The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Time to Talk to Grandmother"A family learns their father is a serial killer
21 total reviews
Comment from Deejharrington
Grandmother certainly turned out to be stronger and saner than expected. I think they will have a hard time proving she is incompetent. James has more pieces to the puzzle of his family history. I just hope the rest will be as accepting. Great chapter.
deb
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Grandmother certainly turned out to be stronger and saner than expected. I think they will have a hard time proving she is incompetent. James has more pieces to the puzzle of his family history. I just hope the rest will be as accepting. Great chapter.
deb
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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At this point it is hard to say how his family will act when they learn about Alfina and the news that Dad may face the death penalty. Glad you liked this chapter.
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It will be hard, no matter what happens. James can't "win" either way.
deb
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Yes, it is certainly damned if you do, and damned if you don't situation for him.
Comment from RebelRose
Well,that seemed to have gone better than James had anticipated. This is a very good chapter that cleared things up considerably.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Well,that seemed to have gone better than James had anticipated. This is a very good chapter that cleared things up considerably.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thank you, I am pleased you liked this chapter.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
I see your book has reached chapter 42 already - you have accomplished this in such a short time.
This episode has James displaying a really nice side.
As usual - a fine read.
Ron
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Hi Smurphy
I see your book has reached chapter 42 already - you have accomplished this in such a short time.
This episode has James displaying a really nice side.
As usual - a fine read.
Ron
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thanks, I am pleased you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from mmayen
James is really a wonderful character. I'm wondering why John never looked for his mother or sister. Angela is kind. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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James is really a wonderful character. I'm wondering why John never looked for his mother or sister. Angela is kind. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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John was raised to be cruel. He had no concern for anyone but himself. He was a mean and controlling man.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha, it relieves me to know that Alfina was innocent! I like how you refer the years by reference to the planting season. And James proves himself so wonderful (and human) in this chapter. The way all interact with each other is excellent!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Hi, Sasha, it relieves me to know that Alfina was innocent! I like how you refer the years by reference to the planting season. And James proves himself so wonderful (and human) in this chapter. The way all interact with each other is excellent!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I am so pleased you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Paragraph 10: I know it (is) [has] only
12 paragraphs from end... watchin[g]
I really admire the way you have constructed the relationships between these characters. It is complicated, but always intriguing, drawing the reader in. Giddy
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Paragraph 10: I know it (is) [has] only
12 paragraphs from end... watchin[g]
I really admire the way you have constructed the relationships between these characters. It is complicated, but always intriguing, drawing the reader in. Giddy
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. Yes, this is confusing. I just added the character list for reference...forgot to do it earlier.
Comment from c_lucas
One misunderstanding has been cleared up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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One misunderstanding has been cleared up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Thanks. I am pleased you liked this one.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:
I am updating Marilyn's review. I agree with all her comments, but wanted to add:
1. I pushed [passed ==> past] the fear telling me to run away and forced myself to smile. â??Hello, Grandmother, how are you feeling today?â??{More confusion with passed/past. Google: 'grammar; passed/past' for an explaination of this common error.}
2. â??Well Darkâ??s rules are different than real laws. Laws are rules that all the people must obey. There are laws against stealing, or taking something that does not belong to you. There are laws against hurting someone. Many things Dark did may have been his rules but he was breaking the law. When he hurt you, he was breaking the law. When he told you he wanted to kidnap another child that was breaking the law. Do you understand what I am saying?â??
[This is a wonderful paragraph. It is like teaching a little child.]
3. Grandmotherâ??s bottom lip began to quiver. She pulled her knees up to her chest. â??I be sorry. I no want to lie, but the policeman made me afeard. I afear to tell them too much.â?? So Grandmother has a satisfactory explanation for her lie.]
4. â??It be a long time since Dark allow me to speak English. I afeard and scared. I know if I tell police I know Alexandru killed Dark, he would come after me. I afeard he hurt me. I no not until I talk to Angela, Alexandru be in jail and no can hurt me. James, I sorry I lie, I just scared.â?? {Now it appears certain that Grandmother is sane with a good story.}
5. Grandmother looked at Angela and in a voice shaking with shame said, â??I afeard of him. I can no stop him. I want to help, I really do, but Alexandru kill me too if he know I be watching.â??
Grandmother paused a few seconds and then continued. â??Alexandru planted that poor girl in the rose garden. I pant yellow rose so the child know someone care she be there. I no even know her name until yesterday.â?? {Now more about Marie Anne's death that appears to clear Grandmother of any blame and also explains the yellow rose bush that marked her grave.}
6. â??Was that the first time Dad brought someone to the cabin?â??
â??Da. That be the only time he come back after killing Dark.â??
â??When was that, do you remember?â??
Grandmother closed her eyes for a few seconds to think. â??Dark die when the snow begin to melt. So it be near the time of planting Alexandru bring poor young girl to the cabin.â??
went missing in May 2006 so that meant Dark died around February 2006. The snow lasted through the middle of February. I planned to double check the weather reports, but I distinctly remember it snowing until mid February 2006. {This is a full account of Marie Anne's death and should be sufficient for Grandmother's testimony against Dad. This is much more information than James, Mac or Mr. Hurley could have expected.}
I think this is the most powerful chapter yet. More love and Irish Hugs!
Roger
Another outstanding chapter, Valerie. Your story continues to build up suspense. I don't know what people are talking about when they said one of your chapters (not this one) was slow. You build character development and conflict all the way. The characters of Alfina and Angela are so well done and believable, and James has always been believable. I have never seen anyone else on this site get into character emotion as well as you do. The only thing I noticed: fatal position should be fetal position. Marilyn
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Hi Valerie:
I am updating Marilyn's review. I agree with all her comments, but wanted to add:
1. I pushed [passed ==> past] the fear telling me to run away and forced myself to smile. â??Hello, Grandmother, how are you feeling today?â??{More confusion with passed/past. Google: 'grammar; passed/past' for an explaination of this common error.}
2. â??Well Darkâ??s rules are different than real laws. Laws are rules that all the people must obey. There are laws against stealing, or taking something that does not belong to you. There are laws against hurting someone. Many things Dark did may have been his rules but he was breaking the law. When he hurt you, he was breaking the law. When he told you he wanted to kidnap another child that was breaking the law. Do you understand what I am saying?â??
[This is a wonderful paragraph. It is like teaching a little child.]
3. Grandmotherâ??s bottom lip began to quiver. She pulled her knees up to her chest. â??I be sorry. I no want to lie, but the policeman made me afeard. I afear to tell them too much.â?? So Grandmother has a satisfactory explanation for her lie.]
4. â??It be a long time since Dark allow me to speak English. I afeard and scared. I know if I tell police I know Alexandru killed Dark, he would come after me. I afeard he hurt me. I no not until I talk to Angela, Alexandru be in jail and no can hurt me. James, I sorry I lie, I just scared.â?? {Now it appears certain that Grandmother is sane with a good story.}
5. Grandmother looked at Angela and in a voice shaking with shame said, â??I afeard of him. I can no stop him. I want to help, I really do, but Alexandru kill me too if he know I be watching.â??
Grandmother paused a few seconds and then continued. â??Alexandru planted that poor girl in the rose garden. I pant yellow rose so the child know someone care she be there. I no even know her name until yesterday.â?? {Now more about Marie Anne's death that appears to clear Grandmother of any blame and also explains the yellow rose bush that marked her grave.}
6. â??Was that the first time Dad brought someone to the cabin?â??
â??Da. That be the only time he come back after killing Dark.â??
â??When was that, do you remember?â??
Grandmother closed her eyes for a few seconds to think. â??Dark die when the snow begin to melt. So it be near the time of planting Alexandru bring poor young girl to the cabin.â??
went missing in May 2006 so that meant Dark died around February 2006. The snow lasted through the middle of February. I planned to double check the weather reports, but I distinctly remember it snowing until mid February 2006. {This is a full account of Marie Anne's death and should be sufficient for Grandmother's testimony against Dad. This is much more information than James, Mac or Mr. Hurley could have expected.}
I think this is the most powerful chapter yet. More love and Irish Hugs!
Roger
Another outstanding chapter, Valerie. Your story continues to build up suspense. I don't know what people are talking about when they said one of your chapters (not this one) was slow. You build character development and conflict all the way. The characters of Alfina and Angela are so well done and believable, and James has always been believable. I have never seen anyone else on this site get into character emotion as well as you do. The only thing I noticed: fatal position should be fetal position. Marilyn
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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I am thrilled you continue to like this story and that you find the characters believable...that is a real compliment. Your six stars are sincerely appreciated and last but not least, thanks for catching the spag.
Comment from Janie King
Now, the old goat, but then when you think of how he was raised, any way he won't get away with all the things he thinks he's going to. Anxiously waiting for the next chapter. God bless.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Now, the old goat, but then when you think of how he was raised, any way he won't get away with all the things he thinks he's going to. Anxiously waiting for the next chapter. God bless.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Thanks. I am glad you liked this one. Yes, Dad was raised to be a monster.
Comment from Flamingbush
I have to feel bad for James in this story. Everything he has to go through here! I like the way you transition from one character to the next, back and forth in and out of the dialogue.
There look to be a couple spelling mistakes in the first paragraph: "usurer" and "fatal position." I never know. Perhaps the wording is intentional.
You have quite an riveting mystery here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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I have to feel bad for James in this story. Everything he has to go through here! I like the way you transition from one character to the next, back and forth in and out of the dialogue.
There look to be a couple spelling mistakes in the first paragraph: "usurer" and "fatal position." I never know. Perhaps the wording is intentional.
You have quite an riveting mystery here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Hopefully, I just finished correcting them. I am pleased you enjoyed this chapter.