The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Translating the Journal"A family learns their father is a serial killer
16 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Oooh, I was so excited to see your name in my message box! You're back and feeling well enough to write a whole new chapter that changes the direction of the storyline. I liked your device of including the translation to establish that Adrian was descended from gypsy people and subject to their curse. I look forward to James' research to learn more about the Romani traditions, and what influenced John's formative years. -Joan
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
  |
Oooh, I was so excited to see your name in my message box! You're back and feeling well enough to write a whole new chapter that changes the direction of the storyline. I liked your device of including the translation to establish that Adrian was descended from gypsy people and subject to their curse. I look forward to James' research to learn more about the Romani traditions, and what influenced John's formative years. -Joan
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
-
The Romani people are probably the most misunderstood people I have ever run across. They are very private, seldom talk about their culture other than between themselves. Their laws are quite strict and not written down but passed on from generation to generation. For a Romani to break the rules is very, very serious and not taken lightly by the clan. They never discuss spells or curses with outsiders and this is something that will play a big role in this story. They are actually quite gentle, family oriented, and highly respect women. Lucian has created a perverted form of Romani out of anger for being judged so harshly by the clan. Many Romani are Christian yet stay clear of the gaje--outsiders. I plan to show how grandmother tries to adjust to being in a world of gaje having been raised as Romani. The effect of this will not be seen until the end of the book but I think the readers will be pleased with it. Lucian and Adrian were evil men using their culture in a perverted form for obtaining what they wanted no matter how they got it. John was subjected to this during his formative years and clearly has suffered the negative effects of such a horrid upbringing. I am pleased you like this addition and hope you continue to follow the story.
-
Thank you very much for educating us about the Romani people, in addition to adding a fascinating subplot to your story. I could not think of forgoing your tale's new twists and turns. So good to have you posting again. Hugs- Joan
Comment from fictionwriter
Interesting twist in the story. Why did you want to bring this in? Just my curiousity. Well done. Did find some nits for you to look at.
He blamed his gaje wife for ruining his life (and) left her in Europe before moving to the United States.
no older than four and I(who is this I? I thought Lucian raised her to become his wife, not his son's) named her Luminita, Little Light. He was strict, taught her to be a good Romani woman and when she was eleven or twelve she gave birth to my(whose son? and whose wife is she?) son, Adrian Propescu,
Within a few minutes(,) we were far enough away that I
By then(,) we would be gone and she would
Eventually he wore her down(,) and she began
After reading the first three pages(,) I wasn't sure if I
Tomorrow(,) I
I knew very little about the Romani people(,) but I was sure
surrounded by spirits good and bad(,) and the use of charms and spells
keep a balance and protect them from harm and bring them luck.( it would read smoother like this, keep a balance, protect the from harm, and bring them luck.)
When two Romani's love each other(,) it is not uncommon for them to run away and
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
 |
Interesting twist in the story. Why did you want to bring this in? Just my curiousity. Well done. Did find some nits for you to look at.
He blamed his gaje wife for ruining his life (and) left her in Europe before moving to the United States.
no older than four and I(who is this I? I thought Lucian raised her to become his wife, not his son's) named her Luminita, Little Light. He was strict, taught her to be a good Romani woman and when she was eleven or twelve she gave birth to my(whose son? and whose wife is she?) son, Adrian Propescu,
Within a few minutes(,) we were far enough away that I
By then(,) we would be gone and she would
Eventually he wore her down(,) and she began
After reading the first three pages(,) I wasn't sure if I
Tomorrow(,) I
I knew very little about the Romani people(,) but I was sure
surrounded by spirits good and bad(,) and the use of charms and spells
keep a balance and protect them from harm and bring them luck.( it would read smoother like this, keep a balance, protect the from harm, and bring them luck.)
When two Romani's love each other(,) it is not uncommon for them to run away and
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
-
The journal is written by James's grandfather, Adrian...all I's refer to him. Thanks so much for catching the spags. As you can tell, I am terrible about when to use commas. Thanks for catching the glitch...yes Liminita is Adrian's mother and the wife of Lucian...I fixed that. It is not apparent now, but all this will play into the resolution to the story.
Comment from Realist101
Fascinating! Just so interesting Sasha. What rich family history this is. I hope this will be a book that I can hold soon. And I found no spags? So, good job! Of course, you know I'm not the best with apostrophes...etc. That journal is intriguing...and I can't believe they just buried the girl and baby. That alone is a story in itself. I hope you're feeling better too! LOVE, and hugs!! Susan
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
|
Fascinating! Just so interesting Sasha. What rich family history this is. I hope this will be a book that I can hold soon. And I found no spags? So, good job! Of course, you know I'm not the best with apostrophes...etc. That journal is intriguing...and I can't believe they just buried the girl and baby. That alone is a story in itself. I hope you're feeling better too! LOVE, and hugs!! Susan
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
-
Lucian and Adrian were evil men and raised James's father to follow in their footsteps. I am glad you enjoyed this one. Updating all the following chapters has kept me quite busy.
-
I'll really try to keep up Sasha. This was so interesting. HOW awful tho! I hope you're feeling better! Love, Susan
Comment from c_lucas
It is good to see you back, adding more chapters to "The Heir Apparent." This chapter is well written wirh an interesting flos of words. The Sixer is for all the hard work you have placed into your work.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
 |
It is good to see you back, adding more chapters to "The Heir Apparent." This chapter is well written wirh an interesting flos of words. The Sixer is for all the hard work you have placed into your work.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
-
Bless you. I never realized how fascinating the history of Romanis was. There is a lot they won't talk about which makes research even more difficult. So pleased you liked it. Thanks for the great 6 stars.
-
You're welcome, Sasha. Sometime you get better results on the third or fourth page. Charlie
Comment from Alaskastory
'A Lesson in Romani' is a fascinating revision. Surely you've found that leaving a manuscript rest for a while inspires editing and rewriting. You are adding truly refined material, Sasha.
add word: 'Lucian raised me (to) be a strict believer...
need and? 'Adrian's descriptions were distorted (and) perverted.
apostrophy or replace with 'natural': 'They know about nature(')s cures found in the woods...
So glad to read more of 'The Heir Apparent' novel! Marie
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
|
'A Lesson in Romani' is a fascinating revision. Surely you've found that leaving a manuscript rest for a while inspires editing and rewriting. You are adding truly refined material, Sasha.
add word: 'Lucian raised me (to) be a strict believer...
need and? 'Adrian's descriptions were distorted (and) perverted.
apostrophy or replace with 'natural': 'They know about nature(')s cures found in the woods...
So glad to read more of 'The Heir Apparent' novel! Marie
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
-
Being sick has given me plenty of time to go over the manuscript and you are right, letting it rest a while does inspire editing and revisions. Thanks for catching the spags.
Comment from adewpearl
When you capitalize Romani's - don't use an apostrophe - Romanis
Valerie, I remember this chapter from before but not enough to remember what significant changes you have made. What has changed? Sorry, I've been teaching classes all week and my mind is on overload. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
|
When you capitalize Romani's - don't use an apostrophe - Romanis
Valerie, I remember this chapter from before but not enough to remember what significant changes you have made. What has changed? Sorry, I've been teaching classes all week and my mind is on overload. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
-
The journal includes James's grandfather and great-grandfather. I also added more information about why the great-grandfather kidnapped the girls and what part the grandfather played in them. I also provided a little more information on Romanis and how the great-grandfather and grandfather tried to create their own clan using only the laws they wanted to use and ignoring the others.
