The Kiss
Teenagers in a car24 total reviews
Comment from donette1914
this was so funny! raw hamburger! that sounds so gross, a first kiss, you may never want to kiss a person like this again. thankyou for sharing
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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this was so funny! raw hamburger! that sounds so gross, a first kiss, you may never want to kiss a person like this again. thankyou for sharing
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Thank You , u are to kind.
Comment from Carole Rosa
AMAZING! This is just an incredibly disgusting 100 word story prompt, that is written so very well, with 4 unrelated words. You used great imagination. Good job. Carole
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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AMAZING! This is just an incredibly disgusting 100 word story prompt, that is written so very well, with 4 unrelated words. You used great imagination. Good job. Carole
Comment Written 06-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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thank you so much for a lovely review, this actually made me smile for the first time today
Comment from Late_Bloomer
Really clever way of using the words required. Really funny too and did not expect the end line at all! I wish you all the best in the contest, great work!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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Really clever way of using the words required. Really funny too and did not expect the end line at all! I wish you all the best in the contest, great work!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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thank you so much
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Yes, in our storehouse of memories of "firsts," we have some great ones and some duds. "First kiss" is supposed to be one of the sweetest experiences--not always so. Good job
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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Yes, in our storehouse of memories of "firsts," we have some great ones and some duds. "First kiss" is supposed to be one of the sweetest experiences--not always so. Good job
Comment Written 06-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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thank you very much
Comment from johnabrennan1
JoAnn,
Try this...........
I never had a traditional kiss on the mouth before. Like in the movies, where the man and woman shut their eyes, and keep their eyes closed.
Just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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JoAnn,
Try this...........
I never had a traditional kiss on the mouth before. Like in the movies, where the man and woman shut their eyes, and keep their eyes closed.
Just a suggestion.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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i will fix it, thanks
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Sorry, meant.and keep their mouths closed.................oops
Comment from asheagold
Wow, this is pretty funny. Writing an entire story in one hundred words or less is no easy task but you have handled it well.Great job!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Wow, this is pretty funny. Writing an entire story in one hundred words or less is no easy task but you have handled it well.Great job!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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thank u
Comment from honeydip34
I enjoyed reading this short story. This was simple,yet cute and funny . I could tell that the person is nervous but excited about her first kiss. The best part of the poem was about the kiss tasting like raw hamburger. LOL!!!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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I enjoyed reading this short story. This was simple,yet cute and funny . I could tell that the person is nervous but excited about her first kiss. The best part of the poem was about the kiss tasting like raw hamburger. LOL!!!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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thank you
Comment from Sharrum
I love your 100 word dash story. I think you did an amazing job. I would change the capital L in love to lowercase though. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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I love your 100 word dash story. I think you did an amazing job. I would change the capital L in love to lowercase though. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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thank u i will fix it.
Comment from Ashley Scott
There's nothing more romantic than Hamburger breath beneath the lover's moon...lol. I enjoyed your quick story and thought your build up to the humorous ending worked very well.
I've just one suggestion:
"We've necked before in his orange Z28, but I never had a traditional kiss , flush on the mouth from him before, like in the movies, where the man and woman close their eyes and keep their mouth closed."
Perhaps a slight rephrasing in this sentence would make it a touch smoother:
We've necked before in his orange Z28, but I never had a traditional, flush-on-the-mouth kiss from him before, like in the movies, where the man and woman close their eyes and keep their mouth closed.
Ash
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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There's nothing more romantic than Hamburger breath beneath the lover's moon...lol. I enjoyed your quick story and thought your build up to the humorous ending worked very well.
I've just one suggestion:
"We've necked before in his orange Z28, but I never had a traditional kiss , flush on the mouth from him before, like in the movies, where the man and woman close their eyes and keep their mouth closed."
Perhaps a slight rephrasing in this sentence would make it a touch smoother:
We've necked before in his orange Z28, but I never had a traditional, flush-on-the-mouth kiss from him before, like in the movies, where the man and woman close their eyes and keep their mouth closed.
Ash
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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thank u the suggestion is being taken into consideration
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
Poor girl hahaha. I really hope this wasn't based on personal experience. As far as the contest rules go, I think you managed it. Good job, and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Poor girl hahaha. I really hope this wasn't based on personal experience. As far as the contest rules go, I think you managed it. Good job, and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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it wasnt, but i could always say it was thank u