The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Mac Makes a Deal with James"A family learns their father is a serial killer
17 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
Once more I can see the more orderly course of the story since the first draft. Mac is upset that James visited the cabin before any authorities arrived, but he probably speeded up the investigation.
Mac wants to know more about James' paternal grandfather and after much thought, he makes a deal with James to share information. This shows the level of trust that Mac has in the young genius.
it is interesting that James believes that his missing babysitter from three years ago may be another of Dad's victims and was possibly killed at the cabin.
I am ready to learn more. This post is well-written and SPAG-free.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
Once more I can see the more orderly course of the story since the first draft. Mac is upset that James visited the cabin before any authorities arrived, but he probably speeded up the investigation.
Mac wants to know more about James' paternal grandfather and after much thought, he makes a deal with James to share information. This shows the level of trust that Mac has in the young genius.
it is interesting that James believes that his missing babysitter from three years ago may be another of Dad's victims and was possibly killed at the cabin.
I am ready to learn more. This post is well-written and SPAG-free.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 06-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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As always, I am thrilled that you enjoyed this one. I hope to post another tomorrow.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Yes, I like this chapter, especially the emotional bond developing between James and Mac. The case is becoming so involved now with the question of Anne-Marie arising. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. Giddy
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Yes, I like this chapter, especially the emotional bond developing between James and Mac. The case is becoming so involved now with the question of Anne-Marie arising. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. Giddy
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Thanks. I am pleased you like the direction this is taking.
Comment from Janie King
Holy Moses..I was about to send you an s.o.s because the day was passing and I hadn't seen your post..we must get to what momma and Aunt Em know that they aren't telling this is nerve wracking and I have to get some rest (haha) half serious here. God bless.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Holy Moses..I was about to send you an s.o.s because the day was passing and I hadn't seen your post..we must get to what momma and Aunt Em know that they aren't telling this is nerve wracking and I have to get some rest (haha) half serious here. God bless.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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James talks to them tomorrow...hope you can wait.
Comment from RebelRose
I love your descriptions of the people you write about. They are so easy to envision in the mind's eye. Case in point, Detective Reilly. He sounds like quite an odd looking character. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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I love your descriptions of the people you write about. They are so easy to envision in the mind's eye. Case in point, Detective Reilly. He sounds like quite an odd looking character. Great chapter.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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He is a clone of one of the detectives I worked with a few years back. Very odd looking guy.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha. Interesting chapter, as always. I wonder who James means as Barney Fife? A little correction: 'at easy' --> 'at ease' (scene in the coffee shop). I like the relationship between James and Mac, you've described it so well it kind of develop itself as you write...:)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Hi, Sasha. Interesting chapter, as always. I wonder who James means as Barney Fife? A little correction: 'at easy' --> 'at ease' (scene in the coffee shop). I like the relationship between James and Mac, you've described it so well it kind of develop itself as you write...:)
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Barney Fife was a character from a television series from the 50's call Mayberry. He was a slightly incompetent sheriff deputy. I might go back and clarify that in the notes.
Comment from c_lucas
"Hi, James, I've been waiting for your call."
Maybe it's haste, but this post seemed to have more errors in it. I pointed out a few. I gave you the five star because I know you will work on the post.
(Telephone conversation, James couldn't see what Mac was doing.)
"What are you not telling me about Dad?"
Mac set his cup down on the table and leaned but (I) knew he wasn't going
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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"Hi, James, I've been waiting for your call."
Maybe it's haste, but this post seemed to have more errors in it. I pointed out a few. I gave you the five star because I know you will work on the post.
(Telephone conversation, James couldn't see what Mac was doing.)
"What are you not telling me about Dad?"
Mac set his cup down on the table and leaned but (I) knew he wasn't going
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Thanks for pointing out the errors. Yes, I think I need that day of to rest my mind.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from adewpearl
Love the description of Reilly
Stay put, kid - add comma for direct address
I bet if you check you inbox - your
The turf-war - drop the hyphen
before was gone, and in her place - add comma
Aunt Em's face turned pale, she began - use a period instead of comma
Common Mac. C'mon, Mac.
Arlington may be a small town, but - add comma
it was clear Mac had his own agenda, and - add comma
This tells me he is either very confident. - use a comma, not a period
Mac was practically a stranger, and - add comma
whatever you want, gut instinct - use that comma instead of a semicolon
bad vibes, but you need - add comma
profile of all Dad's victims; - use a colon, not a semicolon
dogs in the state, and getting - add comma
I hated to admit it, but he was the pro. - add the period
James, we this is no time for secrets - we??
Excellent dialogue and plot development, which I get to say every chapter :-) Brooke
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Love the description of Reilly
Stay put, kid - add comma for direct address
I bet if you check you inbox - your
The turf-war - drop the hyphen
before was gone, and in her place - add comma
Aunt Em's face turned pale, she began - use a period instead of comma
Common Mac. C'mon, Mac.
Arlington may be a small town, but - add comma
it was clear Mac had his own agenda, and - add comma
This tells me he is either very confident. - use a comma, not a period
Mac was practically a stranger, and - add comma
whatever you want, gut instinct - use that comma instead of a semicolon
bad vibes, but you need - add comma
profile of all Dad's victims; - use a colon, not a semicolon
dogs in the state, and getting - add comma
I hated to admit it, but he was the pro. - add the period
James, we this is no time for secrets - we??
Excellent dialogue and plot development, which I get to say every chapter :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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I've been thinking about signing up for your spag class but I am a lot of work. I am more of a one-on-one student. Did I mention I flunked high school English? Sad, but true....lol Thanks for taking so much time to go over this one.
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most of what we do in this class is one-on-one - we have group chats but it's in the assignments that the real work gets done. And believe me, there is NO way you could be more challenging than some have been LOL
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Okay, I am going to check my finances and see if I can sign up. I really need HELP with a lot but mostly commas!!!!
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commas are everyone's nemesis - they form a large part of the class :-)