The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Unexpected Guests"A family learns their father is a serial killer
27 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
Wow!
this is so me chapter to read
It caprured my attention when I read the first line to the last.
I like how your story flows and there was never a dull moment.
this is a good chapter
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Wow!
this is so me chapter to read
It caprured my attention when I read the first line to the last.
I like how your story flows and there was never a dull moment.
this is a good chapter
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I am pleased you continue to enjoy this.
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Until; next time.
Comment from emmaysavage
Good piece of writing. Introducing relatives at the right time. James back to his old self, full of stubborn bravado.
Arouses evem more interest in what'a enxt
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Good piece of writing. Introducing relatives at the right time. James back to his old self, full of stubborn bravado.
Arouses evem more interest in what'a enxt
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I am pleased you continue to enjoy this.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
This chapter represents a good improvement over the first version. I like the timing for Aunt Em and {Uncle Terry} to show up. The Mathews family needs all the support they can get Of course they may jst get in the way. [is the uncle's name Mark or Terry? You appear to use both in this chapter.}
I have afew specific comments:
1. "We have been silent for too long. The public has already judged us. I doubt there is anything I can say that will change anyone's opinion of us. However, I do think it is time we stop hiding and step up to the plate. If for no other reason, we owe that much to the victims and their families." {It is good to see that Mon is finally starting to think and act on he rown. Maybe at last she can be a real mother.}
2.With his elbows on the table and his chin resting on his hands, Uncle Mark smiled. "When your Mom gets back, I want to talk to her about taking you and Charlie up to the cabin for a few days." {This is a good place to introduce the cabin which will soon change the focus of the police investigation. In my opinion this will provide a great change of pace when it takes place.}
Now I want to see how the press conference goes. I hope Mon doesn't revert back to her robotic actions.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
This chapter represents a good improvement over the first version. I like the timing for Aunt Em and {Uncle Terry} to show up. The Mathews family needs all the support they can get Of course they may jst get in the way. [is the uncle's name Mark or Terry? You appear to use both in this chapter.}
I have afew specific comments:
1. "We have been silent for too long. The public has already judged us. I doubt there is anything I can say that will change anyone's opinion of us. However, I do think it is time we stop hiding and step up to the plate. If for no other reason, we owe that much to the victims and their families." {It is good to see that Mon is finally starting to think and act on he rown. Maybe at last she can be a real mother.}
2.With his elbows on the table and his chin resting on his hands, Uncle Mark smiled. "When your Mom gets back, I want to talk to her about taking you and Charlie up to the cabin for a few days." {This is a good place to introduce the cabin which will soon change the focus of the police investigation. In my opinion this will provide a great change of pace when it takes place.}
Now I want to see how the press conference goes. I hope Mon doesn't revert back to her robotic actions.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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With Mom, it is hard to tell what she will do. She is still learning to stand on her own. I am pleased you liked this one. Thanks for catching the spag with the uncle's name.
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You still missed one: Uncle Mark shook his head. "Typical."
Corrections are never complete.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment from RebelRose
I pretty much remember this chapter. I didn't note any big changes or additions. Of course, it's been a while since I read it the first time. It is a very good chapter and helps the story to flow along well. The mere mention of that cabin reminds me of what will be found there.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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I pretty much remember this chapter. I didn't note any big changes or additions. Of course, it's been a while since I read it the first time. It is a very good chapter and helps the story to flow along well. The mere mention of that cabin reminds me of what will be found there.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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You are right, there were only minor changes in this chapter. However, the cabin will have considerably more. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Aunt Em sounds a lively type, and
might help the rest of them to cope.
victims(') families
Aunt Em was several ...... She was two-years-older than Mom, but [she] looked at least ten-years younger. Here - since the reader knows you speak of Aunt Em (mentioned above) you might consider starting this 2nd sentence with "She" and losing the "she" after "but"
Margaret
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Aunt Em sounds a lively type, and
might help the rest of them to cope.
victims(') families
Aunt Em was several ...... She was two-years-older than Mom, but [she] looked at least ten-years younger. Here - since the reader knows you speak of Aunt Em (mentioned above) you might consider starting this 2nd sentence with "She" and losing the "she" after "but"
Margaret
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I will go back over this chapter and make the changes.
Comment from Cranial Thinker
I feel so very badly for James's mother as the stress of
maintaining a strong well controled demeanor for the kid's
is slowly crushing her mentally,grabing a hold on her nervous system and beginning to shake her like it want's to
own her and that has my blood running cold in my veins knowing exactly what that is like....I am going to buy this book for sure....Elegantly descriptively expressed my friend....Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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I feel so very badly for James's mother as the stress of
maintaining a strong well controled demeanor for the kid's
is slowly crushing her mentally,grabing a hold on her nervous system and beginning to shake her like it want's to
own her and that has my blood running cold in my veins knowing exactly what that is like....I am going to buy this book for sure....Elegantly descriptively expressed my friend....Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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I am so pleased you are enjoying this. I have seen so many families destroyed by such an event. It is really very sad.
Comment from writerwish
So well written and really holds the interest. Now I find myself rooting for the characters as if they are real. This is a great compliment to you. I have to go back a few chapters though to catch up.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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So well written and really holds the interest. Now I find myself rooting for the characters as if they are real. This is a great compliment to you. I have to go back a few chapters though to catch up.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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I am so pleased you are enjoying this story.
Comment from Halfree
The story is taking a life of its own, which is great. Good dialog and scene setting. Must admit you have me hooked. Really like the way you are building the characters. This is an exciting tale and is better than The Leaf..."
Good work Smurf.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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The story is taking a life of its own, which is great. Good dialog and scene setting. Must admit you have me hooked. Really like the way you are building the characters. This is an exciting tale and is better than The Leaf..."
Good work Smurf.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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My imagination is taking on a life of its own with this one. I am actually have fun with it. I am so pleased you like it.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
A great chapter where Mom has moved into center stage.
You certainly put her through all the emotions.
You made all the legal talk entertaining and interesting.
Bring on the next one!
Ron
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurphy
A great chapter where Mom has moved into center stage.
You certainly put her through all the emotions.
You made all the legal talk entertaining and interesting.
Bring on the next one!
Ron
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I am working on the next two chapters right now. I am glad you liked this one.
Comment from Janie King
Oh, dear, and now I have to wait until at least tomorrow before I see what's going on here...this is hard..when I want to read it NOW..(haha) but I really do. God bless.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Oh, dear, and now I have to wait until at least tomorrow before I see what's going on here...this is hard..when I want to read it NOW..(haha) but I really do. God bless.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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I've almost finished writing the chapter. Hope you can wait....lol