Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Dear Lord, I Pray..."A collection of poetry.
17 total reviews
Comment from Veronica Grace
Beautiful, Ricouard. Everything about this poem is perfect. I liked the use my... That was original I think. Regardless, it was finely written and nothing else need be said.
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Beautiful, Ricouard. Everything about this poem is perfect. I liked the use my... That was original I think. Regardless, it was finely written and nothing else need be said.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2005
Comment from Hetty
Hello again! You seem to be a prolific writer!
This is a lovely piece with some very wise words in it. You have written this piece to a very high standard. Well done.
You are out a bit on your beat count so if I may I will reproduce the poem below and show you where I found myself stumbling a bit..
Use my faith, that I might see
Wisdom's truth and its lesson's weaved. (delete "its")
Use my tongue, that I might speak
Of you to all by chance I'll meet. (this line is not clear enough)
Use my hands, that I might reap
When others will toil and only weep. (delete "will")
Use my feet, that I might find
A better path on which to set my life. (delete "better")
Use my heart, that I might strive
To never be cruel, but to always be kind.
(Try "To not be cruel, but to be kind")
Use this body, I claimed as mine (delete "I")
For the glory of your son, Jesus Christ.
(Try "For your son's glory, Jesus Christ")
'Cause I give it now to you above... (delete "cause")
With all my joy, all my love
Hope this helps
Hetty
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Hello again! You seem to be a prolific writer!
This is a lovely piece with some very wise words in it. You have written this piece to a very high standard. Well done.
You are out a bit on your beat count so if I may I will reproduce the poem below and show you where I found myself stumbling a bit..
Use my faith, that I might see
Wisdom's truth and its lesson's weaved. (delete "its")
Use my tongue, that I might speak
Of you to all by chance I'll meet. (this line is not clear enough)
Use my hands, that I might reap
When others will toil and only weep. (delete "will")
Use my feet, that I might find
A better path on which to set my life. (delete "better")
Use my heart, that I might strive
To never be cruel, but to always be kind.
(Try "To not be cruel, but to be kind")
Use this body, I claimed as mine (delete "I")
For the glory of your son, Jesus Christ.
(Try "For your son's glory, Jesus Christ")
'Cause I give it now to you above... (delete "cause")
With all my joy, all my love
Hope this helps
Hetty
Comment Written 17-Mar-2005
Comment from EmileJP
You see what others can not or will not and for that you are blessed. This is a loving Christian affirmation with your personal poetic touch. Thank you for the gentle and loving thoughts, they are great and inspiring. God is love and love comes in many beautiful forms. The magic that exist in your life is personified in the closeness you feel with God through his son Jesus as your savior. Great poem!
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You see what others can not or will not and for that you are blessed. This is a loving Christian affirmation with your personal poetic touch. Thank you for the gentle and loving thoughts, they are great and inspiring. God is love and love comes in many beautiful forms. The magic that exist in your life is personified in the closeness you feel with God through his son Jesus as your savior. Great poem!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2005
Comment from THE GIFT
The foundation of the work was inspirational. There was a varied rhyme scheme which was carried by the sincerity of the writer. It was enjoyable and I feel will help others take a good look into their own actions. Nice...
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The foundation of the work was inspirational. There was a varied rhyme scheme which was carried by the sincerity of the writer. It was enjoyable and I feel will help others take a good look into their own actions. Nice...
Comment Written 17-Mar-2005
Comment from Jadxia
An interesting rhyme scheme; I might take out the extra rhyming word (either speak, peek, or seek) from the beginning. Is this a certain style or something of your own invention?
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An interesting rhyme scheme; I might take out the extra rhyming word (either speak, peek, or seek) from the beginning. Is this a certain style or something of your own invention?
Comment Written 17-Mar-2005
Comment from ROCHELLE MOORE
This is written truly from the heart. The writer has captured with love and honesty the meaning of spirituality. I almost feel like i am right beside the author and listening aloud to his prayer - truly nice.
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This is written truly from the heart. The writer has captured with love and honesty the meaning of spirituality. I almost feel like i am right beside the author and listening aloud to his prayer - truly nice.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2005
Comment from mheflin
it's not terribly bad but it can use some work. You mixed rhyme and free form together that took from the poem. Also some of your sentences made sense and some didn't, I think it can be a beautiful poem if you find a way to reword it. mheflin
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it's not terribly bad but it can use some work. You mixed rhyme and free form together that took from the poem. Also some of your sentences made sense and some didn't, I think it can be a beautiful poem if you find a way to reword it. mheflin
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2005