The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Demon and his Son Speak"A family learns their father is a serial killer
23 total reviews
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
This is one of your most powerful chapters yet.
The emotion leaps off the page.
Don't know if you are still struggling with your computer? But the author's notes are in a mess.
Ron
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurphy
This is one of your most powerful chapters yet.
The emotion leaps off the page.
Don't know if you are still struggling with your computer? But the author's notes are in a mess.
Ron
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Yup, the computer is still a pain in the you know what. I am pleased you liked this chapter.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
How brave James is, but what
an experience, being checked
over like that - which I suppose
is routine, but must have got
to him.
Great chapter, Sasha.
I see evil eddie has been playing tricks
with your author notes - this happens to
me all the time
Margaret
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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How brave James is, but what
an experience, being checked
over like that - which I suppose
is routine, but must have got
to him.
Great chapter, Sasha.
I see evil eddie has been playing tricks
with your author notes - this happens to
me all the time
Margaret
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Visiting someone in jail is not a pleasant experience. Yes, Evil Eddie is making problems for me.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
I am glad to see you posting your book again, although I had to do a lot of manipulations to read the post. Still it was worth the effort. As usual I have some specific comments:
1. Although I am sure you already know it, Evil Eddie messed up your Autror Notes. No problem for me because I know the story so well.
2. Still holding my arm, Mr. Hurley and I walked into the room. Seeing Dad sitting behind the glass partition, I froze. Then, from somewhere deep inside me came a strange unexpected strength I had never experienced before. I stopped trembling, my mind was suddenly crystal clear, and my heartbeat slowed to a normal rate. I was surprised to find myself in complete control. {It is wonderful the way James reached inside his mind and stablized his thoughts. Great!}
3."James, this is all just a big misunder....."
Unable to hide my anger, I interrupted, "Don't even go there!"
Clearly surprised by my response, Dad attempted to maintain the control he was so familiar with. "Hey, don't talk to me that way, young man."
Feeling as though I was drowning in my rage, I slammed my fist down on the counter. "We are way past denial. I refuse to play your stupid games any longer. You are a pathetic, narcissistic, asshole, and I hope you rot in hell for what you did." {This is wonderful dialoge as James slams the mental dor to block Dad's control forever.}
4. The calm expression on Dad's face disappeared and was instantly replaced with undeniable rage. I couldn't resist grinning. "Whoa, I hit a nerve, didn't I?"
Still fighting for control, Dad shrugged and said, "You don't know what you're talking about." {Now Dad shows the pent up rage that most likely underlay his crimes. He is no longer the Dad that had ruled the Mathews family. Wonderful imagery!}
5. I paused for a moment then looked Dad straight in the eyes. "How can a man who tortures, brutalizes, and murders twelve innocent girls for pleasure have the nerve to beg for mercy when suddenly faced with death himself? Tell me Dad, did the girls you killed beg for their lives? Why should you get the mercy you denied them?" {Now James is unlocking his father denial.}
6. "Do you even care what you have done to us?"
"Yeah, you're all famous now."
"Famous? You Son of a Bitch! Susan tried to kill herself. She's in the hospital locked on a psychiatric ward pumped full of pills. Fame almost killed her. Charlie is a basket case and Mom's filing for divorce." {One more attempt at control has failed. Does Dad want to bask in the limelight of notoriety?}
7. Dad grinned. "Tell me, James, how are you and Mary Ellen doing?"
Unprepared for his question, I simply said, "Don't pretend you give a damn how I am doing."
Dad grinned again. "When was the last time you spoke to her?"
My brain began to race from one horrific thought to the next. I hadn't spoken to Mary Ellen for at least a week before Dad was arrested. She left a few messages but I just assumed she knew what was going on and was giving me my space. I felt sick to my stomach and found it hard to breathe. {Dear old Dad still knows how to control James. Now the horrifying thought forces James to imagine the worst about Mary Jane. Could she be another murder victim? What an end to the visit and what a powerful cliffhanger.]
This chapter is almost textbook abnormal psychology. I wish I could give you another richly deserved six stars. You can however claim all of my virtual Irish hugs that you desire.
Roger
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
I am glad to see you posting your book again, although I had to do a lot of manipulations to read the post. Still it was worth the effort. As usual I have some specific comments:
1. Although I am sure you already know it, Evil Eddie messed up your Autror Notes. No problem for me because I know the story so well.
2. Still holding my arm, Mr. Hurley and I walked into the room. Seeing Dad sitting behind the glass partition, I froze. Then, from somewhere deep inside me came a strange unexpected strength I had never experienced before. I stopped trembling, my mind was suddenly crystal clear, and my heartbeat slowed to a normal rate. I was surprised to find myself in complete control. {It is wonderful the way James reached inside his mind and stablized his thoughts. Great!}
3."James, this is all just a big misunder....."
Unable to hide my anger, I interrupted, "Don't even go there!"
Clearly surprised by my response, Dad attempted to maintain the control he was so familiar with. "Hey, don't talk to me that way, young man."
Feeling as though I was drowning in my rage, I slammed my fist down on the counter. "We are way past denial. I refuse to play your stupid games any longer. You are a pathetic, narcissistic, asshole, and I hope you rot in hell for what you did." {This is wonderful dialoge as James slams the mental dor to block Dad's control forever.}
4. The calm expression on Dad's face disappeared and was instantly replaced with undeniable rage. I couldn't resist grinning. "Whoa, I hit a nerve, didn't I?"
Still fighting for control, Dad shrugged and said, "You don't know what you're talking about." {Now Dad shows the pent up rage that most likely underlay his crimes. He is no longer the Dad that had ruled the Mathews family. Wonderful imagery!}
5. I paused for a moment then looked Dad straight in the eyes. "How can a man who tortures, brutalizes, and murders twelve innocent girls for pleasure have the nerve to beg for mercy when suddenly faced with death himself? Tell me Dad, did the girls you killed beg for their lives? Why should you get the mercy you denied them?" {Now James is unlocking his father denial.}
6. "Do you even care what you have done to us?"
"Yeah, you're all famous now."
"Famous? You Son of a Bitch! Susan tried to kill herself. She's in the hospital locked on a psychiatric ward pumped full of pills. Fame almost killed her. Charlie is a basket case and Mom's filing for divorce." {One more attempt at control has failed. Does Dad want to bask in the limelight of notoriety?}
7. Dad grinned. "Tell me, James, how are you and Mary Ellen doing?"
Unprepared for his question, I simply said, "Don't pretend you give a damn how I am doing."
Dad grinned again. "When was the last time you spoke to her?"
My brain began to race from one horrific thought to the next. I hadn't spoken to Mary Ellen for at least a week before Dad was arrested. She left a few messages but I just assumed she knew what was going on and was giving me my space. I felt sick to my stomach and found it hard to breathe. {Dear old Dad still knows how to control James. Now the horrifying thought forces James to imagine the worst about Mary Jane. Could she be another murder victim? What an end to the visit and what a powerful cliffhanger.]
This chapter is almost textbook abnormal psychology. I wish I could give you another richly deserved six stars. You can however claim all of my virtual Irish hugs that you desire.
Roger
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Story about Evil Eddie, I seem to be on his list this month. I am so pleased you enjoyed this deeply emotional chapter. I appreciate your offer of a 6, but a 5 is more than sufficient.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Smurph,
You left me hanging, you naughty girl! (smile) Now I fear Mary Ellen is in danger. Could that monster have found someone to kill her for him? I think James did a good job when he spoke to his father. But now he is scared to death about his girlfriend. I don't blame him. This chapter kept me on the edge of my seat and I hope you will post another chapter soon....blessings, chey ******
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurph,
You left me hanging, you naughty girl! (smile) Now I fear Mary Ellen is in danger. Could that monster have found someone to kill her for him? I think James did a good job when he spoke to his father. But now he is scared to death about his girlfriend. I don't blame him. This chapter kept me on the edge of my seat and I hope you will post another chapter soon....blessings, chey ******
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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I hope to post one tomorrow. Glad this kept your attention.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This chapter is startlingly dramatic. Once again, this 2nd writing has so much more depth and power. An unseasoned writer, I would not have guessed how much before. Now it seems obvious. Giddy
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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This chapter is startlingly dramatic. Once again, this 2nd writing has so much more depth and power. An unseasoned writer, I would not have guessed how much before. Now it seems obvious. Giddy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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I do hope you like it better than the first. I am pleased with the changes.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha, this is a very dramatic chapter, from the first to the last sentence. I don't remember reading one like this before, at least the part where James broke down and asked to speak with his girlfriend. Something new. Btw, I also don't remember the name. Sorry if I'm wrong, wasn't it Marilyn? This is great, I like the way you describe the scenes as if it happens in front of my eyes.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Hi, Sasha, this is a very dramatic chapter, from the first to the last sentence. I don't remember reading one like this before, at least the part where James broke down and asked to speak with his girlfriend. Something new. Btw, I also don't remember the name. Sorry if I'm wrong, wasn't it Marilyn? This is great, I like the way you describe the scenes as if it happens in front of my eyes.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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I forgot to use my cheat sheet, Marilyn is Susan's day nurse, Mary Ellen is James's girlfriend. In the previous version she was the babysitter....have I confused you yet? I am so pleased you liked this one and felt it deserved a 6. I am working on the next chapter as we speak. I think you really like it.
Comment from Misrael
Very good mystery and crime fiction. I hope that there is more to come because it would not be complete the way it is.
Good job.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Very good mystery and crime fiction. I hope that there is more to come because it would not be complete the way it is.
Good job.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Yes there is plenty more to come this is only chapter 16 of a book. I am pleased you like it.
Comment from Janie King
pinch very inch ...Oh, good Lord, don't tell me he killed May Ellen?..this is fictional...right...really ficitonal...Holy Moses..this kind of stuff can freak one out. God bless.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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pinch very inch ...Oh, good Lord, don't tell me he killed May Ellen?..this is fictional...right...really ficitonal...Holy Moses..this kind of stuff can freak one out. God bless.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I don't want to freak you out, just keep you interested.
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If he's killed this girl..that is more than freaky...I'm glad this is fiction or I'd be a mess. God bless.
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You'll just have to wait to find out...lol
Comment from joann r romei
This is very good, it needs something to go a bit slower, because the scene is so intense, what did dad look like, how old. i know it is in the middle of the book but small details are needed, good luck
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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This is very good, it needs something to go a bit slower, because the scene is so intense, what did dad look like, how old. i know it is in the middle of the book but small details are needed, good luck
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the suggestion. I'll go back over this and see what I can do.
Comment from c_lucas
The monster is in top form. He stills controls his family members. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a terrific read.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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The monster is in top form. He stills controls his family members. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a terrific read.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Thanks.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie