The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Grandmother Tells a Joke"A family learns their father is a serial killer
20 total reviews
Comment from elgone
I've red a previous part of this story. It's intriguing because it is bizarre yet believable.
Only one thing I saw which is minor:
Detective Mac is currently trying - Either add a new line before this or delete the one that is already there. The spacing is wrong on the page.
E
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012
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I've red a previous part of this story. It's intriguing because it is bizarre yet believable.
Only one thing I saw which is minor:
Detective Mac is currently trying - Either add a new line before this or delete the one that is already there. The spacing is wrong on the page.
E
Comment Written 15-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012
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I will check out that sentence. Thanks for pointing it out. I am pleased you like this story.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
9 paragraph from end: Alfina' [s] cheeks turn[ed] bright crimson.
You handled this emotional turning point with skill. The characters at this point are becoming most likeable, (even Charlie.) Giddy
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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9 paragraph from end: Alfina' [s] cheeks turn[ed] bright crimson.
You handled this emotional turning point with skill. The characters at this point are becoming most likeable, (even Charlie.) Giddy
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Thanks so much for the awesome 6 stars. This was a difficult chapter to write. So much emotion. Glad you liked it.
Comment from Janie King
Now we are down to the father finding out his mother is alive and knows, saw him kill the girl and knows he killed his father...oh dear. This should get wild. God bless.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Now we are down to the father finding out his mother is alive and knows, saw him kill the girl and knows he killed his father...oh dear. This should get wild. God bless.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Yes, it should be a wild chapter. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Alaskastory
'Grandmother Tells a Joke' is a chapter that gives this sad story a touch of optimism in a clever way.
The mother-sister would be 3 not 8 in 1948 by this: 'Alfina 2 gave birth to a baby girl on June 21, 1945. FOLLOWED BY: '...1948 gave birth to a boy, named Alexandru Propescu, but he and his mother died a few hours after he was born. Dark decided to use the girl child that was now eight years old..'
Really good read, Sasha
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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'Grandmother Tells a Joke' is a chapter that gives this sad story a touch of optimism in a clever way.
The mother-sister would be 3 not 8 in 1948 by this: 'Alfina 2 gave birth to a baby girl on June 21, 1945. FOLLOWED BY: '...1948 gave birth to a boy, named Alexandru Propescu, but he and his mother died a few hours after he was born. Dark decided to use the girl child that was now eight years old..'
Really good read, Sasha
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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I corrected that error. Yes, Alfina 3 was only 3 in 1948. Thanks for pointing that out. I am pleased you liked this chapter.
Comment from Deejharrington
What a touching and loving scene, for once, in this family's history. I was worried they would be unable to open their hearts to their grandmother. But, the happy family will be short lived, as James is fore-seeing. I hope the Dr. will be able to help them through the ordeal of the trial.
deb
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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What a touching and loving scene, for once, in this family's history. I was worried they would be unable to open their hearts to their grandmother. But, the happy family will be short lived, as James is fore-seeing. I hope the Dr. will be able to help them through the ordeal of the trial.
deb
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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I am pleased you liked this one. Yes, there are still troubles ahead.
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my pleasure
deb
I just found out the person who wrote that nasty review has never written a thing! No fans, nothing. Why would you join a writing site and not create a thing????
deb
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha. I like the way you describe the meeting. Alfina the grandma is so lovable! No wonder the family can accept her. This is an interesting chapter. I would have clapped with the crowd and laughed out loud hearing Alfina's joke about Humpty Dumpty!
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Hi, Sasha. I like the way you describe the meeting. Alfina the grandma is so lovable! No wonder the family can accept her. This is an interesting chapter. I would have clapped with the crowd and laughed out loud hearing Alfina's joke about Humpty Dumpty!
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much. I did have fun with this chapter.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Wow!
You continue to amaze me with this story.
It is very moving.
Wonderful dialogue.
Wonderful descriptions.
So interesting.
And tragic but with humor woven throughout to lift it up a little so it doesn't get too dense and too too heavy
Great job
Katie
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Wow!
You continue to amaze me with this story.
It is very moving.
Wonderful dialogue.
Wonderful descriptions.
So interesting.
And tragic but with humor woven throughout to lift it up a little so it doesn't get too dense and too too heavy
Great job
Katie
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Isn't Alfina just the sweetest thing in the world? glad you liked this one.
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Yes, so sweet. :0
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is wonderful.
Aware of the tension in the room, Dr. Williams continued. (comma after continued)
Dr. Williams stared at all of us before continuing. (again a comma, but you also have a spacing issue. His dialogue should be close to this continuing)
Your grandfather was mentally deranged. *you're missing the beginning quotation marks)
Dark kidnapped the second child in 1940 and it is assumede she was about eight years old. (ASSUMED)
Dark decided to use the girl child that was now eight years old as the mother of his next child. (the girl child who)
"Alfina has no memory of her real family. (why would she, she never had any real family, her mother died in child birth and Dark raised her.)
I ask that you take all this into consideration when decideding whether to include Alfina into your family." (DECIDING)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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This is wonderful.
Aware of the tension in the room, Dr. Williams continued. (comma after continued)
Dr. Williams stared at all of us before continuing. (again a comma, but you also have a spacing issue. His dialogue should be close to this continuing)
Your grandfather was mentally deranged. *you're missing the beginning quotation marks)
Dark kidnapped the second child in 1940 and it is assumede she was about eight years old. (ASSUMED)
Dark decided to use the girl child that was now eight years old as the mother of his next child. (the girl child who)
"Alfina has no memory of her real family. (why would she, she never had any real family, her mother died in child birth and Dark raised her.)
I ask that you take all this into consideration when decideding whether to include Alfina into your family." (DECIDING)
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching ALL the spags. I will go back over this one and fix them.
Comment from c_lucas
To one who had been force to go without an education, even the smallest advacement is a good thing. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
decideding =deciding
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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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To one who had been force to go without an education, even the smallest advacement is a good thing. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
decideding =deciding
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am pleased you liked this one.
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You are welcome. I like this latest revision of your story.
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me too.
Comment from adewpearl
Anxious to go home, she sat - add comma
excellent description of Susan
However, I personally encourage - add comma
Mom was surprised, smiling - add comma
Angela, you are - add comma
Alfina, you are - add comma
it is ASSUMEDE she was about eight years old - mistype
Alexandru Propescu, but he and his mother - add comma
and learned Romani, a not well - add comma
when DECIDEDING whether to include Alfina - mistype
Well, you made me cry again as everyone accepts Alfina
I just love Alfina's joke!!
A sobering last paragraph after that moment of warmth and levity... Brooke :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Anxious to go home, she sat - add comma
excellent description of Susan
However, I personally encourage - add comma
Mom was surprised, smiling - add comma
Angela, you are - add comma
Alfina, you are - add comma
it is ASSUMEDE she was about eight years old - mistype
Alexandru Propescu, but he and his mother - add comma
and learned Romani, a not well - add comma
when DECIDEDING whether to include Alfina - mistype
Well, you made me cry again as everyone accepts Alfina
I just love Alfina's joke!!
A sobering last paragraph after that moment of warmth and levity... Brooke :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Alfina is definitely a sweetheart. Sorry about the sobering ending but there are still a few tribulations ahead.
