The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "There's No Place Like Home"A family learns their father is a serial killer
27 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
does Dad have any idea of the hell we are going through.- question mark
My dad said[,] it's in the genes
It will help Charlie to grieve at last, if that grief is shared with his mother.
Margaret
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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does Dad have any idea of the hell we are going through.- question mark
My dad said[,] it's in the genes
It will help Charlie to grieve at last, if that grief is shared with his mother.
Margaret
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Yes, he has been so busy taking care of everyone else he hasn't had time to take care of himself.
Comment from Halfree
Really like the story, but you know that. Four here, moved it a little too fast. Like line in those Sgt Friday things from an old radio show. You know,he would say, "Just The facts, just the facts." Need more than facts here.
This ie a defining moment, I think, in the story. You can never go home moment and you flew through it. Cannot tell you how to write (you are well beyond me). Needs a little more flesh on the bones of the story, no need to rush.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Really like the story, but you know that. Four here, moved it a little too fast. Like line in those Sgt Friday things from an old radio show. You know,he would say, "Just The facts, just the facts." Need more than facts here.
This ie a defining moment, I think, in the story. You can never go home moment and you flew through it. Cannot tell you how to write (you are well beyond me). Needs a little more flesh on the bones of the story, no need to rush.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the suggestion. I will go back over this and see what I can do.
Comment from writerwish
Great work at story telling here. The dialogue is perfect with how it continuously fits with the characters. I have to look back to see if this is really a fiction. The part about the answering machine and the crying is especially disturbing as it should be. Suggestion:
it was amusing to see how quickly (it) or (this) started working to get your name on the visitor's list.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Great work at story telling here. The dialogue is perfect with how it continuously fits with the characters. I have to look back to see if this is really a fiction. The part about the answering machine and the crying is especially disturbing as it should be. Suggestion:
it was amusing to see how quickly (it) or (this) started working to get your name on the visitor's list.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am so pleased you enjoyed this and I truly appreciate the 6 stars.
Comment from Alaskastory
'There's No Place Like Home' is a chapter that tells us why James wants to see his dad and how they feel about being in their home again. Really good interplay between characters.
add a word: '..to see how quickly (he) started working to get your name on the visitors' list."
Really well done chapter, Sasha
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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'There's No Place Like Home' is a chapter that tells us why James wants to see his dad and how they feel about being in their home again. Really good interplay between characters.
add a word: '..to see how quickly (he) started working to get your name on the visitors' list."
Really well done chapter, Sasha
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this.
Comment from axelbeariter
Reporters are just looking for an opportunity to nail us to the wall and you're willing to hand them the hammer and bloody nails to do it with!"/Nice----I must say it was amusing to see how quickly started working to get your name on the visitors' list."/Put he between how and quickly----The warm, familiar feeling of being home where it was safe was gone and I knew it was never coming back. The expressions on Mom and Charlie's face told me they felt exactly the same way./this is a great observation that other writers would surely miss. Good job.----This was another wonderful chapter full of real images that one could expect to view in this type of situation. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Reporters are just looking for an opportunity to nail us to the wall and you're willing to hand them the hammer and bloody nails to do it with!"/Nice----I must say it was amusing to see how quickly started working to get your name on the visitors' list."/Put he between how and quickly----The warm, familiar feeling of being home where it was safe was gone and I knew it was never coming back. The expressions on Mom and Charlie's face told me they felt exactly the same way./this is a great observation that other writers would surely miss. Good job.----This was another wonderful chapter full of real images that one could expect to view in this type of situation. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the great review. I come from a large, argumentative, and difficult family and have had a lifetime of experience with observing the many difference responses to a given situation. Everyone talking at the same time, no one listening to what anyone else had to say, and so on. Great background for writing diagloge...lol
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I'm blessed, being an only child.
Comment from Veronica Grace
You manage to keep us on our toes with every turning point in your story and showing us what the family of a murderer can endure when this happens. I swear this is so believeable that I'd think I was reading your personal experience. Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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You manage to keep us on our toes with every turning point in your story and showing us what the family of a murderer can endure when this happens. I swear this is so believeable that I'd think I was reading your personal experience. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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I come from a very large, argumentative, and dysfunctional family which give me plenty of background to fall back on when analyzing a given situation. There are advantages to living in a world of chaos...lol Glad you liked how this is going.
Comment from Janie King
Once again, it's just another door that has to be closed and some how dealt with it if one is going to survive and move on..God bless.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Once again, it's just another door that has to be closed and some how dealt with it if one is going to survive and move on..God bless.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Yes, and sadly, there are many, many more doors ahead.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha. Great chapter. I like how you describe the storm happening in all of them, and the change in "June Cleaver". James has a point about nerds and when they get attention. And the scene with the pictures on the wall is impressive!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Hi, Sasha. Great chapter. I like how you describe the storm happening in all of them, and the change in "June Cleaver". James has a point about nerds and when they get attention. And the scene with the pictures on the wall is impressive!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you. I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this.
Comment from c_lucas
You did an excellent job of showing the emotions in this post. Emotions are running high in all factors as it should be. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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You did an excellent job of showing the emotions in this post. Emotions are running high in all factors as it should be. This is very well written.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the great review and awesome 6 stars. I sincerely appreciate them.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from Rob Caudle
I still couldn't distinguish the robot from the real person.--Is mom the robot or is dad?
I liked the story and emotions...especially the ending..great expression of what this family was going through.
I couldn't distinguish the robot from the real person.--Is mom the robot or is dad?
table strapped--comma between table and strapped
families possibly --comma between
families and possibly
him but --comma between him and but
an unexpected grin--and with an unexpected grin?
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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I still couldn't distinguish the robot from the real person.--Is mom the robot or is dad?
I liked the story and emotions...especially the ending..great expression of what this family was going through.
I couldn't distinguish the robot from the real person.--Is mom the robot or is dad?
table strapped--comma between table and strapped
families possibly --comma between
families and possibly
him but --comma between him and but
an unexpected grin--and with an unexpected grin?
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Mom has always been a robot. Responding to life just as John, her husband trained her. She is slowly coming out of her fog, but the robot is still there. Thanks for pointing out the missing commas too.
