Comment from rtobaygo

Excellent

FLOWED SMOOTHLY, DIALOGUE VERY CRISP AND REALISTIC. NARRATIVE PORTION OF THE CHAPTER EXCELLENT. SCENE CONSTRUCTION GOOD, WITH GOOD HOOK AT THE END FOR THE READER WANTING TO TURN TO THE NEXT CHAPTER TO SEE IF THE GRANDMOTHER WAS LYING, AND IF SO, WHY?

GOOD JOB. SIXES USED FOR THE MONTH, HENCE THE FIVE.

TAKE CARE,

RAY

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012

Thanks. I am so pleased you liked this chapter.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Susan is very angry with your father, but - add comma
She hates what he did, but - add comma
I just finished talking to the medical examiner, and - add comma
Ah, more complications - nothing in this unraveling of events is without its complications... Brooke

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012

Thanks for catching the spags. Yes, more complications.

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Smurph,

This is a short chapter and leaves me wanting more. I know you haven't[t been feeling well which the reason for the brevity. It seems Mac has discovered something that won't help the case against James' father. However, I think he will be put away for good based on what they do know about him. As usual I can't wait to see what happens next....blessings, chey

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012

Yes, it is a short chapter. I intentionally made it short because the next one is going to be quite long.

reply by cheyennewy on 03-Apr-2012

Goodie!

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

The law is sometimes too strait-laced for its own good. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.


Alpine's (Alfina's)story doesn't match his findings.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012

Thanks for catching the spag. I am glad you are still interested in this story.

reply by c_lucas on 03-Apr-2012

You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie

Comment from Axiom Gray

Good

Uh oh! This was an interesting chapter. I like how the chapter encourages the reader to read on to find out what happens next. Well done. Thanks for sharing.

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 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012

Thanks. Just when you think things are starting to work out....another problem pops up.

Comment from Larissa B

Excellent

Nice flow and natural dialogue. The surprising twist is very effective and plausible in the light of crime and investigation... makes the story even more intruiging ... the reader now can't wait for the next chapter, even though she came in the middle of the story! lol!!!

blaze

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012

Thank you. Just when you think things are starting to work out....another problem pops up.

Comment from Deejharrington

Excellent

Just when the whole family history of pain and death looks like its going to see the light of day, grandma's story appears to have some very big holes in it. Will the truth every really come out? James is going to have to wait for more information to fit the whole puzzle together.

How are you feeling? Anything new?
deb

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012

Poor James. He is due for his breakdown. I am doing great.

reply by Deejharrington on 02-Apr-2012

Like they say, ignorance is bliss.
He's too smart for his own good.
Glad to hear your doing fine.
deb

Comment from Janie King

Excellent

Holy Moses, I wait all day to find out another nightmare is about to blossom...this is a very complex situation to say the least..we move on. God bless.

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 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012

Just when you think things are starting to work out....up pops another missing piece of the puzzle.