The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Chaos"A family learns their father is a serial killer
26 total reviews
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
felt good beating against my tired, stiff skin[body].
By now everyone, the neighbors,
the mailman, even the kid who delivers the paper[,] knows about Dad."
Star[]ing at the phone, I said, "No one is supposed to know we are here."
He and Mr. Hurley told me[,] if they needed to speak to me, they would call me on my cell phone."
Susan[] stopped crying instantly. "Damn it, James. Billy would never talk to the reporters."
With a puzzled expression on his face[,] he asked, "How come they blurred out Susan's and my face?" --- Good job. I don't know how many people would have thought to put this in.
We both burst [i]nto laughter.
Welldone. Good chapter.
Roberta
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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felt good beating against my tired, stiff skin[body].
By now everyone, the neighbors,
the mailman, even the kid who delivers the paper[,] knows about Dad."
Star[]ing at the phone, I said, "No one is supposed to know we are here."
He and Mr. Hurley told me[,] if they needed to speak to me, they would call me on my cell phone."
Susan[] stopped crying instantly. "Damn it, James. Billy would never talk to the reporters."
With a puzzled expression on his face[,] he asked, "How come they blurred out Susan's and my face?" --- Good job. I don't know how many people would have thought to put this in.
We both burst [i]nto laughter.
Welldone. Good chapter.
Roberta
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I posted the unedited version first and then the re edited version after I realized what I had done. Sorry....
Comment from Halfree
Best written chapter yet. I will read all that you offer of this story but might mot review. This is one killer (no pun intended)story. Just the right balance of action and dialog; each supporting the other. Now stop reading reviews and get on with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Best written chapter yet. I will read all that you offer of this story but might mot review. This is one killer (no pun intended)story. Just the right balance of action and dialog; each supporting the other. Now stop reading reviews and get on with the next chapter.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I have been fighting a third case of a severe cold and my energy level is pretty much non existent. I have been working on this for more than two months and hope to be able to post at least 3 chapters a week. So glad you like this one. Thanks for the great 6 stars too.
Comment from Janie King
This would be such a horrible experience..I wouldn't have gone out for clothes..I'd have given them my size and a gneral description of what I wanted and stayed behind closed dooors. God bless.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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This would be such a horrible experience..I wouldn't have gone out for clothes..I'd have given them my size and a gneral description of what I wanted and stayed behind closed dooors. God bless.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Me too. I would want to stay in hiding for a long, long time.
Comment from RebelRose
It is so unfair for all members of a family to be branded and hounded because of what one member does but that is the way society in general, thinks. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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It is so unfair for all members of a family to be branded and hounded because of what one member does but that is the way society in general, thinks. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Sad but so true. Thank you for your gracious comments.
Comment from Veronica Grace
Another excellent chapter. I like the upbeat pace of this one.
These things jumped at me,
(Judt) help me get Mom and Susan into the car."
be blurred? Is that (leal)?"
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Another excellent chapter. I like the upbeat pace of this one.
These things jumped at me,
(Judt) help me get Mom and Susan into the car."
be blurred? Is that (leal)?"
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Sorry, I posted the unedited version instead of the edited one...story of my life. I just re posted the corrected version.
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EDITING! YUK!
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Chapter 2:
Chapter 10: Susan through her hands into the (h)air.
Chapter 16: And, who better to [b]lame their us?
Chapter 19: Sta(r)ing at the phone
Chapter 31: I [f](b)elt bad for yelling at her
5 paragraphs from end:... you (are)have special rights[?]"
4Lines from end: Is that le[g]al?"
This is a great chapter... I enjoyed it... but you obviously posted in a hurry LOL Giddy
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Chapter 2:
Chapter 10: Susan through her hands into the (h)air.
Chapter 16: And, who better to [b]lame their us?
Chapter 19: Sta(r)ing at the phone
Chapter 31: I [f](b)elt bad for yelling at her
5 paragraphs from end:... you (are)have special rights[?]"
4Lines from end: Is that le[g]al?"
This is a great chapter... I enjoyed it... but you obviously posted in a hurry LOL Giddy
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Yup, I posted the unedited version....story of my life.
Comment from Leen1
This story caught my attention and held me until finish. Expect for some spelling error, it is a great read. Interesting storyline. I like what I've read here and would not mind reading more. Great work!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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This story caught my attention and held me until finish. Expect for some spelling error, it is a great read. Interesting storyline. I like what I've read here and would not mind reading more. Great work!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I posted the unedited version instead of the edited one...story of my life.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Smurph,
Check out the lines below as you have some typos.
I belt bad for
Judt help me get Mom and Susan into the car.
Is that leal?"
This is another great chapter, of couse can't give you another six but know I would if I could. This poor family is going through hell and there is nothing they can do about it. Sadly Susan broke the rules of silence but she didn't know what the consequences would be. Maybe they will be safe of a little while. Good writing here! Bless you, chey
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurph,
Check out the lines below as you have some typos.
I belt bad for
Judt help me get Mom and Susan into the car.
Is that leal?"
This is another great chapter, of couse can't give you another six but know I would if I could. This poor family is going through hell and there is nothing they can do about it. Sadly Susan broke the rules of silence but she didn't know what the consequences would be. Maybe they will be safe of a little while. Good writing here! Bless you, chey
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I posted the unedited version instead of the edited one...story of my life. I just re posted the correct one.
Comment from c_lucas
When the times gets rough, you quickly learn who your friends are. This is well written with more errors than usual.
Errors
get up, sleep (spleepy)head
I belt (felt) bad for yelling at her.
Judt (Just)help me get Mom and Susan
you are (Is that leal?"(legal??)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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When the times gets rough, you quickly learn who your friends are. This is well written with more errors than usual.
Errors
get up, sleep (spleepy)head
I belt (felt) bad for yelling at her.
Judt (Just)help me get Mom and Susan
you are (
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I posted the unedited version instead of the edited one...story of my life. I just re posted the corrected one.
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You have corrected the errors. You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from axelbeariter
"Time to get up, sleep head, I think our breakfast has finally arrived."/Did you mean sleepy head?----I belt bad for yelling at her./Change belt to felt----I snapped back sarcastically./Drop sarcastically. The reader hears sarcastic in the dialogue. Adding that to the attribution makes it redundant----Judt help me get Mom and Susan into the car."/Use Just instead of Judt----"Didn't you know that because you and Susan are minors, you are have special rights."/Drop the are between you and have----Is that leal?"/Say legal for leal----You've produced another realistic scenario for an occasion as this. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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"Time to get up, sleep head, I think our breakfast has finally arrived."/Did you mean sleepy head?----I belt bad for yelling at her./Change belt to felt----I snapped back sarcastically./Drop sarcastically. The reader hears sarcastic in the dialogue. Adding that to the attribution makes it redundant----Judt help me get Mom and Susan into the car."/Use Just instead of Judt----"Didn't you know that because you and Susan are minors, you are have special rights."/Drop the are between you and have----Is that leal?"/Say legal for leal----You've produced another realistic scenario for an occasion as this. Good job.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I posted the unedited version instead of the edited one...story of my life. I just re posed the corrected one.