Our marriage
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "How it started..."Short book about how our marriage started.
55 total reviews
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, a good biographical entry for your manuscript. It was informal and personal, and you have a good grip on spelling and grammar. I have no suggestions for change and thanks for sharing your story, Ana.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Hello, a good biographical entry for your manuscript. It was informal and personal, and you have a good grip on spelling and grammar. I have no suggestions for change and thanks for sharing your story, Ana.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good weekend coming.
Comment from Pamusart
I do want to tune in to the next chapter.
This threw me off with three of four consecutive words being "had". I would suggest "sheltered life I had had and, my vivid mind had curiosity about life and people."
You have. "sheltered life I had had and,had a vivid mind and curiosity about life and people."
I stumbled in one area in this passage
"I changed boyfriends more often than shoes. The problem was: I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me. I". The "did not everything". Maybe an extra small word as in "did not do everything I wanted"
It was an interesting story. I look forward to you and Robert's next chapter. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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I do want to tune in to the next chapter.
This threw me off with three of four consecutive words being "had". I would suggest "sheltered life I had had and, my vivid mind had curiosity about life and people."
You have. "sheltered life I had had and,had a vivid mind and curiosity about life and people."
I stumbled in one area in this passage
"I changed boyfriends more often than shoes. The problem was: I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me. I". The "did not everything". Maybe an extra small word as in "did not do everything I wanted"
It was an interesting story. I look forward to you and Robert's next chapter. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good weekend coming. Thanks for the tips.
Comment from Swampfox1
It flows well. So, it is very well written. There is a mistake , at least that I feel needs correcting but you might feel different about it."The problem was: I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me." Then there is this: "I changed boyfriends more often than shoes". It's a great phrase but I was always told in the university to not use such phrases. If you want to use such a phrase then make it your own by saying something like, "I changed boyfriends more often then I changed my skirts , (or my bra, or my makeup, or something like more often then I thought about sex), anything to make it out of the ordinary. Great job, oops, forgot one thing. Why do you put forth such short chapters? Go into detail, a chapter should be about 2500 words or so. I might be old school but books are still quite long the last time I looked.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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It flows well. So, it is very well written. There is a mistake , at least that I feel needs correcting but you might feel different about it."The problem was: I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, but was superior or equal to me." Then there is this: "I changed boyfriends more often than shoes". It's a great phrase but I was always told in the university to not use such phrases. If you want to use such a phrase then make it your own by saying something like, "I changed boyfriends more often then I changed my skirts , (or my bra, or my makeup, or something like more often then I thought about sex), anything to make it out of the ordinary. Great job, oops, forgot one thing. Why do you put forth such short chapters? Go into detail, a chapter should be about 2500 words or so. I might be old school but books are still quite long the last time I looked.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good weekend coming. I will look into this later, thanks.
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Cool! You're welcome.
Comment from rheabug
A very good write. I enjoyed reading this post about your life at the time you were at the university. I want to wish you good luck as you go through the process of writing your memories of your marriage. Hugs...
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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A very good write. I enjoyed reading this post about your life at the time you were at the university. I want to wish you good luck as you go through the process of writing your memories of your marriage. Hugs...
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great second part of the week. Thanks for the lovely six.
Comment from MelB
Hi Robina, I enjoyed reading this chapter. I wanted to know more. I had trouble with dialogue at first too. Just start adding it in and you'll get it. Here's an example for the paragraph below.
The first day I decided to go to a museum. An Italian guy joined me. He was not interested in any of the art. When he asked me if we could meet again, I said that we would just wait and see. This really meant that I had no interest whatsoever. He did not know this of course.
The first day, I went to a museum. An Italian guy strutted toward me with a smirk on his face. He glanced at the artwork on the wall and said, "For the price of that one, you'd think there would be more squiggles and lines."
I nodded and giggled. We talked for a few minutes.
His eyes met mine. "When can we meet again?'
"We'll just have to wait and see."
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Hi Robina, I enjoyed reading this chapter. I wanted to know more. I had trouble with dialogue at first too. Just start adding it in and you'll get it. Here's an example for the paragraph below.
The first day I decided to go to a museum. An Italian guy joined me. He was not interested in any of the art. When he asked me if we could meet again, I said that we would just wait and see. This really meant that I had no interest whatsoever. He did not know this of course.
The first day, I went to a museum. An Italian guy strutted toward me with a smirk on his face. He glanced at the artwork on the wall and said, "For the price of that one, you'd think there would be more squiggles and lines."
I nodded and giggled. We talked for a few minutes.
His eyes met mine. "When can we meet again?'
"We'll just have to wait and see."
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great second part of the week.
Comment from c_lucas
I didn't date until I was over twenty-one. Then I didn't date too often. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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I didn't date until I was over twenty-one. Then I didn't date too often. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great second part of the week. That is quite late.
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You're welcome, Ine. Charlie
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for sharing how you met Robert. It did sound like your overprotective upbringing did keep you safe in what could have had some dangerous results.
" I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, " (did not want? needs a verb)
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks for sharing how you met Robert. It did sound like your overprotective upbringing did keep you safe in what could have had some dangerous results.
" I wanted someone who did not everything I wanted, " (did not want? needs a verb)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great second part of the week.
Comment from royowen
What an interesting life you have led Ine. Elaine and I have visited the Greek isles on two occasions, they were always beautifully laid back and relaxing. But not Corfu. An excellent article, looking forward to the next instalment, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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What an interesting life you have led Ine. Elaine and I have visited the Greek isles on two occasions, they were always beautifully laid back and relaxing. But not Corfu. An excellent article, looking forward to the next instalment, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have great second part of the week.
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You too Ine
Comment from Zue65
Oh my, you are teasing us and it is a smart technique of maintaining the interest of your readers. Providing a bait or clue at the end of the story will invite the readers to wait for the next post. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Oh my, you are teasing us and it is a smart technique of maintaining the interest of your readers. Providing a bait or clue at the end of the story will invite the readers to wait for the next post. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have great second part of the week.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Ine, I like your introduction that leads up to you meeting Robert. But it needs a lot of editing. Also, I think you should expand on some of the episodes you had, like the car getting stuck in the sand.
Dialogue is something you'll have to try. That's what makes your story come alive. I'm looking forward to what's next.
All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Hi Ine, I like your introduction that leads up to you meeting Robert. But it needs a lot of editing. Also, I think you should expand on some of the episodes you had, like the car getting stuck in the sand.
Dialogue is something you'll have to try. That's what makes your story come alive. I'm looking forward to what's next.
All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have great second part of the week.
