Eternal Flames
beguiled by her hair, the red of autumn waning53 total reviews
Comment from cvcopac
Yes I did, Mr.Mike, yes I did. You had me all the way--I'm just another victim now. I see this is for a contest and it should place well. Exceptional writing. cvc
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Yes I did, Mr.Mike, yes I did. You had me all the way--I'm just another victim now. I see this is for a contest and it should place well. Exceptional writing. cvc
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Thank you, CVC :-)
I'm thrilled you enjoyed it, my friend.
Mike
Comment from rama devi
Fantastic descriptive narrative and clever Vampire story. Of course, the twist in the end was obvious way before the end, but well executed none-the-less.
I enjoyed these descriptive lines immensely:
Her hair was the red of Autumn waning
She threw me a moment's smile over her shoulder, like dinner scraps tossed to a slavering puppy
smooth as a marble statue but warm as Summer on toast
Did not notice any nits.
This has great pacing, good detail, authentic sounding dialog and fine character development too.
Good luck in the contest
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Fantastic descriptive narrative and clever Vampire story. Of course, the twist in the end was obvious way before the end, but well executed none-the-less.
I enjoyed these descriptive lines immensely:
Her hair was the red of Autumn waning
She threw me a moment's smile over her shoulder, like dinner scraps tossed to a slavering puppy
smooth as a marble statue but warm as Summer on toast
Did not notice any nits.
This has great pacing, good detail, authentic sounding dialog and fine character development too.
Good luck in the contest
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Thanks so much, red :-)
My thinking was that, if people realised Mike was a vampire in the second scene, then the third has some delicious dramatic irony to it. If they didn't, then it was a second chance to explain. I'm s glad you enjoyed it!
Mike
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Thanks Mike - you did mean rd, right? Not res? :)
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I blame my silly phone, which keeps trying to correct my spelling! I put rd, and it assumes I meant red.
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LOL!
Comment from santapola
Hi there , well it drew me in and I kept reading so I think you will do well in the contest all the best and thank you for sharing x
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Hi there , well it drew me in and I kept reading so I think you will do well in the contest all the best and thank you for sharing x
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
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Thanks so much, Santa - what a great review :-)
Mike
Comment from StolenGazebo
What's this? A short story with vampires that doesn't portray them as glittery emo nitwits? I didn't know such things existed anymore! Great work! A great reminder that, yes, there can be such a thing as engrossing, suspenseful and well-written vampire literature!
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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What's this? A short story with vampires that doesn't portray them as glittery emo nitwits? I didn't know such things existed anymore! Great work! A great reminder that, yes, there can be such a thing as engrossing, suspenseful and well-written vampire literature!
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Exactly my intention! Anything with vampires in it should be 18-rated and convey the sheer nastiness of the idea. Don't get me started on teen romance horror - ick! So glad you liked this one - it was a last minute idea, but one that lit a fire under my arse.
Mike
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
Okay, that was really good. It was predictable but not at the same time, and it had a delicious hint of homo-erotica, which I enjoyed. Over-sexualized female vamps are getting old and tired. I was hoping this would suck, as I also have an entry into this contest, but it sooo didn't lol. Good luck, though you hardly need it.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Okay, that was really good. It was predictable but not at the same time, and it had a delicious hint of homo-erotica, which I enjoyed. Over-sexualized female vamps are getting old and tired. I was hoping this would suck, as I also have an entry into this contest, but it sooo didn't lol. Good luck, though you hardly need it.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you :-). I wanted people to think they knew where it was going, then be caught off guard, so I guess it worked! I don't have high hopes in the contest, but this was fun to write anyway.
Mike
Comment from FireFreckles
Your descriptions are captivating and you differentiate between characters well. I thought the transitions between scenes could be a bit smoother and the realization that he also has this vampire desire could be drawn out a bit -- it's a powerful character moment and it seemed to go my very fast (the middle scene) so I would slow it down a bit. The last part was fantastic - the fear, the motion, the full circle. Chilling!
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Your descriptions are captivating and you differentiate between characters well. I thought the transitions between scenes could be a bit smoother and the realization that he also has this vampire desire could be drawn out a bit -- it's a powerful character moment and it seemed to go my very fast (the middle scene) so I would slow it down a bit. The last part was fantastic - the fear, the motion, the full circle. Chilling!
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you, FF :-). Another reviewer suggested more of a struggle/experience with the vampire realisation in Mike, and it's something I'd certainly do in a longer story. My natural instinct is to write long, but if I always followed it, I'd never get most of the stories out. This one is definitely a possible candidate for being re-written in greater depth. Thanks for the great review and suggestions :-).
Mike
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Cool :) You're very welcome!
Comment from RaymondJohn
Quite a surprise, Flump. Smart dialog and a excellent storyline make this an exceptional short-short. I didn't think you were into vampirism, but as I thinkabout it, you did like werewolves. Missed you. Come by and look at Who Done Houdini. Cheers. Ray.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Quite a surprise, Flump. Smart dialog and a excellent storyline make this an exceptional short-short. I didn't think you were into vampirism, but as I thinkabout it, you did like werewolves. Missed you. Come by and look at Who Done Houdini. Cheers. Ray.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Thanks so much, Ray. I still have my printed out copy. Will read and feed back shortly. Glad you liked this one, my friend :-)
Mike
Comment from Hollyhock
Oh yes, I enjoyed the read. I was riveted from beginning to end.
I loved the descriptions of the girl, the assumption that she was the vampire and he was unable to resist. Then the build-up as the true strength of Mile's real persona in unleashed.
The ending is excellent a combination of sexual and blood gratification without unnecessary explicit narration.
Scarey and mesmeric, like watching a snake, you can't look and you can't look away.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Oh yes, I enjoyed the read. I was riveted from beginning to end.
I loved the descriptions of the girl, the assumption that she was the vampire and he was unable to resist. Then the build-up as the true strength of Mile's real persona in unleashed.
The ending is excellent a combination of sexual and blood gratification without unnecessary explicit narration.
Scarey and mesmeric, like watching a snake, you can't look and you can't look away.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Thanks so much HH :-)
In all honesty, I usually press the Extreme Violence button quite early on, but I wanted t do something more subtle this time. I'm glad it turned out to be the right decision.
Mike
Comment from J. D. Means
Excellent twist on an old, over done story. The writing is well done and the story flowed very well. The ending was surprising and refreshing.
Thanks for a great read. Short and sweet!
Great story!
Joe
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Excellent twist on an old, over done story. The writing is well done and the story flowed very well. The ending was surprising and refreshing.
Thanks for a great read. Short and sweet!
Great story!
Joe
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Thanks for the great comments, Joe. I'm so glad you liked it :-)
Mike
Comment from wleeb
Awesome read! You have a way with prose that makes me a bit jealous. Your narrative us perfectly timed. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Awesome read! You have a way with prose that makes me a bit jealous. Your narrative us perfectly timed. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012
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Thanks so much, wleeb :-)
I really enjoyed writing this one, and also did it at breakneck speed when I had a late idea for the contest. That often seems to inspire my best work. I'm really glad you liked it!
Mike
