The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Mom's in the Hospital"A family learns their father is a serial killer
20 total reviews
Comment from Cranial Thinker
Wow!!!! now this is really going wierd,sounding like the notes of a real crazy person ploting to kidnap little girls
and hold them until they become old enough to bare children,
calling them his wife;man this sounds so creepy its making
my flesh crawl and my heart beat faster then normal....My
subconscous mind visualizing a man just wanting a woman he
can totally control with out question,making his will absolute over her....This is getting so much better and I
thought it could not....I am so enjoying this my friend....Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Wow!!!! now this is really going wierd,sounding like the notes of a real crazy person ploting to kidnap little girls
and hold them until they become old enough to bare children,
calling them his wife;man this sounds so creepy its making
my flesh crawl and my heart beat faster then normal....My
subconscous mind visualizing a man just wanting a woman he
can totally control with out question,making his will absolute over her....This is getting so much better and I
thought it could not....I am so enjoying this my friend....Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Sorry it's creeping you out but i am so pleased you are still enjoying this.
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LMBO!!!!
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Thank you for this new translation, I feel like I understand the relationships better than before.I wish FanStory would let me give you six stars.
I am happy to see that you are working on the book again. I hope your health is improving. Marilyn and I both think about you all the time.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
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Hi Valerie:)
James is becoming a stranger to his own family in his search for the truth. He is lucky to have Mr. Hurley to protect him, perhaps even from himself. Now Mom is protected as well. As long as she is withdrawn into her subconscious, Mr. Hurley will keep her hospitalized and beyond the reach of the law.
Now James has set out to learn the darkest secrets of his father's heritage. Will he learn secrets that would best remain hidden from James and the world? i have only a couple of specific comments:
1. "No, James, you need to [say ==> stay} here. Dr. Drake won't be evaluating her until tomorrow. {A typo?}
2. None of this helped me understand the journal. I took a deep breath, settled in and began studying the language. By the time the library closed, I was able to translate the first three pages of the journal. [a strange paradox in my life is that I easily mastered most of the eccentricities of English, but I have no talent for learning new languages. From the first time I net Marilyn I was amazed with her linguistic abilities. i once told a friend that I could imagine Marilyn sitting at a dinner table with a group of people who spoke only a totally foreign language. I said, and meant it, that before the meal was over, she would join the conversation and understand every nuance.]
I think this is as far as I got in your original manuscript and I have been waiting all these months to learn more about the dark forces that drove his dad toward the despicable acts that now label Dad as, 'The Belltown Killer.' is James ready to find out more? Will we ever know for certain what sets the forces of darkness in motion/ I want to understand...
Love and Irish Hugs to replenish your energy as you complete this fascinating story.
Roger
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Thank you for this new translation, I feel like I understand the relationships better than before.I wish FanStory would let me give you six stars.
I am happy to see that you are working on the book again. I hope your health is improving. Marilyn and I both think about you all the time.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
******************************
Hi Valerie:)
James is becoming a stranger to his own family in his search for the truth. He is lucky to have Mr. Hurley to protect him, perhaps even from himself. Now Mom is protected as well. As long as she is withdrawn into her subconscious, Mr. Hurley will keep her hospitalized and beyond the reach of the law.
Now James has set out to learn the darkest secrets of his father's heritage. Will he learn secrets that would best remain hidden from James and the world? i have only a couple of specific comments:
1. "No, James, you need to [say ==> stay} here. Dr. Drake won't be evaluating her until tomorrow. {A typo?}
2. None of this helped me understand the journal. I took a deep breath, settled in and began studying the language. By the time the library closed, I was able to translate the first three pages of the journal. [a strange paradox in my life is that I easily mastered most of the eccentricities of English, but I have no talent for learning new languages. From the first time I net Marilyn I was amazed with her linguistic abilities. i once told a friend that I could imagine Marilyn sitting at a dinner table with a group of people who spoke only a totally foreign language. I said, and meant it, that before the meal was over, she would join the conversation and understand every nuance.]
I think this is as far as I got in your original manuscript and I have been waiting all these months to learn more about the dark forces that drove his dad toward the despicable acts that now label Dad as, 'The Belltown Killer.' is James ready to find out more? Will we ever know for certain what sets the forces of darkness in motion/ I want to understand...
Love and Irish Hugs to replenish your energy as you complete this fascinating story.
Roger
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Marilyn is like my cousin. Languages came quite easy for her. She could speak Spanish, French, Russian and Italian fluently. I will go back over this chapter and fix the mistakes.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
1st paragraph... last line: leave out 'a'
Paragraph 16: Who's 'Uncle Mark'?
7 paragraphs from end: 2nd line mentions 'Uncle Mark.' should it be Uncle Terry?
We only have 2 diary entries... should there be a 3rd?
This part of the story has made me grateful I live in a modern Western country. Giddy
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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1st paragraph... last line: leave out 'a'
Paragraph 16: Who's 'Uncle Mark'?
7 paragraphs from end: 2nd line mentions 'Uncle Mark.' should it be Uncle Terry?
We only have 2 diary entries... should there be a 3rd?
This part of the story has made me grateful I live in a modern Western country. Giddy
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. No there are only 2 entries on the three pages.
Comment from Janie King
not a wise....Holy Moses..so his first wife, which he stole at 6 yr old..making her 14 when she had a baby daughter..it says mother died at birth. Did the baby die too or did he bury a live child..this can't get much more twisted than it is..Oh Lord now I have to wait until tomorrow evening...God bless.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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not a wise....Holy Moses..so his first wife, which he stole at 6 yr old..making her 14 when she had a baby daughter..it says mother died at birth. Did the baby die too or did he bury a live child..this can't get much more twisted than it is..Oh Lord now I have to wait until tomorrow evening...God bless.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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They won't know if she was dead when he buried her or if he killed her until they find the body and do an autopsy. If I were you, I'd think the worst.
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The one thing this book has done, for this story, is to expect the worse..probably his dad taught him to kill because it would mak him a man..anyone that would have a child kill his dog to make him a man is crazy enough to have him kill a human being...if this were real these people would be people that are demon possessed..they would have sold their souls to satan...they are more than saddistic...so he buried his first wife and child on that piece of property? sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. God bless.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha. This is a whole new chapter, right? Hey, I should not always compare chapters with the older version of your story, but can't help it. I notice the date of the second entry of the journal is earlier than the first? Is it intentional? And how old was Alfina when she gave birth?
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Hi, Sasha. This is a whole new chapter, right? Hey, I should not always compare chapters with the older version of your story, but can't help it. I notice the date of the second entry of the journal is earlier than the first? Is it intentional? And how old was Alfina when she gave birth?
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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I fixed the date, it should have been 1950. If she was around 6 when he kidnapped her she was 13 when she gave birth.
Comment from Bill Schott
I'm entering your story at chapter 27. Interesting storyline. I enjoy your peppering cultural quirks into the story to build suspense for what may happen next. Couple of typos. Good stuff.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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I'm entering your story at chapter 27. Interesting storyline. I enjoy your peppering cultural quirks into the story to build suspense for what may happen next. Couple of typos. Good stuff.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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I'll go back over and see what typos I missed. I am pleased you liked this chapter considering you are starting in the middle of the book.
Comment from samandlancelot
Smurphgirl,
This is intense. The journal entries showing the killer's point of view, with the killer's son discovering those details along with the reader, created emotion and heartbreak for the poor young man and his father's victims. Excellent!
Putting her and Susan together was not a (delete 'a') wise.
I burred (buried) them in the woods
Patricia
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Smurphgirl,
This is intense. The journal entries showing the killer's point of view, with the killer's son discovering those details along with the reader, created emotion and heartbreak for the poor young man and his father's victims. Excellent!
Putting her and Susan together was not a (delete 'a') wise.
I burred (buried) them in the woods
Patricia
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much. I am pleased you enjoyed this one.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Again you have WOWed me. This is really good. I have a question about this sentence: I burred them in the woods where no one would find them. Is burred intentional or a mis spelling?
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Again you have WOWed me. This is really good. I have a question about this sentence: I burred them in the woods where no one would find them. Is burred intentional or a mis spelling?
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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It is definitely mispelled...thanks for catching that.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written set up chapter. James is taking on a very difficult task. There is a excellant dialogue making for a good read.
C0nfusion:
"No, Charlie, your mother has been(I'm lost here, wasn't James talking with Mr. Hurley?"
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reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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This is a well written set up chapter. James is taking on a very difficult task. There is a excellant dialogue making for a good read.
C0nfusion:
"No, Charlie, your mother has been(I'm lost here, wasn't James talking with Mr. Hurley?"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Yes. I'll go back and fix that.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from adewpearl
on the verge of a break down - breakdown
what a poignant line when James wishes he could take Susan shopping for shoes
in the linguistics department, but - add comma
in a Gipsy form - Gypsy
Fascinating stuff about the journal... Brooke
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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on the verge of a break down - breakdown
what a poignant line when James wishes he could take Susan shopping for shoes
in the linguistics department, but - add comma
in a Gipsy form - Gypsy
Fascinating stuff about the journal... Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Thanks, as always, for catching the spags. Glad you liked the chapter.