become evident with the smell, and (then=remove) the smoke(,=remove) of burning logs reaching into the sky just before sunrise.
Life begins walking about on cold wooden floors(,)(and=remove) wearing thick woolen socks.
Mixing with the coolness of the December morn(,) the bath-size cloud bank becomes more dense.
It's a Madison, West Virginia(,=remove) winter and chuffs of steam drift from the newly opened bathroom window.
His head cocks to the side with wonder, and he is saying to himself, (What is this?= Quotes or italic)
Above the sound of his own splashing(,) McCail shouts the puppets' lines as his childhood continues.
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The stirrings of some become evident with the smell, and (then=remove) the smoke(,=remove) of burning logs reaching into the sky just before sunrise.
Life begins walking about on cold wooden floors(,)(and=remove) wearing thick woolen socks.
Mixing with the coolness of the December morn(,) the bath-size cloud bank becomes more dense.
It's a Madison, West Virginia(,=remove) winter and chuffs of steam drift from the newly opened bathroom window.
His head cocks to the side with wonder, and he is saying to himself, (What is this?= Quotes or italic)
Above the sound of his own splashing(,) McCail shouts the puppets' lines as his childhood continues.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2005
Comment from Daniel Ray
No question of suggestion, I downright like this dream, dream effect, dreamy atmosphere, dream words, dream environment with dream contrasts, dream moods, dream catches grow so smooth with the narrative fancy with the good going introduction and curious-realistic end, plot nicely captured with the moves, ups and downs, free flow of thoughts with climax effect makes it a work of professional stand I like especially the mystic punch and sudden push with metaphysical effect, very lightly but comprehensively handled, a pleasant read. DANIEL RAY
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No question of suggestion, I downright like this dream, dream effect, dreamy atmosphere, dream words, dream environment with dream contrasts, dream moods, dream catches grow so smooth with the narrative fancy with the good going introduction and curious-realistic end, plot nicely captured with the moves, ups and downs, free flow of thoughts with climax effect makes it a work of professional stand I like especially the mystic punch and sudden push with metaphysical effect, very lightly but comprehensively handled, a pleasant read. DANIEL RAY
Comment Written 22-Nov-2005
Comment from Anne123
Great opening chapter, it really holds my interest and I now hope to read the other chapters posted by yourself. Can't wait.
Thanks
Ann-Louise
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Great opening chapter, it really holds my interest and I now hope to read the other chapters posted by yourself. Can't wait.
Thanks
Ann-Louise
Comment Written 22-Nov-2005
Comment from Roznme
You evoke a very clear image here with your poetic style of writing. I particularly like, "Cascading vapors, having reached the room's limits began flowing back onto the cracked tile floor. Wisps of cool air from the basement below swirls into tiny whirlpools along the floors edging." Although for me 'Cascading' doesn't quite seem the right word, it seems to clash with 'flowing' further along the sentence.
I enjoyed reading this and found it an interesting way to break into the story, however, this level of poetic-style descriptive text is hard to maintain and hard to read over a period of time. I would use it sparingly throughout your book for special effects and provide a change of pace. I'm looking forward to reading more.
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You evoke a very clear image here with your poetic style of writing. I particularly like, "Cascading vapors, having reached the room's limits began flowing back onto the cracked tile floor. Wisps of cool air from the basement below swirls into tiny whirlpools along the floors edging." Although for me 'Cascading' doesn't quite seem the right word, it seems to clash with 'flowing' further along the sentence.
I enjoyed reading this and found it an interesting way to break into the story, however, this level of poetic-style descriptive text is hard to maintain and hard to read over a period of time. I would use it sparingly throughout your book for special effects and provide a change of pace. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2005
Comment from ROCHELLE MOORE
this is an enjoyable read but sort of stands out alone. As i have not reviewed your other work prior to this perhaps i am being unfair. I will make it a point to go over your other work -
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this is an enjoyable read but sort of stands out alone. As i have not reviewed your other work prior to this perhaps i am being unfair. I will make it a point to go over your other work -
Comment Written 22-Jun-2005
Comment from Kym Jade
this was an interesting begining. It captures the imagainatinon and leaves people wanting more. Games in the bath used to be loads of fun. Love the mystery of this story.
Best wishes and dreams.
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this was an interesting begining. It captures the imagainatinon and leaves people wanting more. Games in the bath used to be loads of fun. Love the mystery of this story.
Best wishes and dreams.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2005
Comment from bdhkac
Loved it. Appreciate the time in it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Loved it. Appreciate the time in it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2005
Comment from Storyteller 27
What a charming story, with nice descriptions in the beginning. Yes, he was well on his way to marine bio early!
This has alot of grammer errors, which i swhy it loses a star.
But good read, nevertheless.
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What a charming story, with nice descriptions in the beginning. Yes, he was well on his way to marine bio early!
This has alot of grammer errors, which i swhy it loses a star.
But good read, nevertheless.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2005