The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "The Deposition Part 1"A family learns their father is a serial killer
24 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Sasha,
This is an exciting chapter and I didn't miss a word. I felt so sorry for Alfina as I read your words. I don't blame her for being scared there are so many things that are foreign to her. Did I miss something? I don't know who the girl is that was in the cabin screaming or why she was screaming when the cabin had been cleaned after the murder. Oh dear, you are going to make me wait for the next chapter aren't you? I didn't notice the repetition and you have done a stellar job in writing this chapter. I hope all is okay and am glad you took the time to post. Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Hi Sasha,
This is an exciting chapter and I didn't miss a word. I felt so sorry for Alfina as I read your words. I don't blame her for being scared there are so many things that are foreign to her. Did I miss something? I don't know who the girl is that was in the cabin screaming or why she was screaming when the cabin had been cleaned after the murder. Oh dear, you are going to make me wait for the next chapter aren't you? I didn't notice the repetition and you have done a stellar job in writing this chapter. I hope all is okay and am glad you took the time to post. Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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The girl screaming is Marie Anne, Angela's granddaughter and the former babysitter of James, Charlie and Susan. She disappeared 5 years ago. Although John Williams was questioned by the police, he told them he dropped her off and never saw her again. Obviously he is lying. James found her body when he went to the cabin. Hope that helps clear things up.
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Yes, that does clear it up. I remember Marie Anne now!
Comment from Readywriter52
Dark controlled Alfina all her life. After reading the chapter it became apparent why she didn't understand so many things. She never learned English or how to read. She wasn't really a wife. She was a slave who cleaned his house, tended the garden, and bore his child. I couldn't imagine living her life.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Dark controlled Alfina all her life. After reading the chapter it became apparent why she didn't understand so many things. She never learned English or how to read. She wasn't really a wife. She was a slave who cleaned his house, tended the garden, and bore his child. I couldn't imagine living her life.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Yes, she was a slave with no contact with the outside world. It's a wonder she is doing as well as she is. Glad you liked this chapter.
Comment from Cranial Thinker
This must be so very difficult for Alfina3 to recount the memories as fresh as the day all that happened and the paralizing fear still very real and extremely vivid in her mind....This brought tears to my eyes feeling her pain at experiencing all the horrid things in her life,seeing all she really wanted was to be loved,respected and given the privilege to raise her son and show him the love he truly deserved to receive,my mind thinking she believes she might have prevented all of this from ever happening,so very sad and very emotionally draining....So very well written,my friend....Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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This must be so very difficult for Alfina3 to recount the memories as fresh as the day all that happened and the paralizing fear still very real and extremely vivid in her mind....This brought tears to my eyes feeling her pain at experiencing all the horrid things in her life,seeing all she really wanted was to be loved,respected and given the privilege to raise her son and show him the love he truly deserved to receive,my mind thinking she believes she might have prevented all of this from ever happening,so very sad and very emotionally draining....So very well written,my friend....Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you very much. Yes, Alfina was not given the chance to be a mother to her son and feels tremendous guilt. Thank you for the awesome 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Poor grandma being interrigated...
so upsetting and confusing for
her, but she's piecing it all
together.
hesitated for a momen(t) then
Alfina(,) do you know - add comma
Alfina[,] nodded - lose comma
Dark tell me[,](;) I run to hide in - semi-colon
A great chapter, Sasha.
Margaret
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Poor grandma being interrigated...
so upsetting and confusing for
her, but she's piecing it all
together.
hesitated for a momen(t) then
Alfina(,) do you know - add comma
Alfina[,] nodded - lose comma
Dark tell me[,](;) I run to hide in - semi-colon
A great chapter, Sasha.
Margaret
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Yes, it is so difficult for Alfina to communicate all that she has endured. Thanks for catching the spags. I am pleased you liked this chapter.
I am scheduled for surgery next Thursday and am just going in every day for tests so I should be able to post a chapter or two or more in the next week.
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I'm thinking of you, my friend. Margaret
Comment from rtobaygo
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT CHAPTER. YOUR DIALOGUE FOR AFINIA THREE WAS SUPERB.. HER TELLING WHAT SEE KNEW GAVE THE READER DETAILED INSIGHT TO THE EVENTS THAT OCCURRED THAT FATEFUL DAY.
DIDN'T NOTICE ANY SPAGS, METAPHORS OR CLICHES, AND YOUR SENTENCE STRUCTURE WAS GOOD.YOUR TELLING WAS SO GOOD THAT IT SEEMED LIKE SHOWING.
TAKE CARE,
RAY
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT CHAPTER. YOUR DIALOGUE FOR AFINIA THREE WAS SUPERB.. HER TELLING WHAT SEE KNEW GAVE THE READER DETAILED INSIGHT TO THE EVENTS THAT OCCURRED THAT FATEFUL DAY.
DIDN'T NOTICE ANY SPAGS, METAPHORS OR CLICHES, AND YOUR SENTENCE STRUCTURE WAS GOOD.YOUR TELLING WAS SO GOOD THAT IT SEEMED LIKE SHOWING.
TAKE CARE,
RAY
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much for your glowing review. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from adewpearl
Dad had already manipulated the system, and - add comma
typo - hesitated for a MOMEN
Alfina, nodded - drop the comma
I knew my explanation was oversimplified, but - I added the comma and made oversimplified one word
He was my father, but - add comma
What a chilling story of her horrific life. It is hard to fathom the capacity of some humans to be cruel. Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Dad had already manipulated the system, and - add comma
typo - hesitated for a MOMEN
Alfina, nodded - drop the comma
I knew my explanation was oversimplified, but - I added the comma and made oversimplified one word
He was my father, but - add comma
What a chilling story of her horrific life. It is hard to fathom the capacity of some humans to be cruel. Brooke
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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As usual, thanks for catching the spags. I am so pleased you liked this one.
Comment from Gungalo
Smurph, this was good. I'm sorry I didn't come into it sooner. Now I'll just have to settle for what comes next but I think I can do that. Sigh. Awesome girl.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Smurph, this was good. I'm sorry I didn't come into it sooner. Now I'll just have to settle for what comes next but I think I can do that. Sigh. Awesome girl.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thanks for reading. I am pleased that despite not having read the previous chapters, you still found this interesting.
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Maybe it's fate or destiny or something!! LLO, It's very good girl.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
A fabulous new chapter. The outstanding part being Alfina's wonderful dialogue.
I know you are undergoing surgery soon? My thoughts are with you my dear friend.
Ron
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Hi Smurphy
A fabulous new chapter. The outstanding part being Alfina's wonderful dialogue.
I know you are undergoing surgery soon? My thoughts are with you my dear friend.
Ron
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Yes, I am scheduled for surgery next Thursday. I am just going in for lots and lots of tests now which limits my time for writing. I will do just fine. Glad you like this chapter and Alfina's dialogue. It was a hard chapter to write.
Comment from Halfree
Well...welll. This chapter is well written and the dialogue quite good. The story moves along smoothly and I began to get a real feeling for Alfina. Tension builds rather nicely.
The story moves with just the right pace. Good work Smurp.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Well...welll. This chapter is well written and the dialogue quite good. The story moves along smoothly and I began to get a real feeling for Alfina. Tension builds rather nicely.
The story moves with just the right pace. Good work Smurp.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you very much. I value your opinion and am pleased you liked this story.
Comment from Deejharrington
What a terrific job you did in writing this dialog. The reader's heart goes out to Alfina. Though we know her history, to hear her tell it makes it more real and horrid. You understand what kind of existence she endured.
Don't worry about posting, we'll wait. Take care of yourself and feel better.
deb
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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What a terrific job you did in writing this dialog. The reader's heart goes out to Alfina. Though we know her history, to hear her tell it makes it more real and horrid. You understand what kind of existence she endured.
Don't worry about posting, we'll wait. Take care of yourself and feel better.
deb
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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I am so pleased you liked this one. I was concerned about the chance that it was too repetitious of previous chapters. Alfina's dialogue was a real challenge for me. My surgery was finally scheduled for next Thursday and now I am just going in everyday for tests. I should be able to post a chapter or two before the surgery.
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They keep you sitting around waiting long enough! I'd hate that.
deb